It’s another two-in-one here, as we look back at two episodes of the UWA’s Wrestling Rampage. Can you say “best of”?
Episode 17 is a Best-Of show, hosted by Steve Lynskey and his American Accent. Lynskey runs through his team – Drew McDonald (who’s been MIA for the last few episodes), Mad Dog McPhie, and Jonny Storm, who gets dismissed out of hand, along with an inaccurate claim that Storm was the only man to have beaten Big Papa T.
They replay the Danny Royal vs. Drew McDonald match from episode 10, then the Doug Williams vs. Drew McDonald match from episode 13.
Other new material is a “greatest hits” music video from a cross-armed Doug Williams, which leads into the triple trouble UWA title match from episode 8, before they once again play that post-match angle with Doug Williams dropkicking Steve Lynskey. Surely the tape of that’s gotta be worn out by now?
Okay, with episode 18 missing, we’ll go onto episode 19, which is a regular episode with all new matches, and an apparent threat to unmask Big Papa T from Frank.
We see footage from “last week” where Frank threatened to beat up Big Papa T and unmask him. Regardless, we get a promo from Rebecca who says that Big Papa T will finish what Frank started.
Frank & “The Unknown Soldier” vs. Big Papa T
After Big Papa T’s danced his way around the ring, we finally get our handicap match, with a double-team clothesline sending down Papa T. The Soldier dropkicks Papa as Frank was about to go for something else, and out of nowhere, the Soldier goes sailing with a tope con hilo across the turnbuckles and into Big Papa T.
Then the Soldier appeals to the crowd for cheers. I’ve said it before in these reviews, but why is a heel going for a flashy move, much less playing for cheers?! Big Papa T popped up after that tope anyway and danced, before returning to the ring where he’s taken down by Frank.
More kicks from Frank lead to a sunset flip, but Papa’s in the ropes, so nothing gets counted. They stall for a bit, until a spinning kick from Frank knocks Papa T down and out of the ring, as he proves that selling isn’t his strong point. A dropkick off the apron takes Papa down briefly, as does a superkick… but yet again, Papa pops up and starts dancing, as the director scrambles to find a camera that’s actually following the action.
A long crowd shot seems to be used to cut out something, as Frank’s thrown back into the ringside area. Papa T eventually returns to the ring, where he waits in the corner until he’s taken down with some headscissors from the Unknown Soldier. The Soldier goes up top and lands a dropkick, then a Blockbuster neckbreaker.
We see an extended shot of Rebecca on the outside to mask something that ended up with Papa T rolling up the Soldier for a one-count. The Soldier tries for a suplex, but it’s easily reversed, before Papa missed a snap legdrop. Frank wanders in and helps out for a double suplex, but as we come back from the replay, a crossbody gets Papa a one-count on the Soldier.
Papa follows the Soldier to the outside, and leaps into him from the apron… and my God, it’s like nobody here knows how to sell!
Papa waits in the ring again as his opponents regroup. After a break, Papa T dances around Frank like he does in all of his other matches, before breaking out into some wrestling with a snapmare that Frank tries to block twice, before a third attempt sees him go down for a legdrop. The pair try for an inverted surfboard, but Papa’s soldiers are down… and the referee doesn’t count as Frank apparently gives up. The hell? This entire match was really a mixed bag – the best that Big Papa T’s ever been involved in here, but nobody in this match seemed to get the concept of selling. Every move saw the other guy pop up unscathed, which hurt this match badly. *¾
After the match, the Unknown Soldier uses the chair as Jody Flash makes the save, just to make this even messier than it was.
Apparently Flash was returning from a tour of Japan… and he gets a microphone, but as ever in the UWA, the acoustics were horrible and tough to understand. This turns into a challenge to 2 Far Gone, with a tag title match on the line, I guess.
We cut to a promo with Paul Tyrell, who accepts Jody’s challenge of a match for a title shot. Steve Morocco’s growing out his dyed hair, but otherwise there’s nothing of note here.
Mad Dog McPhie vs. Leon Murphy
The hyperbole returns, as McPhie weighs a “barking mad 230lbs”, whilst Leon Murphy gets what’s affectionately known these days as a jobber entrance.
The two light into each other with forearms and knees, with Murphy going into some ground and pound, and then a front facelock. A messy attempt at a double clothesline takes down both men, before Murphy lands a suplex, as we see a mini crowd exodus. Murphy misses an avalanche in the corner, which opens things up for McPhie, as he gets a suplex for a two-count, before Murphy backdrops out of a piledriver attempt. An elbow drop and a leaping splash gets a two-count for Murphy, as does a capture suplex, before Murphy misses an elbow off the middle rope.
We see an attempted Jackhammer by Murphy, but Steve Lynskey gets on the apron to distract the referee… and that somehow allows distracts Murphy too, as he’s caught with the Canine Drop (reverse DDT) for the win. This was alright, but the finish was a bit iffy. **
Afterwards, Murphy leapt off the apron to attack Mad Dog some more, before saying “no-one can stop me”.
They take us back to the lost episode, where Jonny Storm (looking a lot like Don Callis) ran in and stole Doug Williams’ UWA title belt. Apparently this was during a Williams/Royal match that ended via count-out, and we’re taken to Mal Mason who’s doing a to-camera piece over Danny Royal’s “treatment”. Mason says that Danny deserves a TV title shot, and it’s read in such a manner you’d think he was reading a cue card, rather than giving a statement.
Speaking of, Mal Mason is the third UWA authority figure we’ve seen give a statement, after Mick McManus (who’s now a distant memory) and Sorcha (ditto). Add in the likes of Dino Scarlo, whose suspension seemingly wrote him out, and we’re entering Lucha Underground territory when it comes to disappearances!
There’s more footage from last week, where Steve Lynskey tells Doug Williams that he can get his belt back… but only if he beats Mad Dog, Jonny Storm and Drew McDonald. Doug replies with a cliche-riddled promo and agrees to the shot… as long as Lynskey leaves the UWA if he gets the belt back.
That leads us to Steve Lynskey appearing in front of the live audience with his wacky American accent… and Steve agrees to it.
After commercial, we’ve got footage of Jonny Storm outside the venue in Barking, and it’s an interview with “Phil Flowers”. Storm’s sitting on a park bench with a load of pensioners, two of whom in particular look uncomfortable as hell around him. I’m not quite sure what the point was of all these video packages of heels out with fans – none of whom look scared or even intimidated…
I reach fast forward to get me out of this fresh hell, just in time to see a bunch of kids approaching the dastardy heels.
They replay a segment from last week where Paul Sloan cost Phil Powers in a match against Kerry Cabrero. Guess what? It’s another Phil Powers promo. And he is shouting! Powers is in full blown early John Cena mode, and it’s yet another awful shouty promo.
Danny Royal’s shown coming out to the ring for the TV title shot that Mal Mason gave him earlier in the show. Stevie Knight comes out with the title belt, but before the bell can ring, Knight takes the microphone and reveals that Royal’s not getting his title shot, because he’s “not a good enough challenger”.
Instead, Knight’s giving a shot to “a man who deserves be in Japan, Mexico, America… anywhere”: Tom Munroe… and no, Danny Royal is not happy. He adds himself to the match as a guest referee, and we get going.
UWA Television Championship: Stevie Knight (c) vs. Tom Munroe
Munroe’s a beer bellied guy, who – if you have a good memory – got squashed by Big Papa T three months ago on this program. Knight works over Munroe in the corner, whilst Royal acts as a fair referee… which is odd behaviour, for a guy who just got cheated out of a title shot.
Munroe whips Knight into the turnbuckle, chest-first, before Royal fast-counts from a butterfly suplex, giving him a two-count. Knight whips Munroe, who trips over into the ropes, before we see a snapmare takedown, and that gets Stevie Knight a slow-count… and the win. Well, that succeeded in making Tom Munroe and Danny Royal look like a joke, I guess! *
Knight leaves stage left, whilst Danny Royal announced Knight as the winner. He’s a guest announcer as well as referee now? Royal insists that he has a match with Knight now, and the bell rings as we go to commercial.
Stevie Knight vs. Danny Royal
This isn’t a title match, as they explain that the title defence has been fulfilled byw ay of the match with Tom Munroe. So the storyline here is that Danny Royal’s cheated out of another title…
They replay the finish to Munroe vs. Knight, before we return to see Royal chopping Knight in the corner. Knight hiptosses Royal out of the ring, before Royal slides back in and connects with a pescado onto the TV champion. A suplex back into the ring gets Royal a two-count, before his attempt to clothesline Knight back outside sees him dumped there with a back body drop.
Knight connects with an elbow suicida, which gets a replay, before a slam and a legdrop earns him a two count. A Curt Hennig-like snapmare leads to a jack-knife cover for a near-fall, before Royal rolls Knight into the ropes for no pin.
Knight grabs a chinlock to ground Royal, before Danny reverses a tombstone piledriver and drops Knight for a two-count. Royal snapmares Knight again and goes for a single-leg crab, before turning it into an STF, and finally, a front facelock. Royal gets whipped chest-first into the turnbuckles, before Knight busts out the Unprettier for another two-count. What’s with all these 1999 WWF finishers being no-sold?
Royal replies with a sit-out gutwrench powerbomb that gets another two-count, before he goes to the top rope for some reason. Knight catches him, but can’t quite get the Knight Driver, and then falls to the Beef Bomb (Full Nelson Slam) for the win… but remember, it’s a non-title match, so Stevie remains champion. A decent main event to close out an entertain hour of wrestling. **¾
Royal threw the belt down at Knight as Paul Martin confirmed that this was a non-title match, and that’s our show! No Dan Berlinka or any studio segments this week, as they seemingly went back to the more American formula this week.
Unfortunately, by this point the damage had already been done, and with no new dates being plugged on TV, there was only one way this could go… even if it didn’t feel like that on TV. We’re down to the final two episodes now, and we’ll see how they wrap things up, before we have a retrospective of the UWA’s brief life.