We’re back to the third episode of UWA’s Wrestling Rampage TV show, featuring a look at a certain wrestler who’d try his hardest to reshape the British scene.
We open with footage from last week of “American” Steve Lynskey pulling Doug Williams from his match. As punishment, remember, Mick McManus added a stipulation to Williams’ match with Christopher Daniels: win, and you are the last man in the “winner-stays-on TV title tournament”… lose, and you start at number one.
Dan Berlinka welcomes us to an empty studio as he runs through the card for today, and some footage of Mad Dog McPhie in a scrapyard… err? But first, tag team action, and yes, it’s who I thought it was!
Alex Shane, to his credit, isn’t totally generic. He has added a black shirt/jacket to his singlet and leather trousers look, along with the “Pretty Boy” routine that Shawn Michaels ditched when he really became good. He looks like a young Lance Storm, just without the rat-tail…
Unfortunately, Shane’s partner really is generic, in the black tights and boots kind of generic… and that’s underlined with their pre-match promo with Jameelah. Shane reckons he’s the most talented, charismatic and best looking wrestling in the UWA.
Alex Shane & Leon Murphy vs. Death Squad (Mark Myers & Duke Lynch)
The Tiny Girls are out with the Death Squad again, and they’re still incongruous to this act… especially when they’re always waving to the crowd, whilst their charges pull mean faces.
Myers and Shane start off, and Shane throwing his sweat at Myers probably wasn’t the smartest move. They trade wristlocks early on, before Myers switches from full nelson to headlock, and then powerbombs Shane. A powerbomb. As a throwaway move…
Shane tags out as the commentators discuss newspaper claims that he was a male escort, and we end up with Leon Murphy and Duke Lynch as the Tiny Girls fondle Alex Shane’s legs. Murphy gets charged to the mat, before spinning to the mat from a clothesline, and what a surprise, the story here is “where’s Alex Shane?”. Even in 1999 he was trying to be to wrestling what Poochie was to Itchy and Scratchy…
A sunset flip got Murphy a two-count, as did a body slam. Shane tags in and hits a legdrop off the middle rope, before he misses a senton bomb off the top rope. That leaves Alex in position for the Sheffield Hammer (Myers using Lynch as a base for a back-flip onto Shane), but Myers doesn’t make a cover. Instead, he hits a suplex, only for Shane to make a comeback with a low blow… which doesn’t get a disqualification.
Shane gets a snapmare, then misses a springboard cannonball, allowing Myers to hit a snap legdrop for the win. I liked the storyline of Alex Shane playing to the Tiny Girls and failing badly… after the match, Myers powerbombs Shane as the Death Squad tried to get in some afters. **
After going to a commercial break, the video shows us one of L!VE TV’s sidebar programmes: the Cello News Network. Well, it was different from having a bunny in the background distracting everyone…
We’re taken to footage of Mad Dog McPhie preparing for the TV title tournament… and we’ve got ring announcer Paul Martin in a scrapyard? He’s there with Steve Lynskey, whose American accent still comes and goes, and apparently McPhie’s got a match with Tom Monroe. Now?!
They actually play a warning to tell us that this next match takes place under “UWA No Holds Barred Rules” and “if you don’t like your wrestling dirty and dangerous… come back in ten minutes”. How delightfully British!
Scrapyard Match: Tom Monroe vs. Mad Dog McPhie
We see three people getting out of a car in the scrapyard. Dino Scarlo speaks to Mad Dog McPhie, before bringing Tom Monroe into battle, and Monroe’s got a pipe. McPhie blocks a shot with it, and immediately knees Monroe in the midsection before throwing him to the ground.
Monroe returns the favour, before they trade forearms… and this looks like what people thought UFC was back in 1999. Knee-lifts and punches. We get a front facelock from Monroe, before he picks up a wooden chair and misses as he hits a caravan instead of McPhie.
McPhie hiptosses Monroe into what looks like a pile of aluminium, and I guess Mad Dog is biting away at Monroe. The camera shows an older man in a blue suit waiting by the car, but he’s unnamed, and we cut back to McPhie diving off the pile of junk onto Monroe.
Monroe knees McPhie in the shoulder again as we cut to a shot of McPhie dropping a breeze block/cinder block over Monroe, who just about blocked it. A bit of wood’s used to choke McPhie, and then beat him with. Monroe slips as he threw a tyre at McPhie, and we again see Dino Scarlo wiping his glasses as Monroe again missed, this time with a traffic cone.
Monroe’s clearly blown up, as McPhie climbs onto the roof of a handily-parked car. He’s joined up there, and McPhie hits a piledriver onto the roof, as Monroe cries uncle. That’s all, and I’m not quite sure what to make of all that. It was like a fight scene from a Cockney gangster movie, complete with the fake accents… *½
We get yet another recap of what happened with Doug Williams last week, before another promo from Doug reveals that he revelled in the chaos that his withdrawal caused. Doug’s confident of beating Christopher Daniels, and getting that number ten slot in the TV title tournament.
Jason Cross vs. Jonny Storm
Even with no Japanese wrestlers in action, we still can’t avoid the racist commentary, as an “ah so!” is thrown in upon mention of Jason Cross losing to Tiger Mask a few weeks back.
They explain the lack of Steve Lynskey at ringside by the kayfabe fact that he was in a scrapyard “ten minutes ago” as Jonny Storm had a pop at some fans at ringside. At the bell, Storm immediately goes to walk out, then comes back to the ring. Wash, rinse, repeat, and Cross finally snaps and drags Storm back to the ringside area.
Storm gets crotched across the guard railing, before reversing an Irish whip as Cross gets sent into a table, then the guard rails. Storm goes flying with a moonsault off the middle turnbuckle to the floor, but Cross takes over with kicks in the corner after he returned to the ring. Some kicks in the corner rock Storm, and for some reason, Big Papa T waddles down to ringside… he attacks Jason Cross from behind, and that’s the match thrown out. Utter, utter tripe. DUD
Papa T attacks Cross, then ties him in a butterfly lock that sends Cross to the mat. So they’re selling that as a deadly hold, as UWA security flocks to the ring. Papa T finds time to dance as he heads to the back. Chalk another one up to the list of incongruous characters in this promotion.
We go to a backstage interview with Jameelah and Rebecca, recapping Big Papa T’s appearance. Rebecca’s annoyed that Papa’s not getting enough matches, especially as he’s the best wrestler in the world. Try not to laugh there…
After commercial, there’s yet-another-recap of the Doug Williams situation, and finally it’s time for our main event!
“Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels vs. Doug Williams
Daniels still has the stock “USA” laser show for his entrance, before he cuts a generic anti-UK promo. Which the commentary team talk all over. Just when we thought they were getting better, they make things worse!
Once they get going, Daniels works over a wristlock on Williams, then an arm wringer, which Doug climbs out of for a reversal before some headscissors take the “Fallen Angel” to the mat. A headlock from Williams keeps Daniels at bay, before Doug lands a shoulder tackle and then a snapmare.
Doug goes back to a front facelock, but Daniels wrings the arm to free himself as they go back and forth, before a spinebuster takes down Williams. Steve Lynskey applauded Daniels – since he’s “American” – before a dropkick sent Doug flailing over the bottom rope.
A suplex from Daniels gets him a near-fall, but Williams hits back with a dropkick that takes Daniels to the outside. Doug goes airborne with a springboard plancha off the top rope… perhaps not quite as well as he was planning to pull off though. The two fight up the aisle, where Daniels tried for a powerbomb, but a clothesline from Doug gets him free.
They returned to the ring where Daniels flips back over Doug, before hitting the Angel Wings. Daniels doesn’t make the cover, and he ends up paying for it as Doug fires up once more, chopping away in the corner before a hurricanrana takes down the American. Both men hit simultaneous clotheslines, before Daniels picks himself up and goes up top… but Doug press slams him to the mat, before hitting the Chaos Theory suplex.
However, Stevie Knight – still scorned from Doug’ walk-out last week – comes to the ring and gets the attention of the easily distracted ref, meaning that Doug only gets a two-count from the bridging German suplex. After more distraction from Knight, Doug falls into the Last Rites, and Christopher Daniels picks up the win – meaning that Doug Williams starts at number one in the ten-man, Royal Rumble-style tournament for the TV title. A decent main event, but these guys would go on to have much better matches down the line. ***
They replay the finish, with Stevie Knight’s distraction, as Williams and Lynskey argue amongst each other in the ring. Dan Berlinka sums up the scenario after the match, as he builds up to next week’s show, featuring Gran Naniwa vs. Tiger Mask. Oooh, that’s going to be a good one!
So, three episodes on, they’re on the right path… sort-of. I’m still not sold by Mad Dog McPhie, and Big Papa T… yeah. There’s a comedy act nobody asked for, but as long as he’s kept in small doses, then it’ll just be an annoyance, rather than a massive pain.