Time to start going through some of the other WrestleMania shows now… starting with The Crash!

The Crash are an interesting promotion based out of Tijuana – they’ve been around for a good few years but their last year or so has seen them use a lot of names that are recognisable to non-lucha fans… but their expansion has stuttered a little. We’ll keep this review pretty brief since our lucha knowledge is a little north of nil! We’re inside the Sugar Mill in New Orleans, which is hardly packed out, and in place of commentary we have a LOUD BUZZ. Yeah, that’s not going to get annoying.

Black Danger & Lacey Lane vs. Douglas James & Thunder Rosa vs. Angel Fashion & Christi Jaynes vs. Barbi Hayden & Joey Ryan
Thunder Rosa, Christi Jaynes, Barbi Hayden and Joey Ryan are the only folks we are somewhat familiar with here, with Joey Ryan getting the biggest pop coming out.

They tentatively built to the dick flip, but everyone just jumps Joey instead before the ring cleared. Lane and Fashion get us doing, with the latter getting taken to the floor with a ‘rana as this four-way tag just became a generic revolving door multi-person match. Jaynes went for a lucha roll-up but lost it halfway through before delivering a Skull Crushing Finale without actually leaving her feet.

She does hit a moonsault for a near-fall though, before Black Danger wiped her out with a diving uppercut and some standing Angel’s Wings, as it seems we have a lot of bump-averse folks here. Hayden’s headscissors clear the ring, and she’s too busy looking the wrong way as Angel superkicked her… before Joey Ryan goes for the dick flip, after everyone else formed a human chain, which led to him flipping when Christi blocked it on the ropes. Alrighty!

We’re into dives next, with Angel Fashion not being caught well, before Jaynes moonsaulted off the top and landed on her feet! Hey, it beats that hideous match she had in Blackpool… from there it’s back to the ring as Danger and James go at it, leading to Black Danger catching James in the corner for an inverted slam off the middle rope for the win. This may as well have been an eight-way for all of the tags we saw! **¼

Bandido vs. Daga
We finally get a pair of unknown voices on “commen tary”, followed by that buzzing as Daga and Bandido cancelled each other out with leapfrogs, roll through and armdrags, all done at a nice pace.

They move to the big lads’ shoulder charges, with Daga winning out, before his baseball slide to the floor saw him land in the path of an Asai moonsault from Bandido. Back inside, Daga keeps up with strikes, before Bandido flipped onto his head to avoid a ‘rana, and then gets caught in an armbar. Bandido escapes and lands a standing shooting star press as the pace shifted, before Daga rolled up into a DDT as those two-counts started to flow. Bandido catches Daga up top with a gamengiri and a Spanish fly, but on the mat Daga’s back with the Three Amigos, finishing off with Roderick Strong’s End of Heartache for the win. This was fine, a little brief, but very enjoyable. **½

The constant music that’s playing reminds me of those Young Lion matches that New Japan do, where they just leave the track playing…

Laredo Kid vs. Rey Horus vs. Flip Gordon
We started with Flip Gordon trying to suck up, parading a fan’s Mexican flag. Pandering!

This is all action from the start as Flip’s handwalk gets kicked away. Good. Laredo Kid chops Horus hard, and gets his own “uno mas” chant going, before Flip springboarded in with a missile dropkick as Gordon looked to dive… once Horus dove over him into Laredo Kid on the outside! Laredo’s Asai moonsault lands too, before the two Mexicans ganged up on the American. Political commentary!

Gordon quickly cuts them off with a superkick, but leaps into a cutter from Laredo Kid, who then blocks a satellite DDT and… eventually dumps Horus with a Fisherman buster. That looked a little off, but Horus’ wheelbarrow driver off the middle rope looked a lot cleaner as Flip again gets dumped to the floor like trash. Horus comes back in with that satellite DDT – that commentary called a pizza DDT – before a running Air Raid Crash and a 450 from Laredo Kid got the win. Another short, fun match… what was the point of Flip Gordon being here again? **½

Aeroboy & Black Diamond vs. Curt Stallion & Jason Cade vs. oVe (Dave Crist & Jake Crist) vs. The Rascalz (Dezmond Xavier & Zachary Wentz)
This match barely went five minutes, so I guess we’re into Style Battle’s territory of “throw names out there, stat!”?

Like the earlier four-corners tag, the match instantly goes outside as Jake Crist and Zachary Wentz connected with dives, before Aeroboy and Black Diamond repeated the trick. Stallion and Cade do the same, before we get a flip German suplex off the top rope as Aeroboy and Stallion decide to do stuff in the ring! A springboard lungblower from Aeroboy takes out Stallion, but Cade’s back with a suplex before Black Diamond… gets superkicked and replies with a big overhead belly-to-belly into the corner. Jake Crist decides he’s had enough and superkicked the taste out of Dezmond Xavier, as the Crists double-team Wentz for a while, dumping him with a superplex into a powerbomb for a near-fall.

More bodies fly around Aeroboy popped up Stallion into a wild spear from Black Diamond, before Jason Cade’s attempt to fly was ruined in mid air with a Jake Crist cutter. The Rascalz return and kill Jake with a stomp, before an assisted standing moonsault from Wentz gets the win. A fun, frenetic tag match… but I’ll be damned if any of this is remembered tomorrow! ***

Before the next match, we hear one of the commentators sheepishly admit that he messed up Black Diamond’s match in the last match, while the camera man tries out for WWE with frantic zooms onto the entrance curtain as we have some awkward pauses that don’t get edited out.

They’re still killing for time as the ring announcer polled the crowd for their favourite between Austin Aries and Penta el 0 M.

Sami Callihan vs. Brian Cage vs. Willie Mack
From flippy guys to the big lads now, and it turns out that the initial commentator – who messed up Black Diamond – is Rob Viper. Always good to introduce yourself halfway through the show!

Callihan tries to chop Cage early, and it doesn’t go well as Cage overwhelmed these guys in the opening moments, throwing in a ‘rana just because he can. Willie Mack does one too, and yeah, big lads shouldn’t be able to be that agile! Cage follows up with a 619 to Mack, before Callihan again tries to chop him like a dum-dum, and gets caught in the big man’s fallaway slam/Samoan drop combo.

Mack returns fire with a clothesline, but Callihan breaks up the pin as the crowd get on his back… he even gets on Mack’s back, for a Samoan drop, as a standing moonsault almost led to a double pin for Willie. The three-way formula returns as Cage superkicked Sami to the floor, but his dive’s stopped as Willie Mack decided to fly instead, landing a somersault plancha to the pair on the floor. Callihan runs away as Mack threw him back inside… so I guess we’re staying on the floor, where Sami throws a chair into Mack, before stacking up Mack and Cage by the guard rails for a leaping splash. Back inside, a gamengiri from Cage kills the video as my feed stutters…

Callihan spits into the crowd and ends up eating an F5 for a near-fall from Cage, who then ran into a sit-out spinebuster as Mack came closer, before a powerbomb from Sami completed the set. Sami shoves down the ref so he can try and kill Mack with the baseball bat, but the bat’s blocked before Mack wipes out everyone with stunners ahead of a frog splash to Sami for the win. A nice change of pace here, even if a portion of the crowd wasn’t so thrilled about a certain participant… ***

Flamita vs. Rey Fenix
Finally, different music! They only went a shade over five minutes, but this was stellar stuff.

The pair cancel each other’s dives out early, with Flamita stuffing a handspring stunner before taking one himself as Fenix headed outside with a tope con giro! Yep, starting out HOT! A double jump senton bomb back inside is only good for a near-fall from Fenix, who lit up Flamita with chops, ahead of a low dropkick that kept Fenix on top. Flamita mounted a comeback, tripping Fenix into the corner for a 619 and a missile dropkick, before he followed him outside for a huge Orihara moonsault to the floor! Back inside, a crucifix driver gets Fenix a near-fall, before he’s caught in a death valley driver as the pace was already showing.

A Spanish fly nearly puts away Fenix, as does a superkick, but Flamita can’t quite get it done… nor with a 450 splash as Fenix got crushed off the top! Fenix stuffs a reverse ‘rana and stomps on Flamita instead, before charging into the corner and brings him down with a spin-out Muscle Buster for the win. This was short, and felt a bit like a trailer for their Greatest Hits, but this was GOOD. Set aside five minutes and give this a go! ****

La Rebelion Amarilla (Bestia 666, Garza Jr. & Mechawolf) vs. LWO (Damian 666, LA Park & Nicho el Millonario)
So apparently, WWE didn’t renew the WCW trademarks on the Latino World Order – or the LWO – so the former WCW La Parka and Psicosis got to use the design.

They head to the outside instantly as Nicho gets powerbombed into the crowd. So much for the commission! Eventually the crowd brawling gives way to the story of how the Rebelion were being made to face veterans here as their storyline in the Crash has been them taking on rookies in the openers.

In the ring, Bestia removes LA Park’s belt and whips him with it, as the LWO were firmly being put on the back foot. Damien 666 ducks a clothesline as LA Park heads outside for a dive, as does Nicho… leaving us with the 666s in the ring, as Damian gives his son a backbreaker for a near-fall. There’s a violent suplex into the turnbuckle by Damian, before Mechawolf ate a Downward Spiral for a near-fall. Garza Jr. tries to get involved, but he just gets whipped in the face by Park’s belt, ahead of a clothesline, before Garza returned fire with a superkick. Park’s right back with a scoop slam as the pace died a little.

Damian 666 wanders in with that LA Park belt to repeatedly whip his son out of a cover. Mechawolf almost stumbles with a slingshot into the ring, but his dive to the floor connects, as does a slingshot DDT, but now Nicho has that belt! Garza distracts the ref as Nicho had the cover… only for Park to slap the hell out of the referee!

A double clothesline and a double pin gets double two-count, before Garza fired up into a spear for a near-fall as Bestia held up the ref’s count… and moments later we get a staggered series of moves, finishing with Parka’s reverse DDT as a trio of pins get the win. This was just about outliving it’s welcome, especially in comparison to the prior match, but this had some fun moments surrounding Park’s belt, and was a fun slice of nostalgia for those who remember WCW. ***

Austin Aries vs. Penta el 0 M
Yes, Aries had all of his belts with him. I wonder if he’s planning on mummifying himself with them? It’s not the weirdest kink, I hear…

Aries told Penta he had “zero cojones”, which isn’t the dumbest thing he’s done, as he followed that up by dragging Penta down to the mat with a waistlock, before Penta kicked him in the gut as Aries tried a roll through. Another superkick left Aries down, but he’s right back with a Boston crab as Penta quickly went into the ropes.

Aries switches it up as he leaps off the top to Penta on the floor with an axehandle, before peppering Penta with kicks as the pace remained slow. Austin tried to outline himself as the heel, which worked as Penta flew in with Slingblades for a near-fall, before Aries recovered with a shin breaker/back suplex combo and a power elbow for a near-fall.

Back-and-forth clotheslines in the corner give way to a back cracker for Penta, who tried to go for an armbar on Aries… but Austin escaped and grabs the Last Chancery, only for another rope break to follow. We almost get a scary apron bump as Penta instead dumps Aries on the floor with a death valley driver. On the apron again, Aries lands that death valley driver, but Penta’s quickly back up to take a low-pe, before they trade shots in the middle of the ring. Aries teed up for a rolling elbow, but gets stopped with a superkick. He replied with a bell clapper after the mounted punches, but Aries leaps into a superkick before his rolling elbow barely grazed Penta. The corner dropkick followed, as does the brainbuster, and that’s all! Not a popular result, but given how the Crash seems to be a little erratic with their booking, it’s a fitting result. **¼

As a Friday lunchtime show, this was a nice bit of variety in a weekend that was threatening to be overwhelmed with the same names in different combinations. Sure, it wasn’t the most authentic of Crash shows, with the previews coming in noting as much… but as a sub two-hour show, you can’t go wrong with this if you fancy a change from the deluge of WrestleMania weekend graps that’s out there to stream.