We’re back up to Newcastle for the latest round of NORTH Wrestling – and a rather shuffled card for NCL.6: XOXOX.

We’ve got a slightly tweaked line-up due to injuries… and we open with NORTH owner Andrew Bowers breaking the news. CCK had dropped off the show due to injuries – with some taking exception to the fact that they were well enough to appear for PROGRESS at Alexandra Palace the next day. Bowers then gets interrupted by Prokofiev’s Dance of the Knights – a song that’s a masterstroke to use for two bad guys in Newcastle – as Benji and Zeo Knox hit the ring.

(“Dance of the Knights”, whilst also used as the theme for BBC’s version of The Apprentice, is also a song that’s somewhat synonymous with Sunderland AFC, Newcastle United’s biggest rivals in the football world)

Benji, who may or may not be a waterboy elsewhere, looks like “Jimmy Havoc gone Tory”. They’re without Spike Trivet this month, but they’re still annoyed at being beaten up by NORTH’s security guards – aka “England’s Hardest Men”. Andrew Bowers is still in the ring, and he sets up an impromptu tag match… which unites the football rivalry I literally just referred to.

Benji & Zeo Knox vs. Lewis Ryan & Gavin Lewis
I think I’m going to use surnames here to stop confusing everyone… Ryan’s dressed in a Newcastle United shirt, whilst the debuting Lewis is in a Sunderland shirt… and weirdly shiny black shorts.

Benji tries to barge into Ryan… which doesn’t work, so he slaps him instead as the posh boys try to double-team. Ryan quickly obliterates Benji and Zeo like a Tory majority, but before we can really get going, Gavin Lewis runs in and drops his partner with a lariat!

I guess our impromptu match is off as this turns into a three-on-one beatdown on the Geordie before Lou Nixon – one half of that England’s Hardest Men team – hit the ring. Shreddy Brek hits the ring next, but the posh boys have already done a runner by the time he’d oiled up. Lewis hadn’t, and he shoves Brek off the apron into a fan in a wheelchair. We’re building up to their debut but it won’t be tonight – and when commentary’s poking fun at how drawn-out stuff is, you know they could have tightened it up. Like this segment.

Liam Slater vs. Amir Jordan
Liam’s thrilled to be here… so much so, he’s even dug up a WCPW personality t-shirt. I wonder how much more it cost him before the “everyone’s left us” fire sale? Slater’s looking at NORTH as being “beneath him”, and he’s trying to push that “Heart and Soul of British Wrestling” nickname. Hey, it’s a good act. For a bad guy.

Slater reckons a good wrestling company has seats, stage and branding. About that last point, Liam… he gets a guard railing because he’s spotted Dom Black in the crowd. Slater refused to wrestle if Dom was on the card, but he said nothing about “if Dom’s in the crowd”. A decent promo, but it did start to wander a bit at the end…

Amir Jordan’s entrance is LONG – to the point that by the time the bell rings, this particular YouTube video is halfway through! Slater, of course, threatens to walk out, but when we start proceedings Jordan’s all over Slater with armdrags and dropkicks, sending the salty one to the outside.

When he returns, Slater pins Jordan to the mat with a test of strength, before they worked up into a blocked monkey flip and a sunset flip, only for Slater to powerbomb Amir for a near-fall. From that kick-out Slater grabbed a single-leg crab and forced Jordan to crawl to the ropes. A comeback from Jordan brutally ends when he’s backdropped to the outside, and conveniently enough the two end up brawling near to Dom Black. Slater confronts him then shoves Dom down to the floor. That self-made distraction gave Amir an opening to mount a clothesline-infested comeback, before a roll-up into a neckbreaker almost got him the win.

Instead, Jordan took too long on the rope, and was brought down with a running powerslam… but again Slater seems infatuated by Dom Black and the uneven guard railing. Slater spits on Dom, who hits the ring. Whilst the ref was dealing with Dom, Slater kicks Jordan low and that foul is enough for the win. Opening promo aside, I really liked this side of Liam Slater – it’s a good character to portray given “politics” in wrestling in Newcastle. As for the match, it was a little hit and miss, but good enough I guess. ***

Afterwards, they played Amir’s music – which he then demanded be shut off, because he lost. Good logic!

Little Miss Roxxy vs. Shax
Again, despite being a local lass, Roxxy is hell bent on upsetting the crowd, including one of her former opponents: Ruby Radley. That’s the former Ruby Summers, to you and me. Her opponent today was Shax, who’s gradually appearing for more and more promotions in the UK after graduating from the WAW training school.

Roxxy starts by choking Shax with a scarf at the bell… they fought over it until Shax let go. Some dropkicks take Roxxy outside, but it needs a self-made distraction from Shax for the tables to turn as Roxxy attacked her from behind. Some shoulders take Shax into the corner, but a crossbody nearly wins it for the newcomer as Roxxy tries to wear her down once again. Shax gets stretched in the ropes as Roxxy dropkicked her out of there, but she makes another comeback, sending Roxxy onto the apron, ahead of a sit-out rope-hung DDT. From the kick-out, Roxxy switches into a brutal backstabber, before Roxxy rolled outside… and walks into a slap from Ruby Radley as we’re flashed back to an earlier NORTH show where Ruby took the loss.

Back inside, Roxxy’s still smarting as Shax hits a swinging Fisherman’s buster for the win! Well then! That was not a result I was expecting, and given that Ruby offered a handshake to Shax afterwards – and was intimidated away from it – suggests that there’ll be something between those two in November? **¾

Part four opened with the Sons of Ulaid, who were due to be wrestling #CCK on this show. They came out dressed as #CCK, well as close as you can get, I suppose with Bás Bán playing the part of Chris Brookes. Rory Coyle took a few shots at the “Soft Boys” they were meant to be wrestling, telling folks to “jump on a bus to Ally Pally”. Can’t think what they were referring to…

Long story short, the Sons of Ulaid had no match without #CCK in town. So they chose to wrestle each other, after Rory threw in some backstory about how they’d fought before and needed to be separated. Naturally, Bán was confused by all of this.

Rory Coyle vs. Bás Bán
The pair start off windmilling punches at each other as the brothers exploded… but there’s a fair bit of stalling as Bán took a while to figure out what was going.

Coyle headed outside and grabbed his hurley, but misses Bán with it the first two times. After that they connect, including with a shot to the head before Bás disarms him. Some unsettling squeals later, Bán misses a charge into the corner and ends up getting a few more shots to the gut with that stick.

Another comeback sees the pair of them trading forearms, with Bán ending up with a Dusty elbow before he went onto throw a clothesline to his brother. Bán stands on the hurley as Coyle tried to use it again, then uses it on him… but he took way too long to follow up, and as he approached his brother, Rory rolled him up for the pin. I don’t know what this was, apart from a way to fill in an annoying blank on the card. As a match this could have worked with build, but you had a crowd who came to see one thing and got something totally different. It’s not NORTH’s fault, but it was what it was. *¾

Next up, Danny O’Doherty? He’s out with Little Miss Roxxy, and the pair of them are seemingly in a mood to make some friends this time. The crowd chant for Danny to down a beer in one go, all whilst referee John Myers pantomimes the equivalent of “I won’t let you fight if you’re drunk”.

Danny turns himself back into a bad guy by proclaiming his love for Sunderland, which is a tactic that works in one city only. Eventually we find out his opponent: HT Drake, who’s built up a touch too much for my liking! Drake’s taken offence to Danny’s slogan and shirt design… but that’s more because Danny couldn’t “drink one, let alone drink all beers”. However, it turned out that Danny wasn’t wrestling… instead he’s got someone replacing him: it’s Erin Jacobs! Jacobs wasn’t on the last NORTH show after destroying Amir Jordan at NCL.4…

HT Drake vs. Erin Jacobs
Jacobs starts by taking Drake outside, but the local lad stops things by taking Jacobs to the bar so he could spray soft drink at him.

Back in the ring, Drake lands a springboard spinning heel kick as Jacobs eventually hit back, making use of a distraction from O’Doherty on the outside. An avalanche into the corner gets Jacobs a near-fall, but Drake switches things around with a dropkick… and again he falls for a distraction, as Jacobs capitalises with a spinebuster for a near-fall.

A rear naked choke kept Drake down, as does a choke with much less finesse, before Drake took things outside… and sort-of scores with a springboard crossbody into the crowd. Jacobs sidesteps it, only to get thrown into the ringpost. In the ring, Roxxy tries to interfere again, but Drake’s wise to the distraction as he boots O’Doherty, only to get low blowed by Roxxy. By the time Jacobs gets back to his feet, he’s only able to get a near-fall… and for some reason he decides to chew out Danny at ringside rather than focus on the match.

That costs him big time, as he turns around into a flying lungblower from Drake, and that’s enough to get the win! Decent enough match, but the “subject to change” motif of the night seems to have led to a lot of uncertainty in the crowd – but at least they woke up for the finish! ***

After the match O’Doherty and Jacobs looked to shake hands, but it was a ruse! Jacobs pulls Danny into a spinebuster before stamping Danny into the ropes. Another hired hitman, another failure for the Bishop Auckland lad then!

Main event time now, and with a helping handful of Darude, out comes Martina! She’s not too bothered about wrestling – she just wants a sesh. Someone who doesn’t though, is Chief Deputy Dunne… who immediately gets confronted with the “No Fun on his dick” chants. Dunne’s reply is to shut down the “Geordie scum” (his words, not mine), and order Martina down onto her knees. O-kay. That sounded fun for some. Dunne boots Martina, and apparently this is our main event?

Martina vs. Chief Deputy Dunne
Dunne tries to slam Martina, but he’s instantly caught in her Flap Trap, which led to a finger snap. She replies with a chop to the balls, a la ACH, before she works up into a beer mist on Dunne! In response Dunne grabs his megaphone… and there’s a DQ. That had better NOT be the main event…

Thankfully, it wasn’t. Out comes Flash Morgan Webster to make the save… except he had a point to make: Mods hate chavs. Webster attacked Martina with his helmet, but before any more damage could be done, out comes El Ligero!

Newcastle Streetfight: Lucha Session (Martina & El Ligero) vs. Chief Deputy Dunne & Flash Morgan Webster
This was Ligero’s first show for NORTH in a year, so they’re keeping up the terms of their Britwres license! They made this a Newcastle streetfight, so expect all the plunder! Ligero teased a dive early, but instead Martina delivered, and somehow in the landing she managed to cut her eye.

Despite the blood, she and Dunne continued the brawl outside, and that fan in the wheelchair in the front row became a Dunne-holder for a forearm from Ligero. Martina wants to give a chop too, and she delivered a bloody one to Dunne as Flash and Ligero wandered onto the streets of Newcastle!

Webster and Ligero fought on a trailer outside, before their attempt to take it back inside ended when they ran unto Martina and Dunne, who were on their way out anyway. They tease throwing everyone into the River Tyne, before wandering back towards ringside, where Dunne rammed Martina’s head into one of his own shirts. In the ring, a blurry camera shows Webster and Ligero duelling with something that we can’t quite make out, whilst Dunne continued to choke Martina on the floor. After Dunne had stopped that, he tried to sneak a roll-up on Ligero before Martina crashed into him with a crossbody.

After that crossbody, she headed outside to grab something – a masquerade mask, to debut El Motho to NORTH! Except Dunne quickly enziguiris the mask off her. Things turned even more against Dunne when he took a Bronco buster from Martina, and then had a helmet-wearing Webster crash into his nether-regions ahead of another Bronco buster! I pop for Maffew making me remember Webster was on Deal or No Deal, and we’re back to the crowd brawling.

Webster blasted Martina with a Hand’s Up headbutt as Dunne somehow found a knife?! Instead, Webster gives Dunne a First Aid box to “help”… by which he means whack her with. More plunder comes out as Webster accidentally whacks Dunne with a picture frame, just in time for Ligero to come out swinging with the wet floor sign.

Martina brings out a bag… but it’s not cans. It’s a depraved selection of pick ‘n’ mix! Ligero sets up Dunne for an entirely accidental piledriver, sending Webster onto the sweets, and that’s the start of a Parade of Moves, ending with a lungblower from Martina onto Dunne. Things get decidedly less violent as Webster and Ligero throw sweets at each other, but it’s Ligero who amps things up with chairs as he tried to drop Webster into them with a C4L… only for Flash to hit a Brit Pop Drop onto two chairs instead.

Dunne tries to end it with a rope-hung DDT onto the chairs, but Martina counters into a tornado DDT on the chairs, before a Destroyer gets the win! Massive massive thumbs up for someone winning a match with a Destroyer – a fun main event that helped save a show that had been ravaged by a lot of factors. ***

The show ends with a still-bloodied Martina starting a sesh as we’re treated to some highlights, ending with Stevie Aaron getting a lapdance. Only in NORTH!

I really don’t know what to make of this show. The injuries and late withdrawals really hurt the card – as what I expected their main event was completely thrown out of the window, and any hopes of a watered down replacement with Chris Brookes being thrown out with his even-later withdrawal. As far as “great wrestling”, this wasn’t the show for you – but if you’re looking for the wacky and unpredictable, then NCL.6 will be right up your street. In my view, a rare and unfortunate mis-step – although things should be back to normal for NCL.7: Fire Fire Fire… which is tomorrow, as this goes up.