Hope you like chops! We take a look from one of the weirder matches from this past weekend, as Figure Four’s Bryan Alvarez took on Marko Stunt in Indiana.

Stunt kind of exploded onto the scene when he was a mystery opponent at the Joey Janela’s Lost in New York show earlier this summer, and has become what some may say is the latest “flavour of the month”. Alvarez, on the other hand, seems to be becoming a feature attraction for Black Label Pro, having previously wrestled in a tag match against the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express this past July.

For those not aware of who he is, having originally retired in 2010, Alvarez is now better known for the Figure Four Weekly website, which is the home of a lot of his the Figure Four Weekly newsletter that he used to write in, alongside several radio shows he currently produces and hosts, along with the Wrestling Observer Newsletter.

Anyway, this show’s coming from Crown Point, Indiana, and was headlined by Ethan Page taking on Jordynne Grace for the Black Label Pro championship. That being said, there’s just the one match we’re focused on…

Marko Stunt vs. Bryan Alvarez
Ahead of the match, Bryan had put out a Tweet that looked to have guaranteed us hundreds of chops. That worries me, for a few reasons…

Now, Bryan’s always been mocked for being short, but this is ridiculous. It’s like someone about to finish their GCSEs versus someone just starting secondary school…

After a tentative start, Stunt locks up and gets taken into the corner, where he’s forced to duck a chop. It’s like Bryan’s a shrunken down WALTER! Stunt crouches to make himself a little lower, so Alvarez grabs a wristlock, but Stunt flips out and gets one of his own, before a drop toe hold doesn’t quite work, as both men stand off.

Stunt Flosses, so Alvarez goes for a takedown. Instant Hero. A headlock from Stunt’s easily pushed out of as Alvarez lands a shoulder tackle, before he plays to the crowd. Stunt’s angry, but Bryan offers an arm… which gets kicked away as Stunt goes for the wristlock anyway. Of course it’s reversed, but Stunt scores with some armdrags before he throws a chop that caught Alvarez unawares, ahead of a lucha armdrag. Bryan’s response? A chop that turns Stunt inside out.

There’s more chops as Bryan looks to, erm, chip away at the 300+ chops his retweets earned him, before a snap suplex led to a bit of a bad landing for Marko. An attempted fightbacks snuffed out as Bryan hauls up Marko for a German suplex, and there’s yet more chops as he begged the cameraman to zoom in on it. Stunt has some replies, which lit up Alvarez in the corner… prompting another suplex fightback. A hard Irish whip takes Stunt into the corner, but he’s back with some dropkicks which eventually miss as Bryan goes for a back suplex… which is flipped out of as Stunt dropkicks him in the chin for just a one count.

Bryan’s back with more chops, before he just tosses Stunt to the outside like he’s training to re-enact those old Duke “The Dumpster” Droese vignettes. Alvarez follows up… but he trolls us by going up top before dropping to the floor as they chop around ringside, with Marko taking the bulk of the shots, while Alvarez seemed to be bruising a lot more easily. For some reason a lot of this is shown on the hard camera as the mobile cameras had trouble keeping up live… They return to the ring, where Alvarez teases an apron piledriver, but Stunt slips out and trips him into the turnbuckle, before a springboard double stomp as Bryan was doubled over clipped his head for a near-fall. Stunt sparks another chop battle, as they go tit-for-tat, with Alvarez eventually knocking Stunt down.

Bryan misses a standing moonsault, but Stunt lands his… for a one-count. There’s a standing shooting star press that Marko lands for a near-fall, before a lucha armdrag out of the corner ends unceremoniously when Alvarez yanks him out, and into a superkick for the win. This was pretty solid, basing an entire match around the chop… and while the match breezed by, I’ve got to knock marks off for not coming close to 300, and for the top knot. In truth though, this was barely more than a novelty. **¾

Post-match, Bryan shook Stunt’s hand, but it’s a cheapshot as there’s a beatdown afterwards, which led to Alvarez fighting with the sound guy, who wouldn’t kill music nor turn on his mic. Eventually we got the challenge from Bryan for a tag match between he and Tom Lawlor (dubbed the “Chop ‘n’ Roll Express”) against Stunt and a mystery partner. On April 5. On a show called “Adventures in Wrestling”.

Oh. On WrestleMania weekend too. I know it’ll be 2019 by then, but there’s proof that Wrestling in 2018 is broken… Bryan Alvarez is one of the first names announced for WrestleMania weekend! What is going on?!

Still, hopefully by then Marko’s chops will be a little easier… lest he take some real ones from a real fighter!