This week on Three Count… PORK?! It’s like a Top Gear tease as the GWF picked up from their Battlefield show.
We open with a recap from prior episodes, where Kati Libra wants to become match-maker, and Lucky Kid has a chance to be in an advert… much to Pascal Spalter’s annoyance.
From there, we’re in the office as Crazy Sexy Mike is trying to tell Senza Volto on the phone that he can’t have a title match… unless he beats El Phantasmo at Revenge. Cash Money Erkan walks in but gets chewed out for not knocking… Ahmed Chaer calls out Erkan for not going to training, which just got Erkan in deeper trouble for not taking things seriously. Erkan threatens to leave GWF for an acting role… while Mike vows to kick him out personally unless he goes to training.
Next: Kati Libra tries to talk to Wesna outside the arena. Wesna’s not interested because of Kati’s past with Rambo… and it ends up with Kati bugging Wesna more than anyone in their right mind should. It kinda works as Wesna agrees to listen, if only so she can be matchmaker instead. We cut to Ali Aslan’s office, where he gets annoyed at finding sliced pork in his pocket. I did not expect to be typing that. Some of his Grup Anarsi stooges come in because he’s screaming about pork, and he orders them to go after the New Wave, who he thinks planted said sandwich meat.
Pascal Spalter’s signing stuff and ignoring Lucky Kid… at least until Lucky asks for advice about their shared casting call. Of course, Pascal tries to undermine Lucky by giving him bad advice… and that’s all from backstage for now, as we cut to the titles, and Huxley’s Neues Welt.
Felix Weber vs. Martin Guerrero
When we dipped into the first season, Felix Weber was the GWF matchmaker under Rambo… he’s now part of the Circle of Justice, which he details in his brief sit-down promo. His opponent, Martin Guerrero “comes from the Internet” and has shed the Loserweight title in recent weeks.
From the lock-up, Weber goes for the wristlock as Dave Bradshaw talks around what happened at GWF Battlefield over the weekend… without actually saying anything. He returns as we’ve got a battle of armdrags and kip-ups, with Guerrero struggling on his. Except it’s a con as he lured in Weber and kicks him in the face!
A monkey flip from Guerrero sends Weber flying, as Bradshaw tells us that Guerrero is the German equivalent of Simon Miller. Weber hits back with a clothesline for a near-fall, before the pair tee off with elbows and forearms. Martin reverses a suplex and goes for a wacky version of the Three Amigos, much like his namesake Eddie used to, only for Weber to end it with a suplex for a near-fall. Weber keeps up with a fallaway slam, then heads up top… where he leaps into a dropkick from Guerrero, before he’s met with the Genki Dama (diving knee) for the win. A win for Martin Guerrero in a match that wasn’t too bad, but felt like a Who’s Next audition. **¼
Orlando Silver vs. John Klinger vs. Pascal Spalter
We’ve only two matches, so this is your main event! This was Bones’ second match (in real time) since his GWF return earlier in the year, and he vowed to beat the former GWF champions here.
Commentary tells us that Spalter doesn’t have a good record in triple threats, and we start with Spalter and Klinger dragging each other to the outside… right in the way of a plancha from Orlando Silver that caught everyone – including the luminous-yellow dive catchers – unawares. Silver rolls Klinger into the ring, as we get some slightly-more-specific talk about Battlefield. Klinger superkicks Orlando into the corner for some chops, then a back body drop out only for Bones to run into a boot and some headscissors as he ends up changing his focus, leaping into Spalter with a low-pe on the outside.
Orlando Silver again gets involved off the top rope, leaping into the pair of them with a senton bomb, but they’re back inside as Bones starts to edge ahead in a striking battle. A spinebuster gets a near-fall as Spalter broke up the cover, before going after Bones with an avalanche splash and a superplex off the apron to pick up a two-count. Klinger counters an Angle slam into a German suplex, before hitting a slingshot spear after he was thrown onto the apron. Silver interjects himself with a crossbody off the top for a near-fall on Klinger, who then rolled outside so Orlando could instead keep up on Spalter with chops. Spalter replies in kind, before catching Bones up top for a belly-to-belly superplex.
Another try at the Angle slam ends with a lungblower from Bones, who followed up with a Falcon arrow for a near-fall. Spalter begins to hit back with a shotgun dropkick, but he’s quickly caught by a schoolboy from Silver for a near-fall… which the referee needed to clarify even though it was clear as day for all. In the end though it’s pointless as Silver hits an enziguiri and a Code Red for the win seconds later. As a three-way it was fine, but it felt very much like a backdrop for a wider Bones/Spalter feud. ***
Post-match, Vincenzo Coccotti is backstage trying to talk to Tarkan Aslan, who tells him to F off rather than listen to his amateur psychiatrist act. One leaves, but Aslan quickly gets bothered by “his brother”, and it’s not Lucky KId as we go off the air, with Olaf’s closing skit this time seeing him run in too early and on the wrong side of the credits. He’s clearly gotten drunk off of his carton of red wine, as he’s still moaning about his (lack of) a part.
This week’s episode was a bit tighter, but to me it felt like the show was too isolated away from the “real” events of the GWF. I get the matches were taped months ago, but that commentary didn’t give any specifics just creates an air that the product isn’t new – and is in a different universe to what’s presently happening, while at the same time somehow still building to future storylines. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a bad show, with plenty of storyline and development, but it just takes a lot of getting used to as against pretty much any other TV product out there.