The Craufurd Arms was home to the fifth GOOD Wrestling show – and boy, it was a memorable one!

Anthony Mafia vs. FOWLER vs. Chuck Mambo vs. Panda Cub vs. Jayde vs. Lloyd Katt
We start with our traditional GOOD scramble elimination match, with Chuck Mambo celebrating his birthday in some style. This marked the GOOD debuts of Mafia and Mambo, oh, and Lloyd Katt, who thought he was here bowling. Some superkicks later, he found out the hard way…

Katt tries to keep himself to himself, but Mafia quickly went for him as FOWLER and Jayde paired off in the ring… until a sunset flip earned Jayde the first elimination! Panda Cub tries to capitalise, scoring with a missile dropkick and a couple of stomps. A spinning heel kick from Mafia ends his spell on top against the endangered Panda Cub, as Mambo decided to go for a little surf on Mafia.

A gutbuster from Mambo takes Mafia to the outside as Katt returned from his spot of hiding… but unfortunately a headlock didn’t quite cut it. Nor did some shoulder tackles as he couldn’t be bothered. Until Mambo snapped his cigar in two! Lloyd Katts up into a comeback, before Jayde broke the pin as she made the save from a wacky lucha roll!

My God, Fat Kat’s good at this expressive comedy stuff in wrestling.

Jayde tried a surfboard, but it quickly turned into a chain of submissions that Mambo added to with a nipple twister that Graham the ref broke up. You’ll hear more about him later…

After some dives, which needed some careful negotiation with a low ceiling, Mambo went all Hogan and Rock, with a giant slam and some People’s Elbow attempts. He finally gets it on Mafia, before Lloyd hit the ring with a bowling ball – that went straight into the crowd! He doesn’t know his own strength! He gets his ball back eventually as the bowling finally goes to plan!

Problem was, a bowling ball to the groin doesn’t affect ladies. Not as much as a knee to the head did, as Jayde gave, then received, before a Reefbreaker from Mambo got rid of Mafia for our second elimination! Katt’s half of More Bang For Your Buck gets Mambo out, before a Panda Cub frog splash HIT THE CEILING then Katt to continue the rapid-fire eliminations.

We’re down to Jayde and the Panda, with the latter getting off an imploding senton before heading up top… but his frog (Panda?) splash misses, allowing Jayde to connect with Eat Defeat to win the match! An impressive opener – with Jayde being the stand-out alongside the antics of Lloyd Katt… ***¼

Pastor William Eaver vs. Earl Black Jr.
It seems the word of the Holy Ghost hasn’t reached Wolverton…

EBJ didn’t seem to fall for it either,but the Pastor came out like a house on fire, dropping Earl with a backbreaker, before missing a charge into the corner. Old School Violence in the form of suplays get Earl some near-falls, before the Pastor tries the Ghost again. It doesn’t work, and Earl keeps on movin’ (towards a win).

The Pastor’s dumped to the outside, but he rebounds with a diving clothesline over the ropes, before a crossbody out of the corner sent Earl packing. At least until he came back with some rolling Germans as his suplay-based offence looked to edge him closer to the win. Finally, the Holy Ghost worked, as it confused Earl for long enough to get a crucifix in – and fittingly, that’s what the Pastor won with! Basic stuff, but enjoyable enough. **¼

El Phantasmo vs. Rickey Shane Page
Unannounced before the show, this was a match that Phantasmo was pretty unsure of… until he was guaranteed that this wasn’t going to be a death match. Even though RSP instantly climbed the ropes in a bid to empty out some light tubes from the ceiling lights.

So we got some wrestling, with RSP showing he’s more than a guy who can take weapons shots. Frustrated, ELP calls for a test of strength, which catches Page out, before ELP decides to go for a walk around the top rope. Yeah, he’s gotta negotiate the low ceiling, and was doing so well until… he hit the light.

Eventually Phantasmo turned it into a ‘rana – at which point Page started to take things seriously. Phantasmo even offers a headlock to give him a way in, which is taken graciously as a slam gets Page just a one-count. They go for a suplex, which sees Phantasmo hit the fixtures and fittings again, before he takes a back body drop into a cheeky kick from Page.

Page tries to work with the roof again, but he’s caught by a kick from Phantasmo, who brings him down with a ‘rana before some double-handed chops kept the Canadian well on the way… Or so it seemed. After taking a series of running boots into the corner, Page hit an RKO… but Phantasmo kicked out and surprised Page with a wheelbarrow for a near-fall… before the Earth shook.

Or to be more precise, Phantasmo’s back, with a chokeslam backbreaker as Page got a near-fall. They give and receive chops for a bit, before some superkicks left Page on jelly legs as Phantasmo nailed him with a Canadian Destroyer FOR THE WIN! That move finally wins a match! That’s the biggest shock of the night so far! As a match, this was a really solid outing between two guys who (without wanting to sound unkind) excelled in this intimate setting. Perhaps it’ll not get the plaudits it should, but this was a low-key good match! ***½

Gene Munny Certificate of Excellence Challenge
Before the show, our favourite rubber-faced Benny Hill threatened to unveil a new title belt. But first, he gave us this wonder: Captain Lykos! Yep, with no Hustle Malone, Munny enlisted the help of #CCK to be his hype men, but instead Chris Brookes just corners the ref and tries to sit on him.

Munny’s offended at how the crowd crapped over his certificate at GOOD 4… and so he’s got a new belt instead. It’s the certificate with a studded belt taped to it.

OH MY DAYS.

We jump to the first challenger…

Gene Munny Certificate of Excellence: Gene Munny (c) vs. Panda Cub
Yeah, it’s the obvious “Panda Cub’s back for retribution” after #CCK laid out his tag partner on the last show. #CCK do the same to the cub this time, with Lykos helpfully reminding him that “animal’s don’t fucking talk”.

HOWLING.

The bell rings, Munny hits Ainsley Lariat, and that’s all folks. SPLAT. But the challenge doesn’t stop there as Gene wants one more. Cue Real American… and it’s referee Graham?! He pulls off the Earl Hebner sunglasses look, and gets a conga line. Of ONE.

Gene Munny Certificate of Excellence: Gene Munny (c) vs. Graham
Gene offers Graham a free shot, which he gladly takes before Ainsley Lariat flattened him. A second one dumps him hard, and that’s two-for-two for Gene… who has one more challenger!

Gene Munny Certificate of Excellence: Gene Munny (c) vs. Eddie Dennis
They start off hot, with Munny having some proper competition (that is, not a referee or a cub that’s already wrestled), as Eddie quickly took Gene up for a swinging side slam.

Eddie looked to finish off Gene early, but a distraction from #CCK got Gene back in it, but those forearms from Eddie got him back on top. At least until Gene whipped him hard into the corner, that is. More #CCK interference followed as Munny had the ref distracted, before a standing imploding senton gets a near-fall as Gene decides to one-up Chris Brookes.

By picking Eddie’s nose and eating it. Sake.

Eddie turns things around with a noggin knocker, sending #CCK into each other, before cutting off a dive from Munny. A slingshot spear nearly did it for Gene, but he instead heads up for a Vader Bomb… by which point Eddie had gotten up and brought him down with a Crucifix bomb for a near-fall.

Eddie intercepts the belt, which leads to a pull-apart as the ref… somehow breaks the glass on the frame! How the heck did that happen? A crucifix bomb follows for the ref as he’s thrown into #CCK on the outside, before Gene eats a Next Stop Driver… but there’s no ref! In the fallout of that, Gene gets the title frame and whacks Eddie with it for a near-fall, before he slips out of a Next Stop Driver. Cue more #CCK shenanigans, as their tag move sets up for Ainsley Lariat… and the best named finisher on the scene gets Gene his hattrick! A really fun segment, and that means he’s gonna be back to do this all over again in the new year! ***¼

Jack Sexsmith vs. Love Making Demon
“The Completely Normal Dream Match” started the second half, and this was exactly the barrel of laughs that you’d expect. Starting with the Demon not being able to ring a bell, to Jack playing off the Sun newspaper mistakenly calling him part of WWE. The Demon wants to know about Cocko, which seems to get him quite excited!

Sadly, Jack wants to be serious, and so we get.. Wrestling!

The lack of commentary makes Jack’s attempts at coaching so much more audible – really translating the small room vibe to the home audience. Sexualised moves follow, and this extremely normal!

Out comes Cocko, but Demon unpeels it and throws it away. Cue some dick slaps and low blows, with the ref slapping them both low out of frustration. The ref gets one too, and goes full Chris Roberts as he counts both men down. Jack channels Daniel Bryan so he can be taken seriously, which sort of works as a series of kicks to the chest leave the Demon rocking, as does a hip attack in the corner.

Of course, Jack can’t help himself… he apologises to Vince in advance as the Demon gets a bare-arsed Stinkface! Which turned him on! After trying a comeback a la Harry the Pitfall man (there’s a niche reference!), Sexsmith gets in the LGBDT, before another Cocko gets turned on himself! In the end, the Crippler Cock-face does the job – despite the Demon having no faceholes – and that’s an end to all normality. 10/10 would book again. That was insane, and I loved every second of it!

Ashley Dunn vs. Kyle Fletcher
Apparently Dunn is called the “Minesweeper”. I hope that doesn’t mean he’s bloody infuriating to play?

This started slowly, before the pair started flying, with a tope con hilo from the local lad Dunn rocking the ever-expressive Fletcher, before their brawl into the crowd cost someone their drink… and deposited Ashley into the front row. A PK leaves the local lad reeling, as do a series of vicious stomps in the corner… but Dunn was able to kick out at one.

Fletcher keeps up the pressure with some joint manipulation – straight out of the school of Zack Sabre Jr – only for Dunn to rebound with an enziguiri and a leg lariat. With the ceiling too low to try it off the top, a standing shooting star keeps Dunn’s aerial game in play for a two-count. It’s solid stuff, but nobody wants to boo the hometown guy… nor the Aussie who’s hard to hate!

Dunn goes up top, but aborts his dive and ends up getting drilled with a Michinoku driver as Fletcher nearly snatched victory, only to get clocked with an overhead kick. He responds with a big boot after Ashley did his best Lloyd Katt impression, before a whole lot of swinging and missing led to a reverse ‘rana that spiked Kyle. Unlike ELP earlier, this staple of two-counts didn’t lead to the finish, and that almost cost Dunn as he’s kicked out of the corner, and into a double stomp that nearly won the match.

An ushigoroshi of all things dropped Fletcher for a near-fall, as Dunn headed up top once more, crushing the Aussie with a double stomp… but still it wasn’t enough! Kyle was dead weight though, and lifting his slight figure up proved to be a mammoth task as Dunn looked for a double underhook Destroyer… instead, he eats a superkick and a diving boot as Fletcher ended up drilling him with a brainbuster for the win! This started slow but ended up being really really good by the end! ***¾

After the match, Fletcher offered a handshake… but Dunn slapped it away. Both these guys have much bigger tag team partners, and I do wonder… Aussies vs South Coast?

CZW World Tag Team Championships: Mike Bird & Wild Boar vs. #CCK (Chris Brookes & Kid Lykos) (c)
The CZW tag titles were in our main event, as #CCK defended their natty American titles against the Welshmen – and yes, this was the full-fat, love-to-hate-them #CCK. Lykos was getting pelters from the start, and they returned it in spades. Hey, Lykos got worked up so much, he had to apologise!

Then again… Brookes and Lykos just ease off… until the ref threatens to strip them of their titles if they get counted out. It left Bird rolling around on the floor in fits of laughter. Either that or he watched that Japanese cartoon off the Simpsons…

Finally our main event gets going after a little too much Graham (cheers for moving him Mike), as #CCK ape the War Machine start, cheapshotting from the handshake. The Craufurd Arms quickly becomes a combat zone as they take the fight into the crowd, with the ref ignoring their pleas for “ultraviolent rules”. And mine to have a wolf taken off of me.

The challenger isolate Brookes on the apron with some chops, before Lykos threatened to be “ultraviolent”. He ate his own baking tray. Lykos returned to do a Sliced bread to Bird on the apron, seemingly jarring his shoulder. He continues for a bit, watching on as Boar sent himself into some chairs on the outside.

Lykos gets shouted down time and again as Boar’s kept in the corner, before the Lykos train of failed brainbusters gets going. Somehow, a dropkick counted as a brainbuster… but only when he went to dropkick Brookes by mistake. Hey, the Boar’s brainbuster worked without a hitch, man! Mike Bird tags in and is like a house on fire, throwing Lykos into a grounded Brookes with an overhead belly-to-belly into the corner, before going like “the fucking Undertaker” with a tope! The whipped cannonball wipes out Lykos as Brookes took a double-team powerbomb… but Lykos returns to help hit that sick f’n tag move with no name for another two-count.

Bird returns with a Jackie Chan slap or two, before a lungblower/frog splash combo gets the challengers a near-fall. Lykos clears things again and gets a two-count after the champs combine for the Ink Bomb. Boar piles the champs onto each other for a back senton – and it looks like that’s what did him in as Lykos rolled out immediately, leaving Brookes solo against both challengers.

After Boar took a slingshot RKO, Bird ate a Jay Driller for a near-fall, before pulling him down onto the mat for a Zack Sabre Jr-esque Octopus to force a submission. Yeah, they even admit the ending got a little weird, with the disclaimer of “however we cut it up, Brookes still won, so for that we are deeply sorry”. WIN. Until the injury, it was a pretty solid main match, but it was rotten luck that it all ended on that. ***¼

The worrying thing about watching back shows I’ve been to is “do they translate well onto tape?” GOOD seem to have nailed it. Their venue at the Craufurd Arms really is a back room of a pub, but it’s an amazingly intimate place for wrestling – and with the right crowd, it creates a memorable evening’s entertainment. GOOD are running bi-monthly in 2018, and if you’re in any way within driving (or a train’s) distance of Wolverton… you can’t go wrong. Fantastic value for money, good wrestling (hey-hey!) and a night you’ll never forget.

  • GOOD 5 is currently available to purchase via Vimeo – and if you use the code MOVIN33 you get 33% off. Can’t say fairer than that, eh?