GCW’s Collective wrapped up in the only way it could – with the Greatest Clusterf**k as Joey Janela’s Spring Break came to an end.

We’ve a delayed start thanks to GCW pushing back bell time to allow for fans to make it over from the lo-o-o-ng New Japan/ROH show at Madison Square Garden. So it’s technically very early on WrestleMania Sunday when this got going at the White Eagle Hall in Jersey City, New Jersey as people were still filing in… Rich Palladino’s dressed down even more, and we’ve got Denver Colorado on commentary with Kevin Gill, Dave Prazak and Ron Funches as we start with… Masato Tanaka’s proper music? Nah, they stop it, because we’ve got someone else…

Joey Janela vs. Jungle Boy
Janela is Extremely Mad™ at Okada and ROH/New Japan for going long…

The Janela comeback continued against another guy who was a breakout star on one of his shows, and we start with big “fuck ROH” chants. Jungle Boy took Janela into the corner early with headscissors, but ends up eating some chops and superkicks, as they were doing their best Superkick Party here. Finally a clothesline from Janela sent Jungle Boy flying, only to get taken down with a receipt, as he then rolled outside… and that’s a danger zone, as Jungle Boy flew out with topes, wiping out the camera man in the process before landing a huge tope con giro!

Janela catches Jungle Boy on the top rope and drills him onto the apron with a Next Stop Driver. Fuck no. That’s only enough for a one count after Janela rolled him in, as chops followed from both men. Jungle Boy tries for a springboard, but gets knocked down onto the apron before he returned with a springboard spear, then a springboard cutter for some near-falls. Penelope Ford trips Jungle Boy in full view of the ref, then goes flying in with a ‘rana off the top… then again with a handspring headscissors before she missed a charge into the corner, with Jungle Boy taking her down with a lungblower. Janela capitalises with that with a spinning package piledriver, but of course it’s not enough.

Jungle Boy’s satellite headscissors turned into a satellite reverse DDT as he lost his base for a near-fall, before a Quebrada got caught… with Janela rolling back into a Dragon sleeper. A rope break’s pretty quickly called for though, but Janela goes back to a camel clutch right by the ropes. They head outside as Janela ate a rolling death valley driver on the apron, before Jungle Boy headed to the middle rope for a flip senton into the crowd.

Back inside, Janela counters some satellite headscissors into a tombstone, and yeah, it’s only for a two-count… Jungle Boy comes back with a lungblower out of the corner before he headed up top, only to get caught with some forearms as Janela was brought down with an avalanche brainbuster! Good lord almighty… and that’s only enough for a one-count as Janela kicked out! A superkick and a diving knee is Jungle Boy’s retort for another two-count, before the pair began to exchange German suplexes off the ropes.

They go forever trading those Germans, until Janela leaps onto Jungle Boy’s back… but Jungle Boy countered into a wacky choke as Janela had climbed onto him, and that’s enough for the submission. I have no clue what that submission was, apart from “Jungle Boy calls it the Mushroom lock”, but this was a fun match to kick off the early-morning. ***¼

LAX (Ortiz & Santana) vs. The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express (Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson)
Nice shoutout to Cesaro there, Bryce…

The present faces the past in this match… one I never knew I wanted to see until the teams came out. We eventually get going as Robert Gibson was a ball of energy, throwing LAX around the ring with hiptosses… was NOT expecting that! There’s some Robert to Ricky as a knee lift from Morton took Santana outside… and we’ve a Ricky to Robert as Gibson worked over Santana’s arm. The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express isolate Santana early, but Ortiz is able to come in quick with a slam on Morton, which looked to have winded the veteran. Santana’s back to stomp through Morton’s arm, before Ortiz’s Ralph Wiggum headbutt led to a near-fall. Sebastian Hollmichel has a lot to answer for for bringing that reference in…

Morton ducks an Ortiz charge in the corner as Gibson gets the hot tag in to catch Santana in a sleeperhold as this is breaking down a little. Ricky and Robert get thrown into each other, but Santana accidentally knocked his own man down as a sunset flip from Morton nearly took the win. A legdrop from Ortiz has Gibson flat on the mat again, before Ricky somehow broke up a pin with a DESTROYER?! When the past meets the present… and you can see Denver Colorado openly slack-jawed on commentary. Morton heads out with a tope into LAX, but Santana’s able to save the pin on Ortiz as Morton somehow was rolling back the clock several decades for this ne match. Well, until Santana booted him in the face, taking him down for a step-up cannonball into Morton for the win as Robert Gibson was just so knackered and couldn’t even try to make the save. Look, you’re only gonna remember the Morton Destroyer, but this was an absolute spectacle. Ricky Morton… the PCO of 2019?! ***

Post match, we get chants of “rock and roll”, because who the hell wouldn’t be amped by that?

Masato Tanaka vs. LA Park
Tanaka finally got his proper music… DANGAN! I’m getting serious GWF vibes with all these party cannons, all we need is an abundance of flags… and holy crap, it’s LA Park!

Park is appearing more frequently these days in the States for MLW, and we open with chops and kicks as LA Park made Tanaka sink to his arse in the corner. Back-and-forth corner clotheslines follow as LA Park shucks and jives, and yeah, he’s already gassed. But who cares, it’s Spring Break?! Park whacks a chair on Tanaka’s head, but of course it has no effect as Tanaka replied with a rolling elbow for a near-fall. A scoop slam puts Park back in front for a near-fall as we’re getting super low-cardio covers, before Park took off his belt and whacked Tanaka with it.

Tanaka catches Park with a tornado DDT, then a sliding lariat for a near-fall before we headed outside as Tanaka crushed a beer into Park’s head. Park heads under the ring as Tanaka makes some space in the crowd for some brawling, and to get whipped into the apron as LA Park does LA Park things. Including slamming Tanaka deep into the crowd, who got caught by Tanaka’s legs on the way.

They brawl back around ringside, so LA Park could get some doors from under the ring. One’s set up across the ropes, which Tanaka is sent exploding through with a powerbomb for a near-fall, before a second door was setup in the other corner. A German suplex and a diving knee has Tanaka loopy, but it nearly puts him away. Somehow Tanaka’s able to come back with a superplex to Park, then a big splash, but Park rolls him off for the two-count as Park came back with a spear to put Tanaka sort-of through the door for the win. Well, this wasn’t a mat classic, but we didn’t need it to be – this was the Tanaka old school fans wanted to see, for better or for worse. **¾

THE GREATEST CLUSTERFUCK
Dave Prazak, Ron Funches and… why Frank the Clown are on commentary here. Ugh.

The Clusterfuck is like a New Japan rumble – pins, submissions or over the top rope… and of course we hear none of that because commentary talks over it. We start with the Necro Butcher, who threw Bryce Remsburg out as part of his entrance. Too soon! Number two… NICK GAGE. Holy balls, hide your weapons!

It’s a scrappy start as we’re already into number three, SHLAK and Markus Crane in a double-shot. He’s barely hit the ring with a table as Gage nearly fell out. Butcher wants to fight SHLAK, and he gets his wish as the hockey fight punches had the crowd going wild. Number four is a change of pace… Georgie Boy. No idea. The poor sod is cannon fodder though, as Crane and Gage charged into him, before Crane just threw a door at Butcher and Gage. Whaaa?

Georgie ends up getting thrown through the door, with an awkward landing to boot, before he got beaten with the remnants as Swoggle headed out next. He superkicks SHLAK, but gets wiped out with a clothesline. In the corner, Necro Butcher tries to carve up Crane as our next entry appeared to be Arik Cannon! Somehow SHLAK’s bleeding, and we start with Cannon teeing off on Gage as their old rivalry blew up. Necro Butcher and Swoggle go at it, which is a sight for sore eyes, especially when Swoggle smacks Necro in the balls with a rubber chicken before SHLAK just press slammed Georgie Boy out of the ring. NOPE to that landing.

Next up is Joe Gacy, who took his time as things are beyond broken down, and somehow Arik Cannon’s bleeding. Brian Pillman Jr. is out next as Swoggle’s choking away at Gacy with some wood. Yup. Pillman makes a beeline for Gage as they tee off on each other, before SHLAK and Crane tried to suffocate Pillman with a plastic bag… only to decide to dump him on his neck with a double-team back suplex for a near-fall.

Nate Webb’s out next with Marko Stunt as we have an impromptu break so they could do a live performance of Teenage Dirtbag. Brendan Brown – the lead singer of Wheatus – joins the match, which just continues as everyone was singing along. What the actual hell is going on here? This is like the background of a movie… and somehow we nearly miss Pillman flying into the crowd, eliminating himself, but nobody noticed.

What they DID notice, was MJF entering the match, stopping the music short with chairshots as he became the most hated man in the building. That bastard. Everyone serenades MJF with “you are my sunshine” as Joey Ryan comes out, clearly wanting to be a part of the better show. There’s chants of “your show sucked”, which isn’t wrong, as Joey Ryan superkicked a lollipop into Arik Cannon. Next up: Sexxxy Eddy, who was waiting for Joey Ryan to oil him up. They share a common love of baby oil, which is just weird, and we have another entrant before they do anything else… Effy. He wants some oil too, but instead we just see Joey Ryan take off Eddy’s towel, to show him wrestling in the buff.

Eddy’s left rather exposed as Mick Moretti leapt in off the stage to enter the match, while Ryan helped Eddy up top for a hands-free butt naked moonsault – the real Best Moonsault Ever. Thankfully, Arik Cannon rolls up Eddy for the pin as he went to the back to find some clothes. Marko Stunt is out next, along with Logan Stunt, as Arik Cannon tried to suffocate MJF with Sexxxy Eddy’s towel. Swoggle full on punts MJF in the corner as the Stunt brothers squared off… only for Necro Butcher to pick them both Logan and throw him out. Thanks for coming. Next – A-Kid and Carlos Romo of Team Whitewolf as we’re doubling up a lot here, and they go straight for Pillman with a double superkick to eliminate him with a pin!

Kobe Durst is next, as we see Swoggle block a dick flip and send Joey Ryan out with a reversal! In the middle of that, Carlos Romo saved himself as Effy nearly got killed with a big piledriver from Durst. Egotistico Fantastico is next, landing a moonsault on Effy for a near-fall as Necro Butcher… decided to eliminate him, complete with an awkward landing through the ropes. He’s legitimately nuts. We’re back to this being sheer insanity as G-Raver entered the fray to up the deathmatch quota… and he’s got weapons. Hypodermic needles… why?! Swoggle gets them spiked into him like skewers, before he just pulls them out and hits a German suplex, only to get pinned via a Cannon superkick. Oh, there’s my lunch again!

Kikutaro’s out as Moretti’s eliminated by Team Whitewolf, and he’s here with a loaded finger gun… which works best up the bum, apparently. Bryce Remsburg puts a stop to it as Kikutaro “shoots” himself, and that’s enough for the elimination as Teddy Hart comes out with his cat. There’s no way that thing isn’t sedated here. G-Raver runs into SHLAK with a Meteora off the top as Teddy was doing a lap of honour, and everyone’s weirdly piled up in the corner. Presumably they’re allergic to cats, or just having a few drinks. Arik Cannon gets rid of A-Kid and Carlos Romo, before the music stops… as we’ve got a scared Necro Butcher and… HOMICIDE?! Oh God. Teddy and Homicide square up to each other as Necro Butcher’s choking out G-Raver quietly in the corner. An uppercut from Teddy angers Homicide, who laughs it off before CRYME TYME COMES OUT. What the hell has Joey Janela pulled off here?

Cryme Tyme throw fists at Teddy and Homicide, as I secretly wished they were at ROH… and they quickly low bridge Teddy Hart from this match. Meanwhile, Shad Gaspard brawls with Homicide in the crowd as SHLAK wa srolled-up by Arik Cannon for the elimination. Kobe Durst’s gone too, and it’s time for more new faces… the Grim Reefer. There’s a name I’ve not heard for a while.

Homicide gets shoved off the top rope by Reefer for an elimination, before all three of the Ugly Ducklings hit the ring – Colby Corino, Lance Lude and Rob Killjoy. Colby just about tornado DDT’s Reefer as Slim J keeps the entries a-coming. Slim hits a sweet springboard corkscrew kick to one of the Ducklings, as they all seem to have it out for him… before Slim J eliminated himself with a tornillo to nobody in particular on the floor. Facade is next, as MJF eliminates Cryme Tyme by himself… before obviously winding them up as he’s want to do. So Necro just punches him out. Beautiful. Gringo Loco’s up next, much to the joy of Mr. Brickster in the aisle. Loco flip-sentons onto the face of G-Raver as we wait for the next entrant… AJ Gray.

Gray goes wild with clotheslines and leg lariats as he was put in the role to shine… and by God, he shone. The big lad drops Lance Lude with a Steiner screwdriver before he hit a tornillo into the Ugly Ducklings on the floor as Ophidian came out to run in with a Meteora. I guess self-eliminations aren’t a thing here. Rob Killjoy boots G-Raver as he went for a dive, as the Ducklings hit a trio of dives… as did Gringo Loco, before Rich Swann headed out. What the hell is he doing here? The flippy stuff continued with Swann’s Sasuke special, before Facade’s step-up 450 to the outside continued the insanity. Necro Butcher punches out Arik Cannon after he refused to dive… and now we’ve a new face in the form of… No Legs Dustin Thomas! Thomas hits a 619 to Fantastico in the ropes, before he hauled himself up for a senton bomb as Egotistico was eliminated. Thomas has a dive of his own to the outside as he hit a corkscrew dive into the pile that was still on the floor… and now Brendan Brown joins the fray. Yes, the Wheatus singer.

Brown goes for MJF, but he took too long in calling for a suplex, as MJF punts him low… before Brown came back with a Stunner that was sold a la Scott Hall as MJF was eventually eliminated. Good God. That’s all Brown wanted to do, as he eliminates himself and headed to the back. Facade’s back with a rope-walk imploding 450 to the floor as we have more insanity… and now here comes the End: Parrow and Odinson! BIG GUYS DOING A BEATIN’! They hit a Super Collider on the Ducklings before Lude took a nasty spill as he’s powerbombed to the floor. Christ. Killjoy took a back bodydrop to the floor, before Colby was tossed with a fallaway slam to the outside. Bye bye.

Next out was the long intro for Shane Mercer, as eliminations began to stack up, including Facade, who took a Doomsday Uppercut before Parrow stared down “No Legs” Thomas. Oh boy. He’s thrown out by the End, who then stare down Swann, and dump him with a sitout tombstone as Arik Cannon tried to steal the pin. Mercer clubs away on Parrow for a while, before he hoiked him up for a STALLING SUPLEX… then a moonsault fallaway slam on Odinson. Tony Deppen’s out next, as he’s crowd surfed around the room for… reasons. Mr Bloops and Bleeps’ music hits as Jake Atlas joins the party with Lucas Riley. They’re in there alone with Mercer as they got time to shine, double-teaming Mercer for a spell as Australian Suicide came in off the top with a flying ‘rana. Yep, we’re back to the madness.

KTB is out next – a guy who’s fallen since last year’s Spring Break, as he seemed to be poised for bigger things. Here, he wrecks Deppen with a powerbomb before tossing him out, then followed up with fallaway slams to Atlas and Riley. Mercer and KTB exchange chops as Caveman Ugg comes in, making a beeline for KTB with chops before he edged ahead with a headbutt. Ugg wipes out Atlas with a leaping knee, then a suplex, before Riley took a pop-up slam for good measure. Up next was CROWBAR, who flipped into the ring with a legdrop to Ugg, before he went back up for a top rope ‘rana to Gacy. Christ, for the ring rust Crowbar has, he’s not too shabby here. Matt Tremont’s next, and he went straight for Necro Butcher in the corner, before Grizzly Redwood appeared. BLAST FROM THE PAST.

Chris Dickinson and Pinkie Sanchez join next, with the Dirty Daddy swinging for the fences with chops at Necro, who headbutts him. Dickinson eventually powerbombs Redwood, who tried to hang on, as new music signalled the arrival of… Michael Blaze. There’s a generic name for you. He’s quickly followed by Kit Osbourne and Frankie Picard from CZW. nWo Sting’s up next, going straight for Pinkie before he laughed off Grizzly Redwood’s stuff. Oh God, it’s Tracy Smothers, who’s more mobile than he was at the Penis Party as he comes in with chops to the throat of everyone before Mantaur made his return! Mantaur puts the boots to Smothers, before Matt Knicks entered the party. Briefly. nWo Sting’s gone, as Cecil Nyx comes in… and walks around ringside with Rich Swann in a suplex. That’s different! Nyx drops Swann on the apron while Smothers gets turfed outside by Dickinson.

We’ve got Jimmy Lloyd late out next, thankfully free of scissors, as he goes for Tremont while an awful spill took care of two guys through a table. That looked bad, even from what they caught on tape. There’s more doors set up outside as they set up some contraption on the hard camera side… just in time for Masashi Takeda to renew rivalries with Jimmy Lloyd. Jeff Cannonball keeps the deathmatch guys quotient high again. Mercer’s turfed aside after Cannonball’s sit-out tombstone looked to go awry. Lloyd throws out Takeda, as Ethan Page stopped agenting for long enough to head out and join the match. Essa Rios is next, yes… that Essa Rios from the late 90s, and he gets an elimination taking care of Nyx. Necro Butcher went out as nobody was watching, while Marko Stunt somehow rejoined the fray as… Maria Manic joins… except she doesn’t, as we get Allie Kat, Martina, Harlow O’Hara, Ashley Vox, Solo Darling, Shazza McKenzie and Su Yung surrounding the ring. Manic hit hits the ring as she spears Tremont… Ethan Page takes a door too from O’Hara as the women were cleaning house, making up for Janela’s “no women” rule that had been playing on social media beforehand… but went totally unmentioned here.

Martina grinds on G-Raver, as Ashley Vox caught Marko Stunt with an air raid crash as the ring became empty. Solo hits a Dudley Dog on Ophidian off the ring, as Frank the Clown got him some, as the women punted him low repeatedly on behalf of the crowd.

Allie Kat’s gone to the back and has come back with light tubes, with Jimmy Lloyd taking so. Many. Shots. Shazza McKenzie lands a death blow as we end up getting two proper wrestling tables, which Manic used to superplex Dickinson through as I think eliminations are a done… especially since the women killed the referees to continue the gender war. They spare Aubrey Edwards, as they begin to rip apart the ring, before the women dragged out and choked “Known Sexist” Joey Janela in the ropes. Shoulda let them be a part of the match, Joey, as we end abruptly… presumably with a no contest.

Well, the Clusterfuck lived up to it’s name. Plenty of surprises, a lot of spots where things dragged, and a finish that paid off a storyline that commentary seemed oblivious to. Good job! ***

This was a “it did what it said on the tin” show. I don’t think anyone really could have “broken out” on this show, thanks to the insanity of the match (over 70 names in the Clusterfuck alone), but hey, you weren’t coming here for mat classics, for ***** outings or anything else. You can for something different. The lunacy, the oddities and the surprises… and yes, it delivered in spades. The show being split into two parts massively helped things, as the Clusterfuck would have dragged badly as part of a longer show, I fear, but this ended up being a fine line-up to end the Collective’s, erm, collection of graps.

Long Live Spring Break!