Fight Club: Pro returned to the Fixxon for a double-header in March – and a wacky show that began the farewell tour of Nixon Newell…

After the insane wait for February’s show, this was released less than a week after the show… and we started with Martina the Session Moth celebrating St Patrick’s Day as only she can. To Sandstorm. Cue her asking the fans if they’re having fun, and then… out come the Anti-Fun Police.

Yep, the ATTACK! x Fight Club: Pro crossover continues with the emergence of Chief Deputy Dunne, whom one fan points out “has no fun on his dick”. Awkward gear design for the win! Martina ignores Dunne’s attempts to belittle her, then resists arrest by bending over and reversing into him… she then removes some concealed weapons from “in there”… in the form of a marrow. Eh?! Oh, and a nerf gun too! Dunne kicks Martina low, and for some reason we have Joel Allen out in the new CHIKARA-inspired referee shirt… this is now a match?

Martina vs. Chief Deputy Dunne
Dunne – and his arse-cheek-but-they’re-really-sunglasses trunks tried for a sunset flip early, but Martina pulls out the nerf gun and shoots him. Trent Seven wanders by to see what the heck’s going on, as Martina eats an enziguiri from the apron, before she grabs Dunne in his No-Fun Zone and press slams him to the mat.

A swinging neckbreaker takes down Dunne for a near-fall, before he’s sodomised with a marrow. Not literally. That puts him into the corner for a bronco buster, which he blocks with the marrow, before a bicycle knee rocks Martina. She counters a Sister Abigail into a roll-up, then holds Dunne hostage with the nerf gun, eventually shooting him in the No-Fun Zone.

She follows up with the Codebreaker as she then shoots him in the head, killing Chief Deputy Dunne. Trent rolls in to give check on him, we get the X symbol, as Martina is declared winner “by homicide”. And in the current climate, she’ll be getting a WWE title shot any day now!

Beautiful nonsense for the win!

They call for help, which comes in the form of G-Man, whilst the referee screams at Martina for shooting and killing Dunne. All whilst Sandstorm played in the background.

David Starr vs. Dan Moloney vs. Clint Margera
Dan got his name spelled properly this time… and a load of “Dan” chants. He’s going to be so screwed when he goes to Norwich… This time the crowd mock Dan for his gloves and his boots, so it’s just as well that the FCP refs have stopped wearing those black latex gloves!

We start with a tease of a Human Centipede-esque German suplex spot, with plenty of reversals before it’s broken up. Everyone goes headlock takedown crazy, before the crowd go back to crucifying Moloney.

Dan pulls Starr and Margera into each other, then chops the hell out of Moloney in the corner. A big boot takes him to the outside, before David Starr has a go, and he succeeds in throwing Dan to the outside… but it’s actually Margera who succeeds with a tope, then a tope con hilo as everyone’s left in a heap on the floor.

When they return to the ring, it’s all a bit fast-paced – Moloney hits a sit-out F5 on Margera… Starr lands a superkick to Dan, who then comes back with a lariat and then… the lights go out! DONG!

One of the Undertaker’s many themes plays, and out comes Martina holding a can of Guinness like she were Paul Bearer… and we have a new entrant in this match. The FUNDERTAKER! Damian Dunne’s flattened his hair, white-d his face, and he’s gone from looking like Jack Whitehall to a Dead-Man-inspired creature, gaining his power from a Can of Guinness.

What am I watching?!

Suddenly, everyone’s scared of the Fundertaker, as the other three back into corners. Margera and Moloney get caught in a double chokeslam! That leaves Starr fearing for his life, but he punch is caught and he gets taken to the Old School! Throat slit! Tombstone… but Starr kicked out at two! A mouthful of Guinness inspires the Fundertaker into dishing out the Last Ride… and that’s the win. WrestleHouse!

Martina kisses the Fundertaker afterwards – and that snaps him out of it… off come the trunks, and he’s back to being the Anti-Fun Police. Awh, rats!

Kay Lee Ray vs. Candice LeRae
Well, the Darkness’ “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” is now the latest song for British fans to sing along to that I didn’t expect… including the high-pitched parts.

We start out all technical, with plenty of reversals and counters leading to shoulder tackles that sent Kay Lee to the outside. A Carlsberg refreshes Kay Lee, then Candice, but she tries to steal a roll-up and a backslide… all whilst Kay Lee tries not to spill her drink! We get a series of sunset-flip reversals… and not a drop was spilt!

Well, Shay got some thrown at him, before Kay Lee feigned Candice hitting her with the can for a three-way Eddie Guerrero spot, with a fan ending up getting the blame! A tope from Candice saves a fan from being thrown out, but Kay Lee Ray returns the favour as she eventually picks up a two-count.

Candice squirms out of a Gory Bomb and rolls up into an Octopus, then into a La Mistica, then a Gargano Escape. Kay Lee comes back with a short Flatliner into a Koji clutch, but that too is escaped as they roll around in a small package for a load of near-falls, then a load of one-counts as Shay just gave up! They worked back up into a Gory Bomb from Kay Lee for a near-fall, before she’s caught with a reverse ‘rana and finally a Balls-plex from Candice for the win! Pretty brief, but fun while it lasted – so far, this is a show falling firmly in the “fun” bucket! ***

Joe Coffey & Omari vs. Hunter Brothers (Jim Hunter & Lee Hunter)
This was a qualifier for Fight Club: Pro’s upcoming Dream Tag Team Invitational over Easter Bank Holiday… The Hunters’ first match back as a team since Jim recovered from a knee injury sees them go up against the rather makeshift tandem of Joe Coffey and FCP trainee Omari. Here’s a pro tip for telling the Hunters apart, especially right now, Jim has bigger knee pads!

It’s Lee who starts off with Omari, who’s quickly taken into the corner so Jim can make his comeback, grabbing a toe-hold, only for Omari to work back up and take Jim down in a waistlock. They go back and forth, kipping up out of headscissors, before Coffey tagged in and rocked Lee with a shoulder tackle.

Joe slides under as the Hunters take an impressive double single-leg crab, ultimately reaching for the ropes. From there though, it’s Coffey who’s on the back foot, at least until he catches a wheelbarrow attempt and dives Lee a giant swing, until that wheelbarrow roll up completes for a near-fall. Jim takes a giant swing from a front facelock, and Coffey finally tires himself out with a more orthodox giant swing, this time on Lee, leaving the Hunter so dazed he tries to roll-up referee Joel for the win.

A fan counts the pin and Lee thinks he’s won… of course he hasn’t, and he quickly takes a lariat as both men drop to the mat. Jim has a pop at Omari, hitting a Samoan drop and an imploding standing senton, but the rookie comes back with a suplex for a near-fall, before Coffey gives Jim some pendulum backbreakers.

A jawbreaker takes down Omari after he’d been tagged back in… he quickly brings Coffey back in, but Lee hits an enziguiri on the Scotsman before the Hunters’ attempt at a double-team suplex gets reversed. Coffey lays into them both with chops, then splashes, before the double-jump crossbody earns him a near-fall. Omari returns with a leg lariat to Lee in the corner, then a gutwrench suplex, but the Hunters fought back with a sunset flip neckbreaker to Omari for a near-fall.

Some back and forth leads to Joe and Lee clashing with what looked to be a simultaneous shoulder tackle, before Lee takes a German suplex for a near-fall from Coffey. A release fisherman’s suplex follows, but Lee ducks a Black Coffey discus lariat, killing Omari, before leaping into a double superkick from Tipton’s answer to the Young Bucks. A quadruple stomp to a bent-over Coffey follows, and the Tipton Bucks win! It’s always good to see rookies given a chance, and whilst I was surprised that Omari didn’t take the fall, he put in a good shift here, as did all four guys. ***¼

“Irish World of Sport Match”: Mikey Whiplash vs. Jimmy Havoc
This was set-up at All The Best, when Mikey Whiplash was riled at Jimmy Havoc “always resorting to weapons”… so a World-of-Sport-esque rounds match should force Jimmy to wrestle. Or at least, that was the plan. Ahead of the match, ring announcer Matt Taylor Richards took a bribe from Jimmy Havoc to make this an “Irish World of Sport” match – 5 x 3 minute rounds, with two falls to a finish or a knock-out. Inbetween rounds, there’ll be shots of Jack Daniels, and I’m getting flashbacks to that drunken death match with the artist now known as Dean Ambrose…

Round 1: we actually get some wrestling as Whiplash trips Havoc and tries for a grapevine, before switching around into an armbar, then a wristlock to take Jimmy down again. Some headscissors force Whiplash to flip out into a toe-hold, but Havoc then counters that into a headlock. A double shoulder tackle knocks both men down, and that’s the end of the first round. Drinking time!

Just like at the last show, Havoc’s promise of two chairs being used for the between-rounds break comes to fruition, as Whiplash and Havoc drink freely from a bottle of Jack Daniels. No shot glasses here! The crowd then bully Shay into having a drink, but he nearly throws up because he’s too young to drink.

Round 2: Havoc instantly takes down Whiplash with an armbar, but Whiplash rolls through eventually and reverses the hold. Even with Jack Daniels in their systems, they were able to string together some nice sequences, with snapmares rolling through into headlocks, then wristlocks, before Havoc scored a near-fall from a crucifix. Then again from a sunset flip, then a La Magistral. Whiplash rolls ot the outside, and that’s the time over… Bottom’s up!

Is anyone timing these three minutes, out of interest? Whiplash decks Havoc with a punch between the rounds, but there’s still time for booze. Oh, and the surprise addition of this being a no-DQ match, which means that Havoc gets to have another mouthful of JD…

Round 3: Havoc kicks Whiplash below the belt, then hits an Acid Rainmaker to take the 1-0 lead. Round three was quick!

Shay turns face by having a mouthful of Jack Daniels ahead of the next round. Cue “holy shot” chants. He’ll still be feeling this now, I feel.

Round 4: Whiplash runs at Havoc for “kicking him in the dick”, and just gets a drop toe hold into a chair for a near-fall. Havoc wedges a chair between the turnbuckles, then throws Whippy into it as he gets a near-fall… and we almost see too much of Mikey for comfort. That chair gets driven into Whiplash’s ribs repeatedly as Jimmy calls for him to quit… he doesn’t, so those chairs get set up as a crash pad, but Whiplash dismantles it quickly.

A surprise tope from Havoc takes out Whiplash as he went to put the chairs under the ring. Jimmy brings them back, but he swung and missed a chair for the comedy rebound spot, allowing Whiplash to hit a death valley driver as the round came to an end before he could make the cover. So Whippy now needs a KO to win…

In between rounds, Havoc looked to throw up in a fan’s baseball cap, but he was still okay necking down more JD… oh, no he wasn’t. He puked again… and then the fan was bullied into putting the hat back on. WHY?!

Round 5: The round starts with them swearing a lot amidst a forearm battle, ending with a rolling forearm from Havoc, and a rebound lariat from Whiplash. The swear jar is overflowing by now. Whippy calls Havoc a “mark c***”, which Havoc admits to, giving him a low blow, then a chair shot for the win. A clean sweet, and Havoc wins a match that proves that these rounds-style matches can be entertaining! ***

Why would you put a baseball cap on knowing that someone’s been sick in it… especially after that same guy tells you not to?! At least Whiplash only threw up on the floor afterwards, a little too close to comfort for the Internet’s Alan Boon…

Chris Brookes vs. Nixon Newell
The first half of Nixon’s farewell weekend saw her renew a familiar rivalry, and she kicked it off with a crossbody to Brookes on the floor, just as the crowd were preparing to C’est la Vie!

They start on the floor with Nixon laying into Brookes, who then went through the curtain and came back with a bin full of goodies. After taking a couple of topes, Brookes finally used the bin to block his foe, before going diving himself. Eventually they enter the ring, where Nixon gets the bin put on her then kicked off by Brookes, who then went after her with a back senton.

Brookes grabs a chair and starts smashing Nixon’s knee with it. She recovers to hit an enziguiri in the corner, before running into a dropkick as he followed up with his piece de resistance: a wet willie. Nixon replies with a headbutt before giving him a receipt for all those years of wet willies.

Another apron enziguiri follows, as Nixon leaps back in and scores with a satellite DDT. Brookes subtly clears the crowd, then sidesteps as Nixon crashes and burns with a tope into some chairs. Ouch.

Brookes takes two of those chairs and teases giving Nixon a rope-hung DDT off the apron into the chairs, but instead she fights out and replies with a really Shiny Wizard off the apron. They go through the crowd, and eventually onto a platform above the doorway where Newell hits a crossbody onto a pile below.

Nixon then puts Brookes’ head through a folded out chair and hits a knee trembler to his exposed head, but still Chris kicked out in time. She gets another chair from the crowd and looks to piledrive him onto some folded-out chairs, but instead she just gives a reverse leg sweep before Brookes came back instantly with a Michinoku driver through the chairs for another two-count.

Again Brookes heads backstage, and this time returns with a staple gun. Oh God. He’s also got a notepad, but that’s not what’s used, as Nixon ends up getting her own t-shirt stapled to her head. Jesus! She pulls it off, and headbutts Brookes, who then gets some pages of that notepad stapled to him… before a Shining Wizard knocked it off for a two-count. Nixon goes under the ring for a bag full of drawing pins – so many thumbtacks – and you know what’s next… an attempted tornado DDT out of the corner?

No… Brookes escapes and pulls her up, before finally superplexing her into the pins. So much gasping in one spot! Somehow, Nixon kicked out at two after that impact, before recovering to give Brookes a pop-up spinebuster into the pins for another two-count. Some more enziguiris follow in the corner, and a leaping knee gets caught… but she counters it into a Destroyer in the tacks, then a Shining Wizard… but Brookes kicked out again!

With so many drawing pins still sticking in her thigh, Newell runs into a superkick, before Brookes followed in with a swinging rope-hung suplex and another Michinoku driver in the tacks, but again, Newell kicks out! Enraged, Brookes follows up with a Destroyer in the tacks, and that’s all folks! Brutal, but somehow not bloody, and it looks like Nixon’s going out on the receiving end of a load of Destroyers! ***½

After the match, everyone sprung to their feet to applaud Nixon, whose thigh was getting increasingly shinier with those tacks. Chris Brookes took the microphone and gave her a farewell speech, noting how he’d rallied for her to enter the Infinity tournament a few years back, ending with him saying that he was proud of her… but he still hated her.

Pete Dunne, Trent Seven & Tyler Bate vs. Travis Banks, Will Ospreay & Wolfgang
This was a build-up to Travis Banks’ title match tomorrow… but my word, there was a fan really happy to see Tyler Bate and co! Another one wanted to put his baseball cap on Tyler, and yes, it was the one that Jimmy Havoc had vomited into earlier.

The initial posturing gave us a face-down between Travis and Peter, but of course, Dunne chickened out and tagged out to Trent, who cartwheeled over an attempted trip. They exchange some chops, with increasing ferocity, before Trent ducks a springboard roundhouse out of the corner… and we face-off.

Tags take us to Dunne and Wolfgang, but it’s Peter who gets the upper hand as he kicks Wolfgang low when the referee got distracted by… things. The Scotsman comes back with a press slam, but he gets his fingers bitten, before overcoming the pain and hitting a Falcon arrow. Joel Allen has to stop Wolfgang from punching Peter, so we get more tags to take us to Ospreay and Bate.

Will audibly calls it “New Japan versus WWE”, and its WWE that comes out on top initially, before New Japan kips up from a shoulder tackle. Ospreay distracts Bate easily, and grabs a headlock, before the shoulder tackle is repeated, this time with Will standing agog at WWE’s athleticism. An insane sequence follows as both men end with a double backflip off the ropes… and thankfully for Will this time the top rope doesn’t snap as they squared off.

Dunne’s attempt to run in was quickly neutralised by Banks as this broke down into an all-out brawl, featuring Ospreay hitting a wall-running moonsault, or as he called it, “flippy dos”, which just earned him some hard chops from Trent. The camera moved away from the chop battle, before returning to see Pete and Trent working over Travis at ringside.

A t-shirt’s used to choke Banks, as we see Tyler towel whipping Wolfgang… and it’s fair to say that Joel Allen’s doing a horrific job in trying to keep control. Ospreay gets a drop toe hold into a chair, whilst Dunne’s all EVIL on Banks, choking him with a chair, before returning to the ring where Banks gets unsighted by Dunne… as they set-up for an awkward chain of submissions: a knee stomp by Dunne on Banks, who’s also got a chinlock applied at the same time… in the meantime, Ospreay’s got Dunne in an Octopus, whilst Trent wanders in and surveys the scene, eventually just tweaking his moustache before Wolfgang completes the scene with a powerbomb ONTO THE PILE.

JESUS.

We move to a series of avalanches in the corner as Banks ends up taking an airplane spin before Dunne lands a dropkick to a prone head, as Bate finishes off dumping Banks over Seven’s knee with a death valley driver. Dunne bites away at Banks’ ear, and that leads to the Kiwi getting isolated for a spell, featuring him tied up in almost a Lasso from El Paso before Ospreay wandered in to break it up.

Travis mounts a comeback though, knocking the British Strong Style trio down, before pushing Peter away and tagging Wolfgang in. A tiltawhirl backbreaker knocks down Pete, but he pops up with an enziguiri as Wolfie was on the top rope, before a front suplex takes Dunne down for a senton bomb.

Trent pulls on Wolfgang’s beard to save Tyler from a suplex, before Ospreay comes in and flips his way to a Shiranui on Bate, then a DDT on Seven, and finally a standing shooting star press on Tyler for a near-fall. Ospreay countered a Bitter End into a small package, before getting caught in a powerbomb for another near-fall as Banks went back after Dunne with forearms to the face.

Dunne zombie-walks through them and levels Banks, before stacking up Banks and Wolfgang for a single-leg crab. Trent, Tyler and Pete singled out Banks again, peppering him with punches as the Kiwi cowered for safety… before he popped up and laid out the trio, even after taking a Dragon suplex from Trent! Travis goes Coast to Coast on Tyler, then gets biel’d out of the ring as he crashes into some chairs by mistake.

Ospreay leaps off of Wolfgang’s back into a 450 Splash on Tyler, with a moonsault then getting Wolfgang a two-count, only for Will’s follow up to see him slingshot his way into a forearm on the outside. A Rainmaker’s slapped out of by Wolfie, who then takes a Koppo kick from Bate… but Tyler eats a diving knee as the chain reaction intensified! A couple of knees from Will leads to a blocked OsCutter, but he flips out of a lariat as the wackiness continued…

Trent slaps the three good guys in order, then Pete and Tyler take a double reverse ‘rana from Ospreay to finally leave everyone laying! We get the bop/bang spot from the eviltons, who then bite away an attempt at payback, before a triple Pedigree spot ended with will turning Dunne’s Pedigree into a ‘rana for a near-fall. Will ducks another bop/bang as Moustache Mountain levelled each other, with that particular chain ending in Ospreay flipping out of a Tyler Bate German suplex, then swivelling so he could dish out a Space Flying Tiger Drop to the other two outside.

Back inside a flying forearm takes down Bate, as Will goes for the Tiger Drop again, but he gets caught and takes a modified Meltzer Driver (of all things) onto a chair, as Bate flew with a plancha to assist the tombstone. More dives follow from Banks, before Wolfgang lands into the pile with a tope con hilo, as he rushes Dunne back inside for a pop-up powerslam for a near-fall.

Wolfgang tried for a senton onto Dunne, but only ended up taking a piledriver off the middle rope from Trent as the latest series started… from the impact, Trent takes a corkscrew star press from Ospreay, who then took a Tyler Driver. Banks kicks away Tyler, but then gets swatted down with a forearm by Dunne for the win as he’d gone for the springboard enziguiri out of the corner.

Christ, this match was insane. A real spectacle, but one that was perhaps too balls to the wall to really have much lasting effect – there was so much stuff here that after one viewing, not much had really sunk in apart from “it was awesome”… oh, and that Pete had used some brass knuckles on that last forearm. Did he steal them from Uncle Regal?? ****

This was a show high on spectacle and high on moments (as much as that word seems to be derided these days) – and an event that was well worth the £6 on Vimeo. In all of the shows we’ve watched on-demand thus far, Fight Club Pro have yet to have anything even close to an average show, let alone a bad one – which is why their buzz continues to grow on the UK scene.

If there is to be a criticism about this show, it’s that a lot of the card was “wacky for the sake of wacky”. I’m not saying curtail the fun (I’m not Damian Dunne), but at times this show felt more like WrestleHouse than the Strong Style Fight Club: Pro. Neither of those are a bad thing, but I do feel that brand style consistency is key – and perhaps wasn’t on offer in this show.

As the first half of a weekender, this was mostly building up to the “First Female of Fight Club” show that’d end up being even more notable… as we’ll soon see!