A rather sweaty Trinity Centre in Bristol played host to ATTACK!’s latest show, with their latest mystery card providing a helping hand of shocks and surprises!
Anti-Fun Police (Sergeant Banks & Los Federales Santos Jr.) vs. Moustache Mountain (Trent Seven & Tyler Bate)
Poor Warren… instantly made fun out of as Sergeant Banks tossed his cap away, whilst Santos crushed his can of Red Stripe! Shay Purser continued to fanboy out at Moustache Mountain… thinking it’d get him an in with British Strong Style and his best friend Pete Dunne. Good luck with that!
Things break down before they even start wrestling as Banks and Purser corpse at the Anti-Fun Police’s attempt to outlaw water spitting… and at Banks’ comparison of Tyler Bate to Rolf Harris. Too soon Travis, too soon! They instead compromise with a “no fun” water spit, which Banks makes no-fun by spitting the ever-so noxious water in Trent’s face.
When the “bell” goes, we have the Police taken down with dropkicks before Trent struggles with a kip-up. After succeeding, we get our usual dives, ending with a massive plancha from Tyler, causing Sergeant Banks to plea for clemency… and a time-out. When that wasn’t coming, he ended upside down as he was used in game of pass the human parcel that even Shay got involved in as he wanted to impress Pete.
One pratfall later, Shay completes the suplex and is left with that shit-eating grin on his face as he continued to cheerlead. The wackiness returns with some gusto as Trent’s beard powered down Banks until Santos broke it up, and somehow managed to get himself up for an enziguiri after ducking a Seven Star lariat. Don’t call it a Rainmaker!
Sergeant Banks chops Trent for not having any manners, and everyone just corpses. When comedy goes too far and you forget how to no-sell! Santos comes in to drop Banks with a slam onto Trent for a near-fall, before his attempt at suplexing Trent ended up turning into a front suplex and a superkick as Seven kept firing up. Eventually he brings in Tyler who scores with an impressive suspended Exploder suplex, before dropping Santos with a standing shooting star headbutt as a prelude to something even more impressive… a deadlift German! Somehow Santos kicked out, before teasing a dive as everyone else ended up outside… and yes, the big man can fly!
Back inside, a Liger Bomb gets Santos a near-fall as he took Trent out of the corner, but he quickly was left as pray for a Trent Seven chop party! That then gives way to a duel of “freeze!” and “suck it!” – with Shay getting involved again – before things descended into a tit-for-tat melee ending with Bate sending Santos flying courtesy of his new One Inch Punch.
Sergeant Banks tries to fight the power of the moustaches, and fails, as moustache power sent him into Santos in the corner in a cannonball, before a piledriver and Tyler Driver earned Moustache Mountain the win in an absurd opener! ***¼
Charlie Sterling vs. Drew Awesome (Drew Parker) vs. Elijah vs. Jack Sexsmith vs. Omari vs. Ryan Smile
A wacky six-man followed, with a debut for Jack Sexsmith, and a return for Charlie Sterling’s weird shorts.
As you’d expect with these kind of multi-man matches, it was an enjoyable melee early on, with Sexsmith and Omari standing tall before a swift exchange led to a stand-off… ruined by Elijah, who then bulled Omari awkwardly out of the ring. Sterling takes a German suplex after backdropping out of an Awesome bomb, but Elijah comes back to stop the fun… and take a tope con hilo from Smile before Sexsmith flipped off the top into the pile.
The dives continued when Sterling hammed it up before leaping to the top rope… and misses a double axehandle as he’s dropped by way of superkicks. That then gave way to Ryan Smile’s over-the-turnbuckles tope con hilo, before they headed back inside for a parade of big moves, including an LGBDT and an O-Zone. Sterling breaks up a pinfall with a Spiral Tap, like you do, before calling for a standing moonsault… which he takes so long to do that Omari’s rolled well out of the ring, so Sterling crashes and burns. Drew capitalises with an Awesome bomb for a near-fall, as everyone takes turns throwing forearms and chops, before everyone got dropped with a pump kick.
Even Charlie Sterling, as Chris Roberts completed the set!
The melee continues with Elijah wiping out Smile with an enziguiri, only for Sexsmith to put his feet through Elijah with the Big Double Stomp Move. Jack came back with Mr Cocko… which was passed around as everyone blocked it before Sterling declared that he doesn’t use protection, and ended up taking Mr. Cocko instead.
In the end, it came down to Drew and Elijah once again, but once Drew was thrown into the ringpost, he was left prey for a Destroyer from Ryan Smile, as the Smile High Frog Splash earned him the win. A fun melee, plenty of goodness… unless you’re Elijah’s chest, that is! ***
After the match, Sexsmith and the ring crew tended to Drew… who started to freak out and run away from his “stalkers”. Is this the end of Extremely Confused Drew?!
ATTACK! 24/7 Championship: Pete Dunne (c) vs. Will Ospreay
On a mystery show, ATTACK! just throw out two of the best in the world. No big deal. Yeah, Shay Purser was refereeing and marking out like a good one.
This one started slowly as they opted to keep it on the mat… a move that Shay clearly applauded. In return, Ospreay went for a toe hold that produced an audible snap as the temp gradually increased by way of kicks and forearms, before some headscissors took Dunne into the corner.
Shay was gratefully used as a human shield there, then again as he became an unwanted launch pad for Ospreay to send himself into Dunne… before a satellite DDT punctuated some handspring poses. Let’s just say one was more graceful than the other!
From there, Dunne went outside for a sledgehammer, so he could play Paul again, but instead it was Shay who did it, drilling Ospreay after disarming his hero. That disgusted Dunne so much that he took away “Triple Shay”’s hammer, before blasting Ospreay with a forearm back inside to collect a near-fall. Ospreay replied with a handspring into an overhead kick to leave both men down, before returning with a shotgun dropkick a la Shibata into the corner for another two count. Dunne bites away to avoid an OsCutter, but can only watch as Ospreay flipped out of an X-Plex before a triple-moonsault and corkscrew moonsault earned him a near-fall as Will busted out the big guns.
At the second attempt, Dunne lands that X-Plex, turning it into a sit-out powerbomb for a near-fall as the repaired crane camera is put to good use! Ospreay bites back and pounds away on Dunne in the corner… but Peter rises up from the ashes and drops Will with a simple forearm. They exchange reverse ‘ranas to try and one-up the other, before Dunne no-sells a Rainmaker and clobbers Ospreay again!
More back-and-forth ends with an enziguiri from Will, who flips for another clothesline before dumping Dunne with a standing Spanish Fly! Dunne blocks a Cheeky Nando’s once, but falls to it at the second try after they reversed tombstones back and forth, before a Bitter End took Will down for a near-fall. Instantly after the kick-out, Dunne grabs a Kimura, and just like that, Will taps! A surprisingly muted, but really good technical outing from two folks in a place where you’d probably not expect to be paired off… but given politics, perhaps it shouldn’t have been such a surprise? Add this to your “must see” collection! ****¼
ATTACK! Tag Team Championships: Mark Davis & Kyle Fletcher vs. #CCK (Chris Brookes & Kid Lykos) (c)
The Aussies cashed in their title shot, won by beating then-top contenders Bowl-a-Rama at Fun The Police a week earlier… and my word, this was a showcase for Mark Davis if I ever saw one.
Chris Brookes managed to soak the ring again with his water-filled entrance… to the point where the match was delayed for a spell as Chris Roberts, Mark Davis and Kyle Fletcher used t-shirts to dry the plastic ring mat. In the meantime, the crowd got to Lykos something fierce, to the point where his first charge at the challengers led to him slipping on the mat.
When we did get going, #CCK jumped their challengers and started a beat-down, targeting Fletcher after dumping Davis to the floor. Kyle held his own though, making Lykos accidentally give Brookes a Shiranui as Brookes then tried – and failed – to work over Davis’ arm. What did Dunkzilla do? Just punch him out…
Lykos then suffered at the fate of the monstrous Davis, despite his pleas to be put down, he just got manhandled as he was thrown to the floor before being pulled onto the apron for an attempted Dragon suplex… only for the tables to turn as Lykos dropped Davis with a Shiranui on the apron.
#CCK took over with a wheelbarrow facebuster/dropkick combo for a near-fall on Fletcher, who then was dismantled by Brookes, who of course went for a wet willie. Things calmed down as Lykos wore down Fletcher with a chinlock, before Brookes kept up the pressure by wrenching away on Fletcher’s knee with a reversed bow-and-arrow hold.
That all led to Lykos calling for a brainbuster; the first try was met with a forearm from Fletcher, before the second was kneed away as Davis made a hot tag in to clear house on the champs. Poor Lykos ate a tonne of chops in the corner, as did Brookes, before the big Aussie flew to the outside with a tope! Fletcher followed suit, before kicking away a lawn-darted Brookes for a near-fall as tempers began to flare.
Lykos chops away at the Aussies. Yeah, it didn’t go well as he ended up taking a Fidget Spinner (a double-team pumphandle driver) as the match descended into more back-and-forth strikes, until Lykos got annoyed at Fletcher doing his brainbuster gimmick. Another barrage of kicks followed until Lykos ran into a big pop-up powerbomb as Davis dunked the wolf, before a second pop-up was turned into a Destroyer by the high-flying he-wolf.
Lykos keeps up the momentum with a Vertigo 720 DDT to Fletcher, before propelling himself off of Brookes to deliver another to Davis, as Fletcher took his turn to chop away at the champs. A Full Moon from Lykos nearly gets the pin over Fletcher as the champs followed up with an Ink Bomb… but somehow Fletcher kicked out! Davis returned to punch out Lykos as the end looked to be nigh… especially when Davis no-sold some Brookes kicks and powerbomb Lykos onto his own partner!
From there, Davis pulled up Lykos by the ankles and into a piledriver, before throwing him into a Fletcher brainbuster, and then picking up the remnants of the wolf for an Awful Waffle to win the match and the tag titles! These lads are relatively new to the UK scene, but my God they’re making a hell of a mark for themselves. Whether as a team or separately, watch out for Davis and Fletcher as they invade promotions near you. ****¼
Extra Talented (Aaron Solow & Ricky Starks) vs. Mike Bird & Wild Boar
This was a bit of a weird one – Extra Talented didn’t get much of a reaction as they came out and didn’t do much to identify themselves as either good or bad guys to a largely new audience.
Boar’s still got his weird contacts in that make him look like Mr Burns on ether, and he starts by taking Starks into the ropes for a clean break. That gets him a kiss on the lips in response as the pair went back and forth with Boar eventually clubbing Starks out of the ring.
A chop battle started between Starks and Boar, causing a baby to cry, so Starks decides to go for the People’s… trust fall? Whatever works, I guess.
Truth be told, a lot of this felt pretty flat live, and came off at parts almost like a showcase of sorts for Bird and Boar, save for brief glimpses like when Solow rolled up Bird for a double stomp, before a missile dropkick-assisted Downward Spiral and a neckbreaker/Dominator combo put the Americans on top. A vicious powerbomb from Boar got them back into it, but Starks tried to cut that off with a series of chops, following up with a big spear to the boar. Solow spiked Bird with an elevated double-arm DDT before Boar went all suplex-y on Starks… but the Americans almost won it with a superkick-assisted Angel’s Wings, only for Boar to pull out Shay.
That ended up being a turning point as after Boar dumps Starks on the apron with a powerbomb, Solow’s kicked low by Bird before the lungblower/frogsplash combo gets Bird and Boar the win. Technically fine, but this felt just as flat on second viewing as it did live. ***
ATTACK! Championship: Flash Morgan Webster vs. Chief Deputy Dunne (c)
A week after clashing in PROGRESS, they’re back again in the main event in Bristol. Dunne was out with Sergeant Banks and Los Federales Santos Jr as extra muscle (or whatever you want to call it if you want to be unkind!), and we just about see on the crane camera, Banks tossing Warren’s baseball cap to the back of the room, where it remained lodged between some pipes!
Webster starts off hot, dropping Dunne with a Special Brew Flip for an early near-fall, before headbutting away a “false alarm” enziguiri and landing a Brit Pop Drop. It’s all Flash as he took Dunne outside for a dive, then a swing-around-the-post kick… but then it all came to a crashing halt as his lap of honour kick, a la Sami Callihan, was blocked by a superkick and turned into a German suplex that sent Webster several rows deep!
From the wreckage, Dunne pulls Webster back into the ring as Sergeant Banks cheerlead from the floor, but somehow Webster kicked out at two from that brutality. Dunne tries for a rope-hung DDT, but Webster turned it into a tornado DDT instead as he followed up with some knees and a wheelbarrow facebuster to take Dunne into the corner.
Morgan goes airborne again with a tope con hilo into the Anti-Fun Police outside, but he gets nothing but Dunne’s knees from a senton bomb as the champion crushes him with a springboard Codebreaker for a near-fall. Another Hand’s Up Headbutt follows, as Webster comes back with a reverse ‘rana, only to run into a spear as Dunne went for another springboard, but this time had it countered into an implanted DDT.
Back-and-forth forearms ensue, as Dunne knocks down Webster with a no-fun lariat before seeing a suplex turned into a Destino that should have won the match, only for Santos to pull out Roberts and deck him. Banks comes into play too, but gets knocked down as Dunne’s caught in a Strangler until Banks breaks that up.
Dunne accidentally spears Banks and turns around into a spin-out Angel’s Wings, before pulling Banks onto him to cushion the blow from a senton bomb. From there, Dunne uses the megaphone to blast Webster, but by the time Shay comes out to make the count Webster’s able to kick out at two. Shay just watches as Dunne uses a chair on Webster, before a rope-hung DDT onto the chair gets the win. An iffy finish, but at least it played into the heel ref role as well (and hey, we’re not seeing Shay do the frozen arm several times a show, so that’s a huge improvement!) ***¾
After the match, Banks took the title belt and teased dissension after complaining of being used as a human shield. Hell, the crowd roared when he teased unbuttoning the trademark black Anti-Fun shirt, before seeing sense and embracing Dunne. When that turn does come, you’ll be able to hear the roar anywhere, I reckon…
The Neon Wristlock was a show that was good, but really shouldn’t have been a surprise. Save for the Extra Talented match, which just felt flat, rather than bad, this was a good top-to-bottom card with two of the better matches you’ll see this year sandwiched in the middle. As a live experience, ATTACK! never let you down, and are one of those groups that I’d get to more often if it didn’t involve so much bloody travel!
For £6 on Vimeo, this is a worthy show to watch… so just do it!