ATTACK! returned to the Walkabout bar in Cardiff on SummerSlam Sunday for a show that was big on action, especially thanks to a TLC main event!

It looks like Flash Morgan Webster’s doing ring announcing tonight, with a nice touch for newcomers to get them to “ring the bell” for the match. It’s always good to see promotions giving a helping hand to any new fans, rather than assuming everyone knows everything.

ATTACK! Title Tournament – Semi Final: Mike Bird vs. Los Federales Santos Sr.
Bird got to this point in the tournament by beating Zack Sabre Jr. at the RaffleMania 2 show back in July… on the same card, Santos beat Charlie Garrett, then joined the Anti-Fun Police, hence his new name.

We start with a waistlock takedown, but Santos quickly goes to some elevated headscissors, but Bird works free and into an ankle lock. From a leapfrog sequence, Bird rolls through from a hiptoss as they exchange near-falls, before Bird gets attacked from behind as he tries to swipe Chief Deputy Dunne off the apron. That gets a “we want fun” chant from the crowd, before Bird’s thrown to the outside where… you guessed it… Dunne attacks him as the referee’s distracted.

After making his way back to the ring, Bird’s on the defensive for a while before making a comeback with a flying forearm into the corner. He follows up with a knee lift then a flying clothesline for a near-fall, then a spinning backfist and a bridging German suplex for another two-count. Bird looks to go up top, but Santos kips up and catches him with a punch, before finally taking down Bird with a belly-to-belly superplex.

A Yakuza kick rocks Bird, who then takes an Exploder suplex into the corner for a near-fall. From the kick-out, Bird fights back with a headbutt, then drops Santos with a sit-out crucifix powerbomb for the win. Decent opener, without too much interference from the Anti Fun Police either. ***

Chris Ridgeway vs. Danny Jones vs. Drew Parker vs. Panda Cub vs. Brendan White vs. Splits McPins
This is billed as the Club One Hundred six-way… Splits McPins is a masked guy with a bowling gimmick, and this works with the ATTACK! audience. I really hope that one day he uses the ball in a match… These multi-man matches are always a bit tricky to follow, but thankfully they largely kept it as “two in the ring” for the early going.

Drew Parker charged into Brendan White with some knees early on, before Panda Cub ended up taking an awkward bump from a rope rebound. A standing imploding senton finally answered the question “is he just Morgan Webster in disguise?” (answer: no, because they were both in the same room together!)

Ridgeway and Jones worked briefly, featuring a roll-through into a kick by Jones, and then a missile dropkick to take down “Smashmouth”. Splits rolls in (because of course he does), and takes down Jones with a back elbow… and then a rolling thunder! God, I love this gimmick already! McPins works some headscissors, before Panda Cub comes in to add to it… then Drew Parker, and it’s like the Human Centipede in headscissor form. Brendan White then wanders in and turns over the whole chain into a Boston crab, before Ridgeway kicks him off and breaks up the Human Centipede.

Ridgeway throws everyone out and connects with some PKs from the apron, before McPins splits away from a tope as Ridgeway crashed and burned into the barricades. A corkscrew plancha from Jones wipes out Ridgeway and McPins, before Panda Cub added to it with a tope con hilo, and then Drew Parker shoves down the referee to use as a platform for a plancha!

Back in the ring, we finally got the bowling ball spot, as McPins took his ball and rolled it into the crotches of Jones, Panda, Parker… but Ridgeway was saved as Brendan White came in. Nevermind, White got put in the tree of woe above Ridgeway, as he took a bowling ball to the head, before dropping head first into Chris’ Ridgeways.

The match went a little spotty for a while, as everyone hit their main moves, with Parker spiking Ridgeway with a ‘rana before a double stomp got him the win. A fun six-way – not too spotty to ruin things, and the debuting McPins looks to be a good CHIKARA-esque comedy act for the meantime. ***¼

Pete Dunne vs. El Ligero
…because ATTACK! had gone six months without booking Ligero, so this keeps their British wrestling license fresh. In my mind, anyway!

Dunne attacks Ligero before the crowd could do their bell, and he immediately wrings the arm of the luchador. A low dropkick gets Ligero a near-fall, before a ‘rana takes Dunne to the outside… but not for a dive, as Dunne runs in to clothesline the masked man. Dunne accidentally chops the ring post as Ligero ducks on the outside, before he goes up to the sound booth… and takes down Dunne with a senton! That looked cool!

Ligero handed over a caught kick from Dunne to the referee, then used the distraction for a leg sweep, before a standing moonsault gets a pin. From the referee. As in “Ligero shoved the referee onto Dunne and counted the pin himself”, to mark the second time Shay “The Ref” Purser pinned Dunne (the earlier being at their WrestleMania weekend show, where Shay won the ATTACK! 24/7 title).

The match continued, obviously, with Ligero getting trapped in the ring apron as a baseball slide went wrong, leaving him with nowhere to go as Dunne kneed him in the face. A draping DDT off the middle rope gets a near-fall, and then it was time for some snacking. Well, it would have been had Ligero not moved his hand away… so instead, Dunne bites his feet.

Dunne keeps on top of Ligero with a rear chinlock, before Ligero fights out of it and baits Dunne into a striking battle. A lariat flips Dunne inside out, before a wheelbarrow facebuster gets Ligero a near-fall. After aborting a Mexican Wave, Ligero gets flattened with a big boot in the corner, but is able to turn a Drop Dead into a tornado DDT.

Regardless, Dunne came back and scored a near-fall from a sit-out powerbomb, before pushing away an Ace crusher from Ligero and countering a leap over into a tombstone for another two-count. Dunne responds to that kick-out by deadlifting the Mexican Sensation off his feet and into a Drop Dead, but that’s countered into a small package for another near-fall.

A Ligero superkick rocks Dunne, before a tornado DDT takes both men to the mat. Ligero looked to shoulder charge his way back into the ring, but Dunne grabbed the fingers… only for Ligero to get his own back and nibble on the Bruiserweight’s hand. Another slingshot Ace crusher is followed up by a reverse ‘rana, then the Mexican Wave splash, but Dunne kicked out at two to keep the match alive. More superkicks rock Dunne, but he countered another Ace crusher with a forearm smash, before he makes Ligero Drop Dead for the win. Ligero was left laying in the middle of the ring after that great encounter, as the crowd chanted “Shay Still Beat You” at the victorious Dunne. ***¾

Dunne took the microphone from Morgan Webster after the match, and addressed what happened at the Walkabout last time. Namely, being humiliated by the referee. Shay the Ref’s challenged to a fight, and he slaps Dunne in the face. Twice. So Dunne slaps him back and he sinks like a sack of potatoes, before Jim Lee returned to get revenge. Lee used to be a ring announcer, until he was attacked by Dunne on an earlier show. Jim declares himself as back in ATTACK!, and Morgan Webster is out of a gig *sad face*

ATTACK! Title Tournament – Semi Final: Wild Boar vs. Eddie Dennis
These two won their first round matches at ATTACK!’s “Press Start 4” event, where Wild Boar (cosplaying as Blanka from StreetFighter 2) beat “Solid Snake” Travis Banks, whilst Eddie Dennis (as Halo’s Master Chief) beat Tyler “Duke Nukem” Bate.

Boar knocks Dennis off the apron as he made an entrance, before a tope through the bottom rope sent Eddie back towards the entranceway. They fight around the ringside area, with Dennis having little luck as he throws Boar back into the ring, and he’s met with another elbow suicida.

They finally go into the ring as the match starts, where Dennis managed to catch the Boar and dump him with a swinging side slam for just a two-count. The Boar gets chopped, then gets Irish whipped into the corner, before he powers out and takes down Dennis with almost a spear-like tackle.

Just a thought here, a lot of this match was shown via a hard camera… which was in perfect focus and didn’t get blurry as the show progressed. Funny that!

Dennis gets taken into the corner for some back elbows, and biting, as the Boar took over here. A log roll from the Boar trips Dennis as he tried to make some sort of a comeback, but the big guy popped up and booted the Boar as he went to the top rope. That went badly for the Boar as a superplex took him to the mat.

The pair exchanged shots, before Dennis’ forearm/chop combos led to a diving clothesline that took the Boar out of the ring. A flip dive from Dennis takes down his opponent, before the two go into the crowd, where some fans hold Boar in place for some chops. Undeterred, Boar fought free and leapt off of a Kraken rum advert onto Dennis, before they resumed brawling in the crowd. By this point, I’m thinking this has to be a no-DQ match…

Dennis took a package piledriver near the bar, and to their credit, it was sold like he was killed by it. The crowd chanted “do your job Shay”, in lieu of any actions over it, before Boar went for a wander through the crowd and back into the ring. Finally the referee started a count-out, just as Dennis started to stir… he beat the count, but went straight into a sit-out tombstone from the Boar.

Dennis kicked out at two though, so Boar went for a second Trapper Keeper (package piledriver), but Dennis flipped out and got a backslide for a near-fall. They went for a crucifix powerbomb, but Dennis lost the Boar as they crashed into the ropes… angered, Dennis ran at Boar and into a pop-up powerbomb, before taking a back senton in the corner.

Out of nowhere, Boar hit Dennis with his own Next Stop Driver finisher, but that only got him a near-fall. Boar went up to the top and slipped as he went for a body splash, which met Dennis’ knees and got a roll-up for another two-count. They traded slaps back and forth, before Dennis shocked Boar with a Next Stop Driver… but that only got a two-count! Dennis tries to go to the top, but as Boar tries to stop him, Dennis cuts him off and plants him with a Next Stop Driver off the middle rope for the win. An absolutely brutal affair, which sees Dennis face Mike Bird in the tournament final down the road. This was a hard-hitting affair, with only the dead time in the middle of the match (from the package piledriver on the floor) dampening it for me. A definite must-watch! ****¼

After the match, the two hugged it out… only for Boar to low blow Dennis to leave him laying in the ring.

The strains of Tugboat’s old WWF theme welcomed our next match: and my worst nightmare when it comes to writing these reviews… the Brothers of Construction – aka the Hunter Brothers. They’re out to address a serious problem with the microphone, but wouldn’t you know it, once they threatened to smash it with a sledgehammer, it started to work again!

The crowd chanted “cowboy builders” as they billed Jim Lee (the ring announcer) for the repair job, and it’s time for some fun. Of course it isn’t… the Anti-Fun Police – Chief Deputy (Damien) Dunne and Officer (Travis) Banks come out to spoil the party. Referee Shay shaking his head in the background as Officer Banks declared that there’d be no fun was marvelous.

The Brothers of Construction (Jim Construction & Lee Construction) vs. The Anti-Fun Police (Chief Deputy Dunne & Officer Banks)
Banks and Dunne jump the Brothers, and a low blow from Banks to Jim ends up with Officer Banks making a cover… and he wins the 24:7 title!

Before Banks can be announced as the new champion, Ryan Smile comes out, and throws a chair to both of the Anti-Fun Police. Smile ducks a blow from Banks and knocks him loopy, before low bridging him to the outside, before grabbing a mic and challenges the Anti-Fun Police to a match. Which we get:

Lee Construction & Ryan Smile vs. The Anti-Fun Police (Chief Deputy Dunne & Officer Banks)
The impromptu match starts with Smile cartwheeling over Banks, before a series of leapfrogs ends with a leg lariat.

Smile slingshots Lee into the ring for a big splash on Banks, before Smile shoves the two members of the AFP into each other. That leads to the old Dudley Boyz “whassup” headbutt spot, Lee wearing a hard hat on the way down.

Chief Deputy Dunne tags in and wears down Lee with some punches to the midsection. The heels take over for a spell, repeatedly cutting off Lee from making a tag out, before a double-team clothesline took both men down.

Finally Smile gets the tag in, but he and Banks butt heads and they both go down. Briefly. Smile launches into Banks with elbows in the corner, then tosses him outside. We finally get a diving clothesline through the ropes to Dunne and Banks, but they come back with a dropkick before Lee Construction takes them both out with a missile dropkick.

A springboard back elbow from Lee drops Dunne, but the Chief Deputy comes back with a springboard Codebreaker, only to turn around into a Blue Thunder Bomb-meets-Lumbar Check from Smile. Officer Banks turns Smile inside out with a lariat, before getting superkicked by Lee, and then accidentally speared by Dunne.

That happens just in time for Ryan Smile to pop back to his feet, as he dives across the ring post with a tope con hilo. Back inside, a Pedigree from Lee Construction takes down Banks, before a frog splash earns Smile the win… and he takes the 24/7 title from Banks as well! A fun car-crash of a match, but to me it felt like it was a bit *too* all over the place. **¾

Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match for the ATTACK! Tag Team Championship: #CCK (Chris Brookes & Kid Lykos) vs. Bayside High (Mark Andrews & Nixon Newell) (c)
The champions come out to Republica’s “Ready To Go”, which brings back memories of watching football matches at the Stadium of Light. Usually losses…

Brookes opened the match by stiffing Newell with a punch, and with this being a TLC match, all four participants ended up involved all the time. Newell and Andrews hit a pair of stereo dives, before duelling planchas took down #CCK on the floor. Brookes accidentally dropkicked a ladder into Lykos, before Bayside High pulled the ladder into him.

Lykos wore down Andrews on the outside of the ring, and the pair fought through to the bar, where Lykos had a mouthful of beer spat at him, before Newell rammed Brookes’ head into the bar. She takes a mouthful of a fan’s drink (and apologises too, bless her) and sprays the taller Brookes with it, before being thrown onto a table.

They eventually re-emerge, as Newell and Brookes enter the ring. A rana from Newell’s followed up as she wraps up the “Calamari Catch King” in an Octopus hold, which he breaks via a sidewalk slam. Andrews returns and drops Brookes with a wheelbarrow bulldog, before bringing a ladder into the ring. Lykos grabs the ladder as it’s in the ropes and catches Andrews in the head with it… and thankfully Mark doesn’t do a Joey Mercury!

Lykos sets up the ladder in the ring – which for once, isn’t a crappy BritWres ladder – and everyone takes it in turns to climb and gets knocked off the ladder. An attempt by Lykos to throw a ladder at Newell fails as she ducks, and the ladder just bounces into him… but she ends up getting a death valley driver onto the ladder anyway in the corner. Yep, that had to suck.

Andrews tries to fight back with chops to Brooks, but he gets a chair to the midsection, followed by a hanging neckbreaker onto a folded-out chair. Brookes drills the ladder into Andrews, who tries to mount another comeback, before he’s aided by a crossbody from a recovered Newell. She bounces between both of #CCK in the corners, before dropping Lykos with a Molly Go Round… only for Brookes to rush in with a whiplash (rope-hung neckbreaker).

With Newell out of the picture again, Andrews was again targeted, but he again tried to overcome the disadvantage, with a pop-up rana sending Lykos flying off the top rope and through a folded chair. Yep, that didn’t look good.

Being the only man left on his feet, Brookes dragged out a ladder and a table, setting the latter up between the ring and a handily-placed guard rail. Newell got back up to cut-off Brookes though, and eventually dropped him with a Welsh Destroyer before superkicking Lykos for an assisted German suplex.

A Shining Wizard from Newell took down Brookes, which gave the champions the opening to grab a second table from under the ring. They prop it against the corner, but Lykos avoids being sent through it… Referee Shay helps Newell set-up the table – propping it between a chair and the middle rope – but Lykos stops Newell from delivering a top rope ‘rana through the table; instead, setting her up for a powerbomb through it. I seem to be saying “that looked like it sucked” a lot during this match!

As Newell was again wiped out, Andrews and Lykos traded shots, which ended up with the masked Lykos on the apron and knocked onto the table from earlier. Mark Andrews, faced with the choice of grabbing the title belts or diving onto Lykos, chose to follow babyface logic and wiped out the masked wolf with a senton bomb off the top rope. Fortunately, Nixon Newell arose again to stop Brookes from a clean run at the belts, but her slap only angered him into kicking her knees out, as he raced up the ladder to grab the belts.

A somewhat anticlimactic finish, but a good ending as the heels seized their opportunity to win what I think is one of the first ladder matches in British wrestling that didn’t feature crap ladders or tables that broke when someone breathed on them! ***½

As usual, a fantastic show from ATTACK!, with the confines of the Walkabout in Cardiff only adding to the atmosphere. I’ve yet to see a bad show from this group, and if you’re not able to get to one of their shows, you should at least sample one of them on Vimeo… especially this one!