ATTACK! Pro Wrestling headed to Cheltenham last weekend for one of those “it does what it says on the tin” shows, featuring wrestling and music.
ATTACK! provided the wrestling, whilst the music came in the form of Mark Andrews’ band Junior – and with your £4.50 video-on-demand purchase giving you a mixture of four matches and some music, it’s surely a can’t miss purchase, right?
The show started with Junior performing a version of the ATTACK! Jingle, which bled into the arrival of ring announcer Jim Lee. This show was held in an extremely intimate setting, leaving precious little room for a crowd between the stage and the ring.
ATTACK! Tag Team Championship: Bowl-A-Rama (Splits McPins & Lloyd Katt) vs. #CCK (Chris Brookes & Kid Lykos) (c)
Splits started in against Brookes, and after what felt like a lifetime of them circling each other, Brookes went to work with an arm wringer which was quickly reversed back and forth. McPins flips out and grabs a more conventional wristlock, before Brookes got out and dropped a leg on McPins’ arm.
Lykos tagged in and worked over McPins, only for a dropkick to send the Wolf of ATTACK! into the corner for a back elbow. McPins rolls a little too soon, but connected with the Rolling Thunder for a near-fall before we got the debut Lloyd Katt, who caught a cross body and slammed Lykos with ease. Lykos tried to bow to the Fat Cat, and ended up kissing the socked-and-sandalled feet of his opponent… only to try and cheapshot him. That came to nought, as Katt landed a clothesline, before Brookes came in and took away Katt’s glasses. Except he didn’t really need them… which led to a comedic exchange as he took shots from the tag champions.
Brookes dumped Lykos onto Katt with a full nelson bomb for a near-fall. McPins tagged in and wrung the arm of Lykos, before he and Katt worked back and forth on that arm, ending with a bowling ball shot from the top rope to the wolf’s arm. Another uppercut in the corner drops Lykos to the mat, allowing Katt to follow in with a bowling ball to the groin… which would have worked, had Katt not lost the ball and threw it up in the air whilst winding his arm up.
Instead, Brookes took the lone ball and smashed it into the bowlers, before almost snatching a win over McPins as the heels took over. Lykos tried to rip at the mask of McPins, before bringing Brookes back in, as he went for a wet willie… which again didn’t work because Splits’ mask didn’t have ear holes. So he just forcibly took a finger of Brookes’ spit instead. Lloyd Katt followed in with a wet willie to Brookes, before Lykos ran in and bashed Katt with a baking tray to little effect. What did have an effect, though, was referee Shay Purser grabbing the tray and smashing it into Lykos, then Brookes… and then accidentally Splits.
Brookes returned to dropkick Katt off the apron, before #CCK isolated McPins in the ring. Splits and Lykos traded boo/yay punches, before Lykos connected with a brainbuster. More tags led to Katt demanding a breather so he could get in the ring safely – something that Brookes actually stuck to. In the end, Lloyd didn’t need to be attacked, as he tripped on the ropes whilst climbing in. His response was to grab a cigar, which Brookes snatched from his mouth and stamped on, prompting Lloyd to Katt-up. A series of clotheslines dropped Brookes and sent him into the corner for an avalanche, before Lykos’ attempt at interference earned him a powerslam. Brookes took a wheelbarrow suplex for good measure, before McPins bowled a ball into his back as Brookes sat on the apron.
Lykos leapt in with a hip attack to cut off a dive from McPins, before his dive was stopped by the towering Katt, who instead turfed Lykos to the outside. The crowd chanted for Katt to “do a flip”, and by God he did, launching himself to the floor with a plancha. I certainly wasn’t expecting THAT!
Back inside, McPins wound up for another uppercut in the corner to Lykos, but a spear cut him off before a tornado DDT and a kick to the head earned the champions a near-fall, thanks to interference from Katt. Splits had to fight off the champions some more, but found a backslide turned into a Gory stretch, before a slingshot from Lykos was turned into a Blockbuster-like neckbreaker for another near-fall.
McPins continued to fight off the heels, before drilling Brooks with a superkick, and Lykos with a spike flatliner. An enziguiri out of the corner from Brookes stunned McPins for long enough to take a reverse ‘rana from Lykos, as the heels retained with their assisted swinging neckbreaker finish. A fun as hell opening match, with McPins and Katt impressing the hell out of me in their first featured slot. ***¾
Brendan White vs. Chuck Mambo vs. Mike Bird vs. Danny Jones
This was a standard four-way, with Mambo making his debut in this promotion (albeit without his more traditional theme song of “Rub-a-Dub”). He and Jones looked to lead a dance-off, but got slapped by Bird and White, before Bird turned on the “Bronco” and took him down with a dropkick. Jones cut off Bird with a series of right hands, before leaping over Bird and scoring a roll-up, eventually kicking the “Ginger Jesus” in the head. Mambo came in to bump for some whistles, and then took down Jones into a surfboard, before Mambo released the hold to slap White off the apron.
Mambo went after Jones again, tripping him after an Irish whip into the ropes for a more literal surfboard, before Bird too took a trip and was used as a surfboard. White stopped the fun and games before dropping Bird and Jones with a backbreaker. An ushigoroshi (of all moves!) sent Mambo’s headband flying, before Bird gives White a German suplex to assist his overhead belly-to-belly on Jones.
Taking advantage, Mambo slingshotted into the ring for a Meteora on Bird, before Danny Jones hit a tornillo on White. Mambo came back with a somersault senton onto White and Jones, before the Bird flew with a tope. A second tope from Bird was cut-off by a Bossman slam from White, as Mambo kept up the action with a Blockbuster and a superkick to White.
Mambo sent White to the outside with a Slingblade, before Jones tripped up the sufer and landed a sit-out pumphandle facebuster. Bird landed a trio of slaps to his opponents, piling them up in the corner, before dumping Jones with a Fireman’s carry gutbuster. It would be Bird who’d get the win in the end though, courtesy of a pumphandle driver on White, ending a fun-but-chaotic four-way. ***½
Wild Boar vs. Drew Parker
Today Matthew, “Extremely Confused” Drew came in the form of the Human Drew-plex Machine… with a swimming cap on his head to mimic Taz(z)’s bald head. I love this gimmick!
Parker stood in the ring cross armed, much like Taz used to, but it was he who took a shoulder charge into the corner, before popping up from a T-bone suplex. The Boar turned around into the path of T-bone suplex, then a series of clotheslines, before a fly swatter took the Boar down.
Parker goes for the Tazmission, but gets rammed into the turnbuckle to break it up, before a uranage saw the Boar drill Parker with such force, he grew hair! Boar choked over Parker in the ropes, before Drew started to no-sell a bunch of chops, and revert to his Taz form. After blocking three Irish whips, Boar just decked Parker, before taking a Northern Lights suplex for a near-fall.
Boar flapjacked Parker out of the corner, before a back senton earned him a near-fall. A pop-up powerbomb saw Parker fight back to his feet, then slump back to the mat, but he avoided a second pop-up and grabbed Boar in a Tazmission. An enziguiri and a leg lariat kept the Boar down after he’d shrugged off the submission, before a German suplex and another Tazmission was broken up as the Boar took a bump onto his back.
Parker caught Boar on the top rope and took him down with a belly-to-belly superplex for a near-fall, before going back to the Tazmission yet again. Which Boar broke up yet again. A shoulder charge and a leaping cannonball came next, as Parker quickly fell to defeat courtesy of the Trapper Keeper package piledriver. This was as good a match as you could have had within the confines of the gimmick, as Parker shouldn’t really be winning whilst he’s confused/cosplaying. ***
Mark Andrews is out in his gear next as Junior start playing “A House That’s Not Quite Home” – best known as Mark’s ring music in TNA and just about everywhere. I need to listen to more Junior, as they played several more songs, until they were interrupted by Chief Deputy Dunne of the Anti Fun Police.
Dunne mockingly asks the crowd if they enjoyed Junior, before ordering the band away unless they wanted to get hurt. A cake had been wheeled out for Jim Lee’s birthday, but Dunne wanted rid of the cake – because it was too much fun. Lee blew out the candle, which prompted the Chief Deputy of the Anti-Fun Police to rush the ring… only for Mark Andrews to make the save.
Pete Dunne snuck out and attacked Andrews from behind, as we had a two-on-one beatdown… until Andrews was saved by Eddie Dennis, bringing us our main event!
Chief Deputy (Damian) Dunne & Pete Dunne vs. FSU (Mark Andrews & Eddie Dennis)
Dennis dropped the Dunnes with forearms and chops, before Pete held him in place for for another forearm. Eddie switched a double-team suplex into a double suplex as the Dunnes went down.
The match went outside as Pete hit a plancha onto Eddie, before Chief Deputy Dunne accidentally flew into his former storyline brother. What followed next was a pair of tope con hilos as FSU flew into the already tight crowd. Pete accidentally chopped the ring post as the fight stayed on the outside, relying on the wonder of a camera zoom to bring us all four men fighting towards the bar. Pete and Mark eventually brought us back to the ring, and the match actually got underway! Pete lifted up Mark and dropped him before snapping back on the arm. Damian tagged in and took a forearm from Andrews, who then dropped a leg over the arm as Eddie Dennis tagged into the match.
Damian was helpless as an armwringer held him in place for a double axehandle from Andrews… before Dennis’ attempt at replicating the spot saw him just level Damian with a forearm. A leaping kneedrop gets Dennis a two-count, before the Dunnes work back into the match, with Pete biting away at Mark’s arm after a teased axehandle. Andrews laps over a charging Pete and makes a comeback with armdrags, before delivering a back elbow and a flying ‘rana to the “Bruiserweight”.
The Dunnes come use a referee distraction to allow Damian to dump Andrews on the apron with a back suplex. This led to Andrews being isolated in the ring as Pete set him up for some joint manipulation, and finally a finger snap. Pete cowered away from Eddie Dennis after a kick-out from Andrews sent him into the corner.
Damian tagged in and stood on Andrews’ throat, as more distraction caused by Damian baiting Eddie into the ring led to yet more sneak attacks on the outside. Andrews turned a suplex into a double Stundog Millionaire, dropping both Dunnes with a stunner on the way down, before finally tagging in Dennis.
Eddie’s hot tag was briefly quenched, before Damian took an inverted atomic drop, whilst Pete fell to a diving clothesline. “That thing that keeps happening” happened, as Dennis hit the Samoan drop/Fallaway slam onto the Dunnes, with Damian in particular having a nasty landing. Damian recovered to land an enziguiri on the apron, before Dennis hit back with a superplex. Andrews tagged back in and landed a wheelbarrow bulldog on Pete, then a double knee strike in the corner, before the rolling Northern Lights led to a standing moonsault – with the resulting cover only broken up by Damian at the last minute.
Andrews followed that up with a slick combination, slinghotting into the ring to give PEte a wheelbarrow facebuster, before rolling through into a DDT on Damian. Pete responded with a slap, before he took a tiltawhirl DDT for a near-fall. Damian hit a spear after Andrews missed a shooting star press, but the tide turned once more when Damian took a crucifix powerbomb onto Pete.
The back and forth continued as Pete dropped Eddie with a release suplex, before Andrews slipped out of a Drop Dead and hit a reverse ‘rana. All four men ended in the ring to trade shots back and forth, before we had a four-way finger biting spot that referee Shay struggled to break up. FSU followed up with double superkicks, before getting immediate receipts, as Shay then got wiped out with superkicks from the Dunnes.
More superkicks followed, as Andrews took out Pete with a plancha, before a Next Stop Driver got Dennis a visual pin over Damian Dunne… all the way up to an eleven count. Pete hit the ring to kick both of FSU low, and then went outside to bite on a fan’s hand?! Dunne returned with a baseball bat, targetting Andrews, who was then saved by Junior’s drummer Si… who then went to bite Pete’s fingers. Junior’s other member, Matt, tossed a cake into Pete’s face, before going to revive the referee as Pete took the Next Stop Driver onto the cake for the win. An entertaining, if overbooked, main event – but you had to expect Junior run ins on a show they co-headlined! ***¾
The show ended with more music from Junior, with their last single “Fall To Pieces” closing the set.
As a co-promotion, this was a calculated risk, but one that worked. ATTACK! can pretty much be considered one of Mark Andrews’ home promotions, but moving away from their usual venues to a pub was a bit of a gamble. If you were a fan of Junior and ATTACK!, then you got your money’s worth – and even if you weren’t, the wrestling was good and the music didn’t overwhelm the show.
If you’re looking to purchase this on-demand, you’re looking at paying around £1 per match, which isn’t too bad – but it may well be a show you’d look to skip in terms of a show that had any bigger place in the grand scheme of things.