ATTACK! returned to the Walkabout in Cardiff for their regular big show – one that would end with huge shock.
The show opened with our first surprise, since usual guest host Eddie Dennis was over in New Orleans, we had a replacement: Corporate Kid Lykos, who was super thrilled with his Hall of Fame-ish entrance, but he was told to shut up and bugger off onto commentary, alongside Matt Richards, who’s popping up every-bloody-where.
ATTACK! Tag Team Championship: Team WhiteWolf (A-Kid & Adam Chase) vs. Bowl-a-Rama (Splits McPins & Lloyd Katt) (c)
This’ll be our only title match of the show, since Flash Morgan Webster and Pete Dunne were otherwise occupied in New Orleans…
It’s an ATTACK! debut for Team WhiteWolf, and they’re thrust straight into a title match… but it’s A-Kid on the back foot early on as Splits took him down with a shoulder tackle, before Splits rolled away from a standing moonsault as Kid kept the action at a fast clip. A senton off the top from Splits took A-Kid down, as Katt and Chase tagged in, where the pace slowed down just a little as Katt was made to keep up as Chase took him down with a leg lariat.
Katt uses his power to catch a crossbody and turn it into a fallaway slam, before the Spaniards were met with double hiptosses for a near-fall. Team WhiteWolf quickly come back with a crossbody from A-Kid to McPins, who they tried to wear down for a pin. A kick to the back from Chase gets followed up with a suplex from A-Kid, who riled up Katt… but to little effect as they double-teamed Splits for a little while longer.
Finally Splits gets the tag out as Katt comes in to score some slams… before finally remembering to do the pose. Oh, and a pair of topes to boot! Kid comes back in with a Golden Triangle moonsault to Katt everyone on the floor. Back inside, Katt’s in with a Bubba Bomb to Kid, before Bowl-a-Rama looked for More Bowl For Your Buck… but the Spaniards cut it off, and crotched Katt in the ropes, before Splits countered a superplex into an awkward Tower of Doom!
All four men trade shots in the middle of the ring as they sensed the end was nigh, but Splits redirects a superkick as Splits killed Kid with a Blackheart buster! Second time was the charm for More Bowl For Your Buck, but the cover’s broken up, and the Spaniards are quickly back in with a knee-assisted German suplex for a near-fall on Splits. Bowl-a-Rama again went for More Bowl For Your Buck, but Katt’s moonsault misses, as Splits gets caught up top with a Spanish Fly… and we have new champions! I was not seeing that one coming, but save for a few vocal fans, it seemed to be a result didn’t sit too well. A frantic, breathless match to get us going, and it left us with a shocker. Champions on day one… where next for Team WhiteWolf? ***½
Chuck Mambo vs. Danny Jones vs. Chris Ridgeway vs. Beano vs. TK Cooper vs. Jack Sexsmith
From that, to a six-way, which had a nice reaction for Beano (along with dancing Lykos on commentary, yes we saw you!)… and the surprise inclusion of Jack Sexsmith, whose involvement on the PROGRESS and WWE shows over the weekend was curtailed due to reasons that haven’t been made public.
TK started the match by decking Jack Sexsmith, before shrugging off a quartet of beach balls. Superkicks were more effective, as Mambo got going with some charges into Ridgeway in the corner, following up with a Blockbuster for good measure as we played Revolving Door Wrestles!
Danny Jones took Mambo into the corner with a dropkick, before nailing a rolling elbow and a back cracker… right as Beano came into the frame. Those two had a neat sequence, ending with a superkick and a neckbreaker, but TK’s in against Beano next, with a moonsault sailing over Beano before a Cobra Clutch Slam took down the Newport native. There’s duelling circle games, which means they botch punch each other, and we’re all out!
Except Sexsmith and Ridgeway return, with the latter wrestling despite a perforated ear drum, as he tried to make Sexsmith submit… but Mambo’s in with chops to try and break it up, only for Ridgeway to nail him with a German suplex while he had Sexsmith tied up. Nice! Sexsmith gets free and hits a running knee, before taking out Ridgeway and Jones with a Pearl Neckbreaker and LGBDT at the same time.
Beano blocks a pair of Sliced Breads as the trio dumps Sexsmith awkwardly to the outside, as Mambo and TK barely broke his fall. A series of kicks send everyone to the outside, where Mambo tries to capitalise with a stomp off the apron to Ridgeway, before nailing a springboard Meteora to Beano off the commentary table! A somersault senton to the floor followed next as Mambo went mental, only to get caught with a superplex into the pile as nobody was holding back.
We’re back to the Revolving Door as Beano tried to finish off Jones with a rope-hung uranage, but Sexsmith comes in for some Sliced Bread… before Ridgeway’s snap Dragon suplex left Jack down and out. A hook kick from Ridgeway just awakens the Samoan in TK, as a headbutt and a Blue Thunder Gutbuster left everyone laying.
Beano dances his way out of some attacks before unloading with running knees into the corners, ahead of a spinebuster to Sexsmith that almost wins the match. Jones impressively bridges out of a cover from TK and floats over into a piledriver, but Ridgeway broke that up before booting Jones in the chest, as a BDSM from Sexsmith and a crossbody from Mambo got the win – with Jack choosing to clear the ring rather than break up the cover. An impressive win for Mambo, and a hell of a showing from all six men in this. Well worth the watch, even if you’re not a fan of these scrambles. ***¼
Sierra Loxton vs. Millie McKenzie
Oh boy, their last outing a few weeks earlier was intense as all hell, even if it was a little move-spammy… this ought to be good.
They keep things on the mat early, with Millie scoring a headlock takedown, before she easily headstanded her way out of a reversal, as the pair decided to throw away the technical stuff and just chop their way ahead.
Millie teases a German suplex, but Loxton swipes her away, before a hip attack sees her get wedged into the ropes, leaving her open for Millie to dropkick her away. We’ve an aborted dive as Loxton hits a hip attack to keep Millie outside, before she decided to work over McKenzie on the mat. After all, if you can’t stand, you can’t do a German suplex!
Garvin-like stomps follow around McKenzie’s body, before a Fisherman’s suplex from Loxton drew a near-fall. As did a massive forearm that almost gave Millie whiplash… good LORD! Millie sought solace in the corner, but she’s able to charge out with a spear as Loxton was sizing up for another hip attack, before firing up with a series of forearms as the two slugged it out like they were on an ice hockey rink.
Finally Millie’s breaking out those Germans, and shrugs off one from Sierra before throwing some more… but somehow it barely drew a one count! Loxton’s back in with a half-nelson suplex, before a spin-out facebuster drew a near-fall. Out of nowhere though, Millie lands a cutter, then heads up top… where she’s caught with a gamengiri… before deciding to spear Millie as she leapt off the top. That was brutal!
Loxton took too long to make the cover and has to make do with a near-fall before finally uncorking those hip attacks in the corner, absolutely brutalising Millie with a corner-to-corner attack before looking for one more… but McKenzie ducks and turns it into a roll-up, before kicking Sierra. A Destroyer attempt’s avoided as that diving hip attack connects, before the spin-out facebuster gets Loxton the win. My WORD. I don’t care how much experience you have, but if you bring the intensity like this and make your match look – and feel – real, you’ll always have me onside as a fan. Glorious stuff as we set up for the inevitable rubber match! ***¾
Mike Bird vs. Wild Boar
It’s a little weird to me that the first match in this feud between former tag partners has been pushed into the midcard, but “first half main events” and all that…
They burst out of the gates as Bird and Boar slugged it out at the bell, but it’s Boar who tried to get first blood, sidestepping a charge into the corner before dumping Bird on the mat for a back senton. An Irish whip sent Bird sailing to the floor, where he was met with a tope from Boar, as the pair brawled around ringside. Warren gets involved after Bird spat beer in his face, but Bird keeps the upper hand, going under the ring for a chair that he quickly used on the downed Boar.
After a chair-assisted elbow off the apron, Bird went for a Gotch piledriver… but Boar backdrops free, before going for a wander. He’s found the stairs… but Bird throws a chair at him. Back inside, Bird misses a swandive headbutt, allowing Boar to nail some back sentons as he was on all fours… but Bird goes low to protect himself from a chairshot, which he was only too keen to dish out himself.
A drop toe hold onto a chair keeps things in Bird’s favour, but Boar fires back with a back senton to a sitting Bird… who’s right back in with a teardrop suplex. Another chairshot’s blocked as Boar gets hold of it and comes back with shots of his own, following in with a cannonball into a chair for good measure. Somehow Bird has fight left in him, as he goes for a Steiner Screwdriver, only for Boar to counter back into a Fire Thunder Driver.
After kicking out, Bird’s right back in with a fireman’s carry gutbuster, a lariat and finally a sit-out powerbomb… but it’s not enough! Boar tries to fight back with lariats, but Bird ducks it and nails a Gotch piledriver for another near-fall, before he teased another one off the top rope. This time though, Boar slips free and bites Bird in the ear, following through with an overhead belly-to-belly before one more cannonball in the corner and a Trapper Keeper… only gets a two-count?! They’re still going!
The crowd chants for one more time… but Boar took too long and was planted with a Screwdriver, although Bird couldn’t make a cover. They’re back up with strikes from their knees, which Bird regained the advantage from, before unloading on Boar from the mount as commentary was damn near pleading for a ref stoppage. That wasn’t happening, so Bird sets up a chair, and threatens to swat Boar out of it with another one… but the chairshot just riles up Boar as he burst into life with a lariat, only to take a Gotch piledriver onto the chair… and still he won’t stay down!
Another top rope piledriver attempt’s blocked by Boar, who decides to try for an avalanche Trapper Keeper… and eventually nails it! Bird’s spiked on the way down, and that’s finally it! Well, that was a war without too much of the stereotypical plunder. For me, this felt like a blow-off, rather than the first match in a series; and I guess we’ll find out what happens next after this brutal outing. ***½
Nothing To Prove (Bishop & Drew Parker) vs. Brothers Of Obstruction (Jim Obstruction & Leigh Obstruction)
The lack of response for Nothing To Prove here kinda befits their general record since they were thrown together. I’ve always said they needed both a break-out moment and a decent run in the win… hopefully they can start to build.
The Brothers of Obstruction demand the referee do a thorough Health and Safety check on their opponents, and he finds some drawing pins in Parker’s pocket. Eventually we get going as all four men tore into each other, but the Brothers quickly go ahead with an assisted tope con giro before Bishop thought he’d turned the tables.
A senton/neckbreaker combo on Parker almost ended the match early, but Drew’s quickly pack with a flip plancha to the outside as Nothing to Prove tried to take over. Somehow, James Obstruction got a bloodied nose, which was shown close-up as Bishop had him in a chinlock – and James is kept in there for a while as Bishop and Parker tried to wear him down.
Out of nowhere, James nails a reverse suplex, before he manages to tag out to a fired-up Leigh, whose kicks and chops saw him fend off both foes. Bishop and Parker manage to combine for a stomp-assisted suplex, but James breaks it up before we embarked on a Parade of Moves as the match quickly turned into a tornado affair.
Parker nearly wins it when he blocked a lungblower, but James’ German suplex quickly puts the brakes on that fightback, as the Brothers hit a legdrop/sidewalk clam combo, before they planted Drew with a double-team DDT. The Brothers used Nothing to Prove for an accidental neckbreaker, like the one they do themselves, before Bishop takes a 3D… ahead of a pair of double stomps that ended the match. So much for building up a streak. This was fine, but would have benefited from being slowed down a tad as a lot of this felt liked moves for the sake of moves. Less is more, and all that! ***
El Phantasmo vs. Dick Riley
It’s an ATTACK! return for Riley, who was last here for ATTACK’s previous “PPV tie-in” in November. He’s been on a bit of a tear this year in Bristol’s Pro Wrestling Chaos, but he tempted fate early on by asking that Phantasmo slows it down.
Yep. Slow-motion graps!
Except Phantasmo swerved us all and burst back into life with a dropkick after pulling away a slow clap from Riley. A nice sequence took us to a Riley dropkick, before he lands on his feet from an ELP monkey flip, as the pace gets way too quick to call. Duelling dropkicks miss as the pair reached a stalemate, before Phantasmo bust out his rope walking en route to a ‘rana!
Riley headed outside and trapped Phantasmo’s baseball slide in the ring apron, before going to work over Phantasmo’s arm… but ELP turns up the pace and springboards into Riley with a crossbody and a Quebrada for a near-fall. A whirlibird neckbreaker’s attempted as Riley instead countered with the Dick Dastardly (or the Ranhei, if you’re into move names) for a near-fall.
From the kick-out, ELP tries for a pop-up cutter, but it’s blocked as Riley gets his own in instead. Phantasmo tries to nick it with a small package, but Riley’s straight back with a spinning heel kick, before his attempt at something out of the corner’s aborted, with Riley instead hitting a Spanish Fly before Phantasmo crushed him with an authentic Canadian Destroyer!
A corkscrew moonsault moonsault misses from ELP though, and Riley’s back in it… except he misses the same move as the pair crashed to the mat through exhaustion. The pair trade shots on their way back to their feet, switching them up for chops, then knees, before Phantasmo snuck in with a whirlibird neckbreaker, ahead of a huge splash off the top that Riley barely kicked out of.
Phantasmo teased going Coast to Coast… but going corner-to-corner saw him land in a kick from Riley, before a spin-out Downward Spiral out of nowhere got the win. This was good, even if the finish was a bit abrupt, but I’d like to see this get parlayed into more regular appearances for Riley. ***¼
ELIJAH vs. Chief Deputy Dunne
After his underlings came up short, it’s a battle of the leaders as Nothing to Prove again took on the Anti-Fun Police, with a 1-3 record in all of their various meetings going into this. I’ll stop beating that horse…
Dunne borrowed a page from John Cena’s book, as his entrance was paved with civilian recruitments to the Anti Fun Police. He was pie-faced during the introductions by ELIJAH, and Dunne comes straight out of the blocks with a dive onto Nothing to Prove, as he then proceeded to wear down on ELIJAH in the ring.
A back elbow drops ELIJAH for a near-fall, but he’s right back out with a Slingblade as ELIJAH looked to get distracted by the crowd’s chants. Those get shrugged off as he dropkicked away a springboard lungblower attempt from Dunne, collecting a near-fall in the process. Some knees and a neckbreaker follow as ELIJAH was taking control, but that’s tempting fate as Dunne’s right back out with a knee to the gut, then a leg sweep and a Shining Wizard to the back of the head.
ELIJAH’s sent crawling onto the apron, where he’s met with a crushing spear from Dunne, who follows in with a slingshot back cracker as the Anti-Fun Police almost took home another win. Another springboard lungblower’s blocked, but ELIJAH ends up having to fight out of a rope-hung DDT as he countered into a crucifix for a near-fall.
An Electric Chair facebuster follows as ELIJAH tried to nick the win, but Dunne’s got similar trick as he countered another crucifix into the Restraining Order – a Cobra clutch! Someone’s been watching tapes! It’s a little too soon though, as ELIJAH got to the ropes and onto the apron, as the pair traded shots, leading to a big boot and a DDT on the apron from ELIJAH. Los Federales Santos Jr. howled in agony as Dunne barely kicked out of that, but Dunne’s able to fire back with overhand strikes, a bicycle knee, and finally the Fun’s Over DDT!
That would have gotten the win, but Bishop and Parker pull out the referee, before they’re wiped out by Santos! For some reason the referee’s remonstrating with Santos for that, but ELIJAH doesn’t capitalise… instead pulling the referee into the path of a springboard lungblower as we were back to square one. The crowd were calling for Shay Purser to return… but he’s not around, so Bishop and Parker take to destroying Dunne and Santos as the numbers game comes into play.
Drew takes off his belt, but Dunne fights free before he can get whipped… and dumps Drew with a slingshot back cracker on the apron! Bishop takes a PK on the apron for good measure, but ELIJAH cracks the megaphone onto Dunne’s head… only for a near-fall! The match entered its final moments with Dunne cracking ELIJAH with a headbutt, before a springboard lungblower’s countered into a low blow as ELIJAH’s finished him off with a Fisherman’s suplex into a spinebuster for the win. The closest I think we’ve had to a dominant win, and it’s not without it’s shenanigans, but ELIJAH stands tall at the end of the night ***¼
Post-match, ELIJAH keeps stomping away on Dunne, prompting Santos to make the save… but he’s overwhelmed by Parker and Bishop as the numbers game took hold once more. But wait, here’s the Brothers of Obstruction! Low blows from ELIJAH wipe them out… and as ELIJAH stranged Dunne with a belt, Santos gets wiped out with a powerbomb through a table!
Finally the locker room sort-of empties out as Sexsmith, Mambo, and Bowl-a-Rama make the save… but the lights go out as those weird anarchic videos play again. When we come back, Nothing to Prove resume their beatdown, with Lloyd Katt turning on Splits McPins, dropping him with a vicious tombstone. Bowl-a-Rama and (I assume) Lloyd Katt is dead… and Nothing To Prove have a fourth member as Cardiff ended their night in a state of shock.
EmbassyBingoMania was a good show from ATTACK!, and one that finally progressed the Nothing To Prove story beyond the farcical round of them losing matches but winning battles outside of the bells. Nobody saw the Lloyd Katt turn coming, which is a rareity in this era of “everyone knowing everything”, and in a way, it also made sense given that the Bowl-a-Rama story had petered out with the Anti Fun Police’s face turn. Yeah, in an ideal world I’d have liked to have seen someone run out of town as a payback for the bowling alley story, but it was time for a change.
Coincidentally, ELIJAH and someone who looks remarkably like Lloyd Katt partner up in Pro Wrestling Chaos as the Brotherhood – so perhaps it’s time that they tapped into an act that is already having some success elsewhere. Lord knows, Nothing to Prove certainly need a boost, and this could well be it!
All told, my fears about ATTACK! having a distinctly sub-par show with everyone in the States was massively unfounded.