Their first proper show back after a wacky Press 5tart, ATTACK! returned to Cheltenham for a breezy show that took full-aim at the Anti-Fun Police!

Bowl-a-Rama (Splits McPins & Lloyd Katt) vs. Kyle Fletcher & Mark Davis
You know how vicious Mark Davis’ hand slaps look on video? They’re even harder to take in person! Splits is absolutely melting in the Frog & Fiddle, but that’s what you get for wrestling in what’s pretty much dress clothes!

Splits goes after Fletcher’s arm early on, only for the wristlock to be reversed as McPins rolled around the ring in a successful bid to free himself. Hey! A roll-up into a dropkick takes down Kyle, as Splits followed up with a flip senton to put the former tag champs in control. Duelling hiptosses to the Aussies somehow give way to Lloyd Katt slow-mo’ing it up with Mark Davis, who knocked out Katt’s cigar… and that’s when stuff got real!

The Fat Cat hulked up, with some added lucha rolls and a headscissor takedown… but Davis ended up being the first to go properly airborne, throwing himself outside with a tope! McPins did the same with a moonsault off the turnbuckles to the floor, before Kyle looked to have completed the set with a tope con hilo… only for Katt to fly again!

Back in the ring, Splits splits the Aussies with uppercuts in the corner, then again with cannonballs before a facebuster earned him a near-fall. Davis saves Fletcher from a belly-to-back piledriver before launching Katt off the top rope into a Fletcher cutter for another near-fall as the Aussies did a CCK and busted out some sick tag moves… as a stuff Gotch Piledriver nearly finished Katt.

McPins broke that up and made a comeback of sorts, before a double-team flip hiptoss nailed the masked bowler, who then flew back at the Aussie Arrow Fletcher with a German suplex, before a modified Meltzer Driver got the bowlers a two-count. This is insane stuff, with the flips being replaced by hard kicks from the Aussies as their spell on top ended with a double Katt clothesline, but Fletcher somehow managed to avoid More Bang For Your Buck as Katt accidentally moonsaulted onto his own man, which left Katt pray for a back suplex and Splits for an Awful Waffle as the Aussies picked up the win. All action, and a lot of fun – which seemingly saw Davis and Fletcher take Bowl-a-Rama’s number-one contendership off them too. ***½

Sergeant Banks vs. Omari
Sergeant Banks was out with Los Federales Santos Jr – a man whom he has been fighting for Chief Deputy Dunne’s affections in recent shows. Somehow, Banks messed up his Chief’s motto, correcting himself before looking to the heavens. Someone’s getting fed up of wrestling in black in the summer, I guess!

Banks starts by taking down Omari in a headlock, but the lanky Fight Club: Pro trainee quickly escaped as the Sergeant went to a wristlock, with similar results. A forearm barely shifts the big guy, and earns Banks an immediate receipt as he was clubbed into the corner before Omari hit a springboard forearm out of the corner.

Some rolling gutwrenches followed as Omari made Banks look like he was as light as a feather, eventually getting a two-count out of the evil child referee Shay Purser. Santos leaps onto the apron to distract from an O-Zone attempt… and it works as he somehow ends up in the ring to give Banks a hand up for a chokeslam on Omari.

Yeah, that looked fun!

The fun continued when Banks pulled up his kneepads for a knee drop… yeah, Omari got out of the way. Just as well those pads went up, eh?

Omari tried to fight back, and once he’d shrugged off some forearms from Banks, he kicked his way back into it, dropping the Kiwi with a roundhouse, before catching a Slice of Heaven attempt and turning it into an O-Zone. Banks slipped out of that and landed a superkick as the pair went back-and-forth off the ropes until a leg lariat from Omari finally the Kiwi in the corner.

A Fisherman’s suplex nearly gets it for Omari, who then crashed and burned with a back elbow out of the corner as Banks managed to get back into it. Another springboard is rudely interrupted as Banks kicks him into the ropes for a cannonball and a double stomp. Still, Omari fights back, dumping Banks with a spin-out suplex before missing a springboard moonsault, allowing the Sergeant to fire back with a diving clothesline that almost won it.

Again, Santos comes into the ring as Shay’s useless at controlling things, but it ends up with Banks getting dropkicked off of Santos’ shoulders. For some reason Shay’s worried over Santos, so he misses a low blow and a Fisherman’s driver, and although Omari kicked out at two, he’s helpless as the Lion’s Clutch/Gargano Escape forces the rookie to tap. They’ll hate me for this, but this was a fun match without too much of the usual AFP shenanigans. ***½

ATTACK! Tag Team Championship: Extra Talented (Ricky Starks & Aaron Solow) vs. #CCK (Chris Brookes & Kid Lykos) (c)
Brookes managed to soak the ring during his water spot, forcing Shay to towel down the mat. Ricky Starks manages to talk his team’s way into this being a tag title match, with Solow offering to have his “wife to be” to put in a word for #CCK for the then-upcoming Mae Young Classic.

Lykos and Brookes actually talked about it… and accepted it. So this is tag titles vs. Mae Young Classic spots? Erm, guys…

The challengers start by pounding on the champs with some corner-to-corner piggy backs, then a trust-fall to squish Lykos as Shay finally remembered to ring the bell… just as Starks had the match won. We quickly get the bare arse spot… which leads to #CCK taking Ricky’s bare cheeks via hip attacks as Shay tried to fix it… and got caught in the process of “touching Stark’s ass”. So he gets a bare-arse hip attack too as Ricky proceeded to do a Charlie Sterling and wrestle with the bum hanging out.

After getting a face full of bum, Lykos gets a blind tag out as #CCK rushed into the elevated Codebreaker/back senton combo that they refuse to name, getting a two-count in the process. Agitated Lykos returns to beat on Starks on the apron, dropping him neck-first on the top rope for a near-fall, before Ricky found himself on the wrong end of some double-teaming.

Lykos tries his brainbuster, but Starks keeps escaping despite Lykos’ “extra effort” as it’s eventually reversed, allowing Starks to bring in Solow and his Bayley-inspired tights. An apron enziguri dazes Brookes, before Solow leapt off the apron and dropped Lykos with a superkick on the floor.

Back in the ring, Solow drops Brookes with a crossbody off the top before Lykos made a beeline… and after eating a fallaway slam from Solow, he got thrown to the outside as Starks pushed him away like he was blocking a Dudley Dog. Another crossbody to the floor wipes out the champs, who then ate a Dominator/Cutter combo from the Americans as Lykos barely made a save.

Solow stuffs a Lo Mein Pain attempt by Lykos, who then ate a powerbomb/clothesline combo for a near-fall, but Solow’s attempt to fight off the champs single-handed came back to bite him as he ate that move, then a slingshot cutter before Brookes spun Lykos into a tornado DDT on Starks.

We returned to a superkick party of sorts, which gave way to a knee strike party, with Lykos stealing the show… before Solow roundhouse kicked his head off! Lykos comes back with an attempt at the 720- DDT, but Starks blocks it and counters into a superkick-assisted Angel’s Wings that almost won the match. Instead, Lykos punts Starks low and small packages him for a near-fall, before finally hitting the brainbuster for the win. I need a graphic for this…

Yeah, so #CCK retain their titles but somehow didn’t get into the Mae Young Classic. There’s always next year, eh? As bad guys, #CCK are at their best. I know, big shock, huh? The Keystone Cops-esque stuff from Lykos (“I got you” – seconds later, Lykos splats on the outside) are really endearing in a comedic way. ***¾

Elijah vs. Wild Boar
Elijah’s attempt at a jump start fails as Boar sidesteps a charge and sends him outside with a series of suplexes, before a move to join him outside ended up with Elijah cracking him with a forearm.

Unfazed, Boar throws Elijah into a wall, before taking a back suplex onto the apron as the pair eventually returned to the ring. Boar responds with a death valley driver, but the momentum continues to shift as Elijah catches Boar going up top, and delivered an Electric Chair facebuster for a near-fall. I’m guessing Elijah’s taking offence to the whole “Wild Boar” character, but he’s not going for the Boar’s muzzle.

Boar replies with a series of forearms, but he’s quickly poked in the eye before countering a crucifix driver by just dumping Elijah to the mat ahead of a sit-out tombstone that earned a near-fall.

The crucifix driver succeeds at the second attempt for just a one-count, so Elijah fires back with some Slingblades, including one out of the corner for a near-fall, only to waste too much time in finishing him off… allowing the Boar to hit back with a pop-up powerbomb and the Trapper Keeper package piledriver in quick succession for the win. This was alright, but since Elijah stopped being a trophy hunter, I’ve been on the fence about him. Plus, I was really distracted by the Boar’s eyes… I mean… what the heck?! ***

British Strong Style (Pete Dunne, Trent Seven & Tyler Bate) vs. Anti-Fun Police (Chief Deputy Dunne & Brothers of Obstruction (James Obstruction & Leigh Obstruction)
Aah, young Shay. Such a fanboy for Pete Dunne, yet he doesn’t ever get the hint when his affections are brutally shrugged off. Yeah, this is the latest in the series of British Strong Style’s trio’s tour, and in ATTACK! they’re using Sledgehammer.

Fortunately, Pete did the best thing you could with a stuffed pigeon equivalent of him… and punt it towards the back of the room. Their fun’s interrupted, and you can guess who by… all of the Anti-Fun Police, this time represented by Chief Deputy Dunne and the Brothers of Obstruction.

BSS’ response was to have fun, by way of the Triple H water spit, which led to a jump start as we started with the Brothers outside the ring against Tyler and Pete. That damn pigeon comes into play as Tyler rammed it into the brothers as the camera panned into the ring just in time for Trent to cricket-chop Chief Deputy Dunne. The trios fun continues as Tyler kept hold of that pigeon as he went after the Brothers again, only for Peter to come in and clothesline the moustache off of one of the Brothers.

Shay kept celebrating every bit of offence from Peter, including pulling up one of the Brothers by his ponytail, before choking him with his own wrist tape. Whatever happened to impartial officiating?! Peter replied by teasing a Bitter End, but the Brothers broke it up to save the ref, who then tries to shoehorn his way into BSS by doing flips. Just like his hero!

It’s certainly a very weird, albeit interesting wrinkle into Shay’s act, who continues to cheerlead as the Chief Deputy berates the crowd… just as BSS turned around and sprayed water at him to set off some more dives. A Trent low-pe… a body press from the Pigeon, which all of the Anti-Fun Police sold for like death, before Tyler did his leaping body press to the outside. Not to be left out, Pete does his moonsault off the middle turnbuckle, before he tried to go all Ozzy Osborne by biting the pigeon’s head off.

Someone’s crutch comes into play as things got wild on the floor, with the Dunnes blasting each other with forearms, before Pete fish-hooked away on Banks as he tried to kill someone not in the match. The stairway in the venue also came into play as Trent shoved one of the Brothers of Obstruction down the handrail, eventually crotching him as the typical BSS trios insanity continued unabated.

Back in the ring again, Trent went for the ball-sweat soaked cricket chop, but this time Chief Deputy Dunne stopped it as Trent found himself in the wrong part of the ring against the Anti-Fun Police. Eventually the Brothers clonked into each other with an errant axehandle smash, but Trent had to wait until he pulled off a pair of half-nelson suplexes to the Brothers before he could tag out to Peter.

An X-Plex dumps Chief Deputy Dunne, as one of the Brothers hit the ring with right hands to Pete in the corner… but he eventually bulldozed out of it and levelled him with a forearm as the other Brother tried to take over, only to get stacked up with a double single-leg crab. Trent comes in and goes all Kojima with machine-gun chops to the Anti-Fun Police, one at a time, before declaring his love for chops. They’re not vegan though?

The ring fills again as everyone eventually gets laid out, leading to Bate crushing the Chief Deputy with a standing shooting star press en route to a German suplex, before a brief airplane spin. Those Brothers get in on the act too, getting giant swings and airplane spins, before Trent goes crazy with backhand slaps… which knock down everyone but Santos, who manages to flatten Trent with a crossbody.

Santos then acts all scared of the pigeon, before taking an X-Plex as Peter shows that it’s not just Tyler who’s freaky strong. A trio of “freeze” enziguiris are replied to with a trio of Tyler’s bop-bang punches, and some Pedigrees “for Paul”, but Santos pulls Shay out… who for some reason celebrates not being able to help his hero win? A trio of low blows leads to one of the best things in wrestling: comedic Trent, before a double-team DDT from the Brothers of Obstruction and a springboard Codebreaker almost got the Police the win…

But this time it’s Pete Dunne’s turn to pull out the ref, then work over Shay’s fingers, despite this pleas of “I love you”. Somehow Dunne stacks up the Brothers for a double Pedigree, which is quite the sight, before Chief Deputy whacks Peter with the megaphone. The end quickly comes when a Trent piledriver segues into a Tyler Driver, then a Bitter End as Chief Deputy Dunne ate the pin… as British Strong Style celebrated with the theme tune from 90s kids’ TV show Fun House? Instantly seven stars from me for that! As for the rest of the match, this was pretty much on par with the vast majority of the British Strong Style travelling trios matches – plenty watchable, but something much more enjoyable for the live crowd than on VOD. ***¾

After the match, Shay got spiked by BSS courtesy of a three-way Pedigree. Yet still, he longs for the Bruiserweight’s affections…

Well, ATTACK! continue to deliver – a five match show, with plenty of good wrestling, and a hint of character development as the Anti-Fun Police might – just might – be about to get a little lighter. Something which was hinted at again at the Neon Wristlock, which we’ll get reviewed in the not-too-distant future!