ATTACK! is back, and this time they’re at a rather exclusive venue for their second “Club One Hundred” show.
Having found a disused bingo hall attached to one of their regular venues – the Cathays Community Centre in Cardiff – the newly-discovered room became home to their Club One Hundred event. So named because they only have one hundred tickets available (give or take). Sadly, the original Club One Hundred card is consigned to the dustbin of history, since the video of that show is apparently too dark to share.
We’ve dispensed with the pre-show opening here, and we go straight into the action:
Travis Banks vs. Drew Parker vs. Danny Jones
“Sergeant” Banks takes offence to Parker and Jones dancing at the start of this – with the Anti-Fun Police member having little answer for Parker’s ‘rana early on.
A dropkick takes Banks down, as Parker and Jones end up facing off, before Parker ends Jones’ “fun” punches, only to be taken down with a diving uppercut. Parker superkicks the head of an upside down Jones in the corner, before being dragged outside by Banks.
After some cat and mouse, Jones handstands in the corner again, but fends off an onrushing Banks and nails a missile dropkick. Jones and Parker go toe-to-toe, but instead end up dancing once more, much to the ire of Sergeant Banks, who rushes in only to take a hiptoss onto Parker’s knees.
As Jones stands alone, the Love Making Demon pulls out a pill… but Banks rushes in to stop him from the pill popping. The crowd chants for Jones to “take the pill”, but once he tells the crowd that it’s only a vitamin pill, Banks takes it himself. Of course, it wasn’t a vitamin pill, and Sergeant Banks starts tripping! Holy crap, this is amazing to watch!
After gyrating around Danny Jones and referee Shay, Banks does some Dusty punches in tune to “No Limit”, like a raving New Jack. A cannonball drops Jones, before Banks crashes… literally, with a Flair flop. In comes the Love Making Demon to check on him, before our lovable dealer gives Banks some mouth-to-mouth.
Following those shenanigans, Parker low-bridges Banks to the outside, where he gets dived on – first with a corkscrew plancha from Jones, then a somersault senton from Parker. Referee Shay tells the crowd he’s not going to do a dive… but then the Demon comes in and shoves a pill in his mouth, and of course, that prompts him to climb the ropes and crash down with a plancha as he starts tripping.
Out of context, this entire spiel is ridiculous, but it actually works here! I’m sure someone’ll not like the whole “wrestlers taking drugs disguised as vitamins” act, but given that this is like a cartoon but with wrestling, you just have to take it for what it is.
Shay starts dancing in the ring, but falls to the mat hard after Banks trips him. Travis takes a tiltawhirl backbreaker from Jones, then a reverse slam, as Danny ends up taking a reverse ‘rana from Parker. Drew goes up top and lands a double stomp, and that’s’ the win. Absolute insanity, but really enjoyable stuff. ***½
After the match, Banks lays out Drew Parker with a stiff chairshot to the head. Thankfully, Drew got a hand up, and we fade out. The storyline coming out of the show was that Parker’s been knocked loopy, and thinks he’s stuck in mid-90s ECW. I cannot wait to see that gimmick, particularly part one: Sab-Drew…
Alex Windsor & Los Federales Santos Sr. vs. Ryan Smile & Sierra Loxton
I’m not sure what Alex Windsor’s role in the Anti-Fun Police is, but she’s teaming up with Los Federales Santos Sr here, with Sergeant Banks in their corner.
Banks distracts Loxton at the bell, as Windsor “searches” Loxton following a waistlock takedown. That results in Loxton kicking Windsor hard, before tagging out… Shrieking Ryan Smile takes down Santos with a dropkick, and we’ve got an intergender, partners match. Well, if Johnny Gargano and Candice LeRae can do it…
Windsor grabs a headlock on Smile, but it’s easily reversed, before a spot of rope-running and associated avoidances leads to a stalemate. Smile kisses Windsor during a Sister Abigail, before she tags out to Santos, and we get another intergender pairing with Santos and Loxton. For like five seconds.
We end up with Loxton getting choked by the big boot of Windsor in the corner, but Sierra fires back with forearms before a clothesline sends her violently to the mat. Both women tag out, and we’re back to Shrieking Smile, as he runs riot over Santos, before throwing the masked man to the outside and cartwheeling on the apron to avoid a leg sweep. Smile finally PK’s Santos before a somersault senton wipes out both of the Anti-Fun Police. Loxton comes in and adds to it, with a tope into the front row, before Smile and Santos return to the ring.
Smile goes up top, but he misses a double stomp, before Windsor kicks him low, then in the back of the knee. A Shining Wizard knocks her other half down, before Loxton comes in to elbow her repeatedly in the corner. Loxton connects with a running hip attack to Windsor, but turns around into a big boot from Santos, before a Torture Rack drop puts paid to her.
Smile takes out Santos with an OsCutter out of the corner, before his dive is stopped by Windsor. They stand-off, with Windsor’s slap to Smile earning her a stiff superkick, then a Blue Thunder Back Cracker. Ryan goes up top and goes all the way across the ring with a frog splash, and that’s enough to defeat the Anti-Fun Police. Good match with the shenanigans, if a little on the short side! **¾
Nixon Newell vs. Pete Dunne
Well, if you’re not a fan of intergender wrestling, this probably isn’t the show for you…
Dunne immediately takes down Newell and goes for a wristlock, before his attempt at biting gets him a spinebuster. Newell grabs an armbar, but Dunne lifts up and powerbombs himself free.
They go outside the ring, with Dunne fighting into the crowd with Newell, whose fightbacks are repeatedly cut-off… at least until he misses a chop and gets nothing but the ring post. Newell takes him down with a series of topes, then a diving tornado DDT out of the ring onto the floor.
Dunne fought back by suplexing Newell onto the apron, before she kicks him low on the apron and followed up with a PK. A diving rana off the apron completed the offence, before Dunne dropped her with a series of rope-hung DDTs for a near-fall.
Dunne grabbed Newell by the hair, but she quickly returned the favour, only to be knocked down with a forearm as Dunne trapped the knees and started to bite away on Newell’s fingers. More hair-pulling leads to Dunne kicking Newell in the back, and then dropping elbows and crossface punches, before trapping Newell in a rear naked choke on the mat.
Newell tries to fight out, but ends up caught in another armbar before she takes some pump kicks. A third kick knocks her down for a near-fall, before she reverses a release suplex to get some breathing space. The Newell comeback continues with forearms into the corner, before a dropkick from Dunne sets up for a Drop Dead… which Newell avoids and comes back with a pair of superkicks.
Those superkicks don’t faze Dunne, but a Shining Wizard does, and gets Nixon a two-count. A springboard out of the corner is met with a stiff forearm, as Dunne almost wins with a sit-out powerbomb. She takes a series of Saito suplexes, before reversing one herself, and almost wins it with the Molly-Go-Round off the top rope.
From their knees, Dunne and Newell trade increasingly-violent forearm strikes, before they trade snap German suplexes off the ropes. They clonk heads from a headbutt, before a bridging Tiger suplex gets Newell a near-fall. An attempted Welsh Destroyer is blocked as Dunne snacks again, and has the favour quickly returned by Newell… and again by the referee?!
More forearms from Newell take Dunne into the ropes, before referee Shay throws some more forearms to Dunne to keep up that feud. Newell and Dunne trade kicks, before Newell counters the Drop Dead into a tornado DDT, then hits the Welsh Destroyer… but Dunne rolls to the outside.
Newell goes to the outside to bring Pete back in, but she’s caught with a series of tombstone piledrivers on the floor. Back inside, that leaves her prey for the Drop Dead… but she finds enough to kick out! From that, Dunne stomps away at the head of Newell, and that forces the referee to wave off the match due to a knock-out – and award the match to Pete Dunne. A good match, particularly for someone who isn’t a massive fan of intergender wrestling. Dunne and Newell know their stuff, that’s for sure! ***¾
After the match, Dunne runs back into the ring and keeps stomping away on Newell’s head, until ring announcer Jim Lee runs in to make the save. I wasn’t crazy about having two head-injury storylines in the same show, but these do seem to be leading somewhere…
Splits McPins vs. Tyler Bate
McPins is out with his bowling league team-mate, “Fat Cat” Lloyd Katt, whose attire earns him a chant of “socks and sandals”. Katt’s apparently from Bowlarama in Hackney, and he’s out in gear that makes him look like he peed his pants. He also sounds vaguely like the old British comedian Tommy Cooper…
Bate starts with a wristlock and an arm wringer, but McPins switches it into a hammerlock that Bate easily gets out of. McPins then rolls around the ring to get out of another wristlock… and keeps on rollin’, rollin’, rollin, before Bate grounds him with a leg stretcher. Splits reverses it whilst Bate was looking the other way, but Tyler stretches it out and rolled backwards and up to his feet.
They work over some reversals for a spell, then some rope running before a low dropkick from McPins takes down Bate. Tyler gets knocked off the apron as McPins takes it to the outside, where Katt gets involved, holding back Bate’s arms… as McPins rolls all the way around ringside before poking Bate in the eyes. Okay, that was funny!
After returning to the ring, Bate works a Japanese stranglehold on McPins, and pulls him back into a surfboard stretch, before using an armbreaker to McPins’ left (bowling?) arm. Bate turns it into an armbar, then a bodyslam, before McPins ducks a corner charge and goes to the top rope. Katt hands him a bowling ball, which Splits drops onto Bate from a great height. That evil bowler!
Bate kicks out at two, before dropkicking Splits back to the mat, and then lifting him up for an Airplane Spin. McPins gets out of it though, then lands a series of forearms before back suplex takes Tyler down. Bowling Thunder gets McPins a two-count, but his follow-up sees Bate low bridge him to the outside, where his attempted dive is cut-off as he tripped up on a bowling ball that Katt had rolled into the ring.
McPins bowls the ball out of the ring and into Bate in the front row, before a forward roll into a reverse STO gets him a two-count. Splits winds up for an uppercut in the corner, which he gets, before Katt passes him the ball back, which is used for the old Al Snow spot of bowling for Bate’s balls… except Tyler blocks it! The ball’s caught, and is bowled straight back at Splits’ nether-regions, before Bate hits a double underhook into a backbreaker for a near-fall.
Lloyd Katt crawls into the ring with another ball, which leads to a tug of war with Bate, who picks him up for an Airplane spin, before looking to add McPins into the mix with a Giant Swing. Instead, he just dumps Katt onto McPins, before a scoop Tombstone piledriver gets Tyler the win. Fun stuff, but I do worry about how much mileage they can get out of the McPins gimmick if they’ve already added a cornerman to his routine. ***
The ring announcer calls for a round of applause for Lloyd Katt, after a particularly cheap shot as he mentioned that he needs all the luck he can get if Hackney’s Bowlarama can only survive if Splits wins wrestling matches. Ow!
This segment keeps going as they lead into the raffle, but before he can start, ring announcer Jim Lee’s attacked from behind by Pete Dunne. Lee’s stomped to death, and gets dragged out to the floor by Dunne, who powerbombs him through a table that had conspicuously been left at ringside for the whole night.
As some in the crowd demanded that Pete draw the raffle, we see a long shot of the ring as Jim gets back to his feet… and I guess that’s it? We’re onto our next match?
Chris Brookes gets a heel response from the crowd by saying that there’ll be no raffle, and instead introduces the main event, complete with sarcastic introductions for the babyface team.
#CCK (Chris Brookes & Kid Lykos) & Wild Boar vs. Brendan White, Mike Bird & Eddie Dennis
All six men start off at once, with Dennis laying into Brookes with a forearm, before Lykos got pulled out of the corner; and Lykos stayed in there in the early going, as the faces tagged in and out to take their turns laying into him.
Eddie Dennis holds up Lykos for a long stalling suplex, before holding Lykos in place for a wind-up slap from Bird… who then repeats the stalling suplex. As does Brendan White. Lykos gets slammed down, and the sequence repeats with Brookes and Boar slammed on top of him, before referee Shay completes the set… before a fan is invited into the ring to be used as a weapon. The heck?!
In comes Brookes, who takes a hiptoss, and thankfully they switch it up away from “three of the same”, whilst keeping the quick tags amongst the babyfaces. Brookes gets charged into his own corner by Bird, but that allows the heels to tag in… unfortunately, it’s Lykos who does so, and after chopping Bird, he realises what he’s done.
Bowing down and kissing the feet of the “Ginger Jesus” doesn’t work, but Lykos manages to surprise Bird with a headscissors takedown, before Board rushes in and goes to work on Bird. Brookes tags back in and gives Bird a wet willie, which draws an impressively loud reaction from the crowd, before Boar comes back in to keep up the offence.
Lykos actually gets some offence in, taking down Bird with a leg grapevine, before Boar returned, and finally took some shots as Bird made a comeback. A headbutt rocked both men, and finally Bird tagged out to Eddie Dennis, who went for his fallaway slam/Samoan drop combo on #CCK, only for them to fight out of it.
Dennis blocks a double-team suplex from Brookes and Lykos, before suplexing the pair of them, and then going outside to resume rivalries with Wild Boar. A tope from Bird cuts off the Boar, before Lykos’ corkscrew plancha and a body press from White ended it. The crowd chanted for a second dive of the day from Shay, but Brookes put an end to it, before he was crucifix powerbombed onto the pile by Dennis.
Wait, that’s not all… Shay gets the crucifix powerbomb treatment too. Jesus, that ref gets abused more than the New Japan guys! Brookes and Dennis fight by the bar, where Eddie grabs a mouthful of orange juice from a carton, as the fixed camera shows us an empty ring. A plastic “wet floor” sign is used on Brookes, before Dennis screams to the crowd for a ladder.
Lykos finds it and climbs up towards a balcony for safety, but Dennis tips the ladder and sends the masked wolf into a pile of wrestlers. They finally return to the ring, but Dennis is stopped and takes a baking tray shot to the head from Brookes, as Lykos ends up taking a spinning facebuster and a lariat from White.
White continues with lariats in the corner, before he gets caught by an elbow from Lykos, a spear from Boar and a dropkick from Brookes. More moves lead to Lykos getting a two count after a kick to the head. Brookes comes in and chops away at White, before he hangs onto the newcomer to prevent him from tagging out.
The heels continue to isolate White as they take turns tagging in and out whilst keeping him as far away from a tag as possible. Out of nowhere, White turns a charge from Boar into a Bossman Slam, and finally tags in Bird, who clears house with clotheslines and dropkicks.A tiltawhirl facebuster sends Lykos into the corner, as the heel team takes it in turns to receive uppercuts before a pop-up gutbuster takes down Brookes.
Boar gets rocked with a forearm, before he ducks a superkick from Dennis – who accidentally takes out Bird in the process. A swinging side slam from Eddie takes the Wild Boar down, before giving Lykos a crucifix bucklebomb. Brookes takes a second one into Lykos, as Bird and Dennis have a heated “discussion” over the earlier superkick.
Boar takes advantage of that by pushing Dennis into Bird, and then hitting a German suplex, before a cannonball senton in the corner sets up Boar for… nothing. Instead, Dennis drops to the mat, as Boar and Bird face off. Bird teases turning on Dennis, but instead takes out the heels, culminating with a dive onto Brookes.
Lykos nearly snatches a win with a small package on White, before trying for a flatliner off the top rope. Instead a swinging suplex takes out Lykos, but leaves White in position for a cannonball in the corner from the Boar. Bird returns to stuff the Boar with a Gotch piledriver, before Brookes hits the Whiplash on Bird. Dennis tries a Next Stop Driver, which gets countered, and nearly sees Lykos get a win with another small package. A superkick from Dennis sets him up for a crucifix bucklebomb on Lykos, before Dennis and Bird combine for a stuff Next Stop Driver for the win.
A truly wild and fun main event – it’s not going to trouble any match of the year awards, but a fine ending to a damn good show. ***½
Those 100-or-so in attendance for a heck of a show for their money, as ATTACK! continued their run of good shows. A real thumbs up show!