We spin the wheel with the UWA again, and see which division they’ll be focusing on this week… and it’s the tag team ranks for their 12th TV show.

The show starts with footage from last week where Kerry Cabrero – who’d acted heelish earlier in the night – cemented his turn with a lovely unprotected chairshot to Phil Powers. Note the sarcasm there. Despite getting the pinfall, Stevie Knight’s victory was quickly, and inexplicably, ruled as a no-contest.

We open up in the studio with Dan Berlinka, who runs through what we just saw… and then we go to the ring.

Bully Boy Briggs vs. Werra
This is Briggs’ second appearance for the UWA, and he gets a deafening lack-of-ovation for his match against the debuting Werra. For those of you with long memories, this is the guy who had a scrapyard match in episode four against “Frank, the Martial Arts Expert”.

Werra does a kip up in the ring as Briggs is outside the ring looking lost. Briggs finally comes in and gets thrown across the ring… but not with an Irish whip. A big boot knocks Briggs down, and I have a feeling Werra’s gone to the same wrestling school as Big Papa T. One that probably should be looked at under the Trade Descriptions Act…

Werra throws Briggs out of the ring with an Irish whip, and he follows him out there with a move I can best describe as a jumping eye rake. Briggs gets thrown into the ring apron, before Werra returns to the ring, where he inexplicably poses for the crowd. With Werra having distracted himself, Briggs attacks the debutant from behind, then grabs a headlock.

That headlock barely lasts as Briggs goes for a shoulder block that’s ineffective, before Werra’s attempt at a monkey flip is cancelled out by a stomp. Briggs slams Werra, then gets a leg drop, before missing a second as Werra just pops up. Werra lands a headbutt, then lifts him up in a butterfly lock, and that’s it. Briggs “passes out” and despite the referee waving off the match, Werra gets a legdrop that wakes up Briggs and sends him out of the ring.

Pretty basic stuff, but Werra was not ready for any sort of television exposure. *

We’re back to Dan Berlinka who links to the next segment – back to ringside with Stevie Knight. Kerry Cabrero’s out with him for a promo. Knight insists he’s the champion of the UWA, which is an irritating flub because he was only fighting for the TV title… Knight and Cabrero hug in the ring, and they continue to throw in some homosexual overtones between their partnership.

Cabrero gets the microphone and declares the pair of them “the two sexiest men in the UWA”. He throws in a reference to Ric Flair without actually naming him, but rather saying “there’s a man who used to use the phrase… the 60 minute man… we can go all night long”. We finally get some substance to this, as Knight says he’s not leaving until he gets his rematch with Phil Powers, and literally seconds later, Sorcha (who’s not been seen in weeks) appears, and grants him that rematch. I’m guessing Mick McManus left the company or just wasn’t booked for this marathon set of tapings?

You know, wrestler’s taking a show hostage only works when the authority figures don’t give in at the first sign of pressure…

Sorcha adds an extra stipulation to that rematch though: Paul Sloan will be the special guest referee. An announcement that got ZERO reaction. Sloan appears on stage too, and bars Cabrero from ringside for that match. It got the storyline over, but my God, this crowd did not care about much of this.

After a break, we get a backstage promo with Phil Powers, whose vanilla promo featured him pleading with Paul Sloan to not show any favouritism whilst refereeing. For a man who got whacked over the head with a steel chair, he showed no anger towards that incident. Or indeed, no memory of it. If he was on the scene today, he’d be eaten alive with that character – below even the worst of what John Cena was like in his “SuperCena” days…

The Death Squad are in action next, but it’s not going to be their rematch… but they looked the same as they did before they even had titles. No anger or animosity whatsoever. At least until Lynch gets on the microphone and said that “last week is the first and only time that the Death Squad are going to lose”. Cue an uncomfortably long series of crowd shots, and we’re straight into action.

The Death Squad (Duke Lynch & Mark Myers) vs. Just In Time (Justin Starr & Jorge Castano)
The angry Lynch works a headlock then takes down Starr, before Myers comes in for a slam and a legdrop. We get a back body drop, before Starr ducks a clothesline, lands one of his own, and tags out to Castano.

Lynch tags back in and thumbs Castano’s eye, then gets a suplex, before the Death Squad combine for a gorilla press slam into a gutbuster. Myers drops a couple of elbows on Castano, before ripping off a turnbuckle pad and ramming Castano’s head into the top turnbuckle.

Castano takes a hard Irish whip into the exposed buckle, before he’s pushed towards Starr for a tag. More wrestling from Lynch, then a back body drop from him. Myers returns for a Michinoku driver, before throwing Starr back out for another tag. We’ve had too much of that for this squash match, as Castano gets tied up in a strait-jacket hold, before the Death Squad finally go to their finish – the Sheffield Hammer – as a gormless Justin Starr just stands on the apron, watching and doing nothing to even make a save. I’m sorry, but as a squash match, this did nothing for me; yes, they needed to rebuild the Death Squad, but having numerous phases of Lynch showing off holds didn’t work. *¼

After the match, Myers powerbombed Castano, then tossed Starr out of the ring as his gimmick of beating up their opponents after the match continued. Apparently next time they’re bringing their bike to the ring, and that’s going to be on the line in future matches. Given that bike’s only been seen once, that’s a little too early to be used in a story, no?

Yet again, we get a replay of how Doug Williams won the title, then fired his manager and the subsequent arrival of Drew McDonald. This story has been repeated to death, given how much they’ve replayed it without much in the way of advancement.

They show a repeat of last week’s tag match where 2 Far Gone won a tag title shot, and now… they get it. They really don’t like keeping us waiting for stuff like this, do they?

We see Papa T and Jody Flash’s entrance for ages – as Flash seems to get mobbed by every kid in the crowd, whilst Papa T just dances around the ring. Hey, if this means Papa T doesn’t wrestle for long, I’m all for it! They show that Big Papa T sign that’s been on these shows for several weeks now, which kinda shows just how much was taped in one night!

UWA Tag Team Championships: 2 Far Gone (Steve Morocco & Paul Tyrell) vs. Big Papa T & Jody Flash (c)
Thankfully, Flash starts with Paul Tyrell, as the pair trade armbars before Tyrell ducks a kick, a clothesline, and falls to a back kick. A caught kick leads to a slam from Tyrell, but he celebrates as Big Papa T’s tagged in. Oh no.

Papa T dances, then flattens Tyrell with a belly to belly, before a Boston crab’s broken up by Steve Morocco. Flash tags back in after those two moves, and he’s quickly overwhelmed as Tyrell lands a Falcon arrow, before Morocco headbutts Flash in the midsection. We’re sent to a break as Flash went for a sunset flip…

We return to see that sunset flip as a distant memory, and as 2 Far Gone work over Flash in the corner, we’re interrupted by someone on the stage talking in a thick accent. From what I could make out, they were trying to call Big Papa T a fraud, and that lead to Papa T chasing him to the back.

So we’re left with a two-on-one match for real now, with Flash press slammed onto the top rope before Flash moonsaulted over both opponents, then hit a double dropkick. Flash hits a pair of Japanese armdrags, as 2 Far Gone look to leave… and end up getting taken out with a springboard plancha from Flash. Which the camera misses.

Back in the ring, Flash takes a double chokeslam, then a powerbomb from Morocco. Flash takes a series of chops, before a wheelbarrow facebuster and a Samoan driver laid him out further. Flash escapes a charge in the corner and sets up Tyrell for a top rope ‘rana, but it’s countered into a top rope powerbomb.

Tyrell finishes off with a top rope rana of his own, before they go for their finisher – the backbreaker/elbow drop combination – and 2 Far Gone become the new champions. Well, this was incredibly one-sided, but actually quite good once Papa left the scene. Decent, but not great. **

After the match, Tyrell and Morocco get their belts, before Tyrell gets the microphone. Oh God, it’s another heel turn, as they talk about not having any respect for ten years… Morocco declares “we are not the blue eye team!” and I’m getting bored of heel turns because of a lack of respect. The new champions throw down those custom made titles, and demand that the UWA make them decent belts. So in the space of one TV taping, they debut a set of belts, have three champions, and retire the design? Talk about a rush job!

The show ends with Dan Berlinka recapping the Papa T storyline – apparently the mystery guy who distracted him was called Frank. Not the same guy as the Martial Arts Expert from earlier in the run.

This has to be it for this set of tapings, no? Six episodes – if we have a seventh, I’m beginning to fear we’ll hear the crowd actually snoring! Still, if the Papa T storyline keeps him out of the ring, I’ll be interested to see where this goes!