It was that time of year again – ATTACK! Goes Halloween! Featuring some impressive guest appearances, considering what else was going on that evening…

We’re in Bristol for ATTACK’s annual spooky show, and there’s a lot of dress-up going on.

Bowl-a-Rama (Splits McPins & Lloyd Katt) vs. Bird & Boar (Wild Boar & Mike Bird)
I’ll throw my hands up. I’ve only seen one episode of Rick & Morty – and I wasn’t struck. So a lot of the Bird Sanchez & Boarty Smith references went over my head. I know that Pickle Rick is a thing, but that’s about it.

A lot of the comedy here was based on Pickle Bird, who narrated himself somehow wrestling… despite being a freaking PICKLE. I suddenly want Mike Bird to commentate on all indy shows. Yes, ATTACK’s past attempt to do commentary didn’t go well, but Bird can carry it off.

Katt had no idea how to wrestle a pickle, as would everyone. Especially when said pickle can kick your arse. This was the kind of stuff that a certain section of the audience would loathe… but in this setting, Lloyd Katt getting schooled by a vegetable gets a pass.

Please see previous statements about me being a pickle… you’re shouting at a pickle Shay, how stupid do you look?

“Boarty” had rather more trouble against the bowlers, and things got even worse when Katt stomped on Pickle Bird. In his dying breaths, everyone had to hold it together as Lloyd demanded an ambulance. Except, “it’s too late, I’m dead now”… and flashing lights signalled the return of an alternate universe… featuring Bird Sanchez!

The ex-pickle took Bowl-a-Rama to town, until they too were interrupted, by the alternative Bird and Boar. What the hell am I watching? Alternative Bird even had a full head of hair! Somehow this becomes four-on-two as the Birds and Boars had their go on each other, giving themselves a taste of their own medicine.

That’s so horrible, why would we do that to anyone?

Eventually, alternative Boar takes Bowl-a-Rama’s version of More Bang For Your Buck, and the Bowlers win! I now want Pickle Bird doing commentary on all shows, especially since they have their younger clones somewhere in this universe…

Stuff like this is why I love ATTACK!

ATTACK! Championship: Flash Morgan Webster (c) vs. Danny Jones
Flash was in fancy dress… he came out to La Parka’s music, as La Parka in a Parka. “Flash” had an open challenge for anyone who’s never had a singles match for the ATTACK! title… and it was answered here by Danny Jones, making his ATTACK! return after a couple of months on tour with All Japan Pro Wrestling.

Jones does fairly well early, restraining Webster as I briefly got distracted by someone in the crowd who came dressed as Daryl Takahashi. A simple cravat keeps Webster at bay as Jones seemed to completely catch out the champion, eventually knocking him down on the outside with a PK off the apron.

Webster, who’d made the match no-DQ just before the bell, makes good use of it, throwing a chair at Jones to cut off a dive. Because he’s La Parka. That helped turn to the tide as Webster started to edge ahead, dropping Danny with a Special Brew Flip, before slowly working over the challenger’s leg.

Jones superkicks away a springboard corkscrew moonsault as Webster looked to get a little too confident. He even gets in a brainbuster that almost won him the title. Eventually though, Flash causes a ref bump as he shoved away Jones… but rather than help the ref, Flash grabbed something from under the ring. It’s scrubs for Danny… who’s forced to play doctor, all with the Casualty theme playing in the background.

Again, what the hell is this?!

CPR becomes a dance move, but it brings the ref to life! Just in time for Flash to get a chair thrown into him before Danny goes diving. It culminated in a piledriver, that nearly won the match for Jones, but the Welsh Dragon’s fire is firmly snuffed out with some Angel’s Wings onto a chair, as Webster retains. A really nice, deliberately-paced match here that slotted Danny Jones back into the ATTACK! scene. I really hope ATTACK! do more with Danny now he’s back from Japan – he’s got a lot of potential. ***¼

Oh God Jim, why did you have to say the F-word? He triggers the arrival of Chief Deputy Dunne and his merry men… this time limited to Los Federale Santos Jr. I miss when he had the flashing lights on his head. Of course, Halloween’s too much fun. Dunne’s upset at not getting a title rematch, as he’s instead got someone different to wrestle. A Power Ranger?!

Chief Deputy Dunne vs. Mike Bailey
The white Power Ranger unmasks as Speedball Mike Bailey, although his kicking sequence probably gave it away. He cannot help himself, can he?!

Bailey manages to avoid the False Alarm enzuiguiri early, before losing his head for an Asai moonsault to the Anti-Fun Police. Some distractions from Santos allow Dunne to use his megaphone, and the match turns around there, with Dunne choking Bailey with his own gear, all set to a slow-count from the evil Shay.

The camera doesn’t show us something going on in the crowd as Bailey finally makes a comeback, taking Dunne outside before he’s tripped in the ropes. A DDT pretty soon after gets Dunne a near-fall, but Bailey kicks away a springboard lungblower and finally gets off his dive, courtesy of a corkscrew plancha. A running corkscrew press gets a near-fall as Bailey looked to surge ahead, but he’s held back as the match remained keenly-even.

Bailey flips out of an elevated DDT and kicks off Dunne’s head. The rapid-fire left/right kicks stagger Dunne some more, before they trade off German suplexes for a spell. After some more attempted kicks, Bailey catches Dunne in a fallaway slam/moonsault for a near-fall as the match headed to a climax.

A springboard lungblower nearly does it, but a second one’s caught and eventually met with the standing moonsault knee drop. Santos interferes again as he pulls Dunne’s foot onto the ropes to break a count, before Shay gets distracted by the megaphone. That opens up Bailey for a low blow, but a screw-up by one of the Brothers of Obstruction frees up Bailey to finish off Dunne with another kick, as kicks beat the Anti-Fun Police’s chief. Enjoyable stuff as Chief Deputy Dunne’s life after the title continues to stutter. ***

After the match, Bailey’s beaten down 3-on-1, before Bowl-a-Rama make the save.

Evil Uno vs. Eddie Dennis
Time for some big lads’ wrestling, featuring… the Grim Eddie? The crowd’s desire for the Reaper to “kill Shay” doesn’t go to plan, and Eddie starts with some uppercuts as he’s playing the Undertaker. It works out for him early, before he decided to go Old School on Evil Uno.

It seems that shaking the rope was the way to stop that all along!

Uno’s Riddle-style Tombstone follows, but Eddie’s out at one so he can do the Undertaker sit-up and chokeslam. The Eddie-taker’s put to an end as Uno choked him with his own wrist tape… but that just angers Regular Eddie even more, leading us through his Greatest Hits en route to the swinging side slam for a near-fall.

Save for that tombstone, I’m struggling to think of anything Uno’s done here. Ah, there you go, an overhead chop and a ref-assisted neckbreaker puts Eddie down, as Uno distracts Shay by having him check on random folks in the crowd. Yeah, Shay’s got referee-ADD it seems.

Uno tries going old school, but slips early onto his crotch, before Eddie’s superplex burst one of the red balloons that’d been tied to the ring posts. As Eddie threatened to pull ahead, Uno gets off a brainbuster, but Eddie’s back with a crucifix powerbomb… only for Uno to counter a Next Stop Driver into some Cross Rhodes. A One Winged over-the-knee neckbreaker follows as Uno nearly kills Eddie, as does a forearm… but Eddie gets the knees up to a senton bomb before landing the Next Stop Driver for the win.

Enjoyable fare here, with Eddie looking really good when he was on top. As for Uno… this was better than his Cheltenham match (in my opinion anyway). Perhaps he’s just cut out for the bigger lads? ***¼

Drew Parker vs. Brendan White vs. Veda Scott vs. ELIJAH vs. Love Making Demon
Drew’s dressing up here, as the Crow. Or was it nWo Sting? Wait… that was Press 5tart. Brendan White came as Peter Griffin, while Veda Scott came as the Crazy Cat Lady out of the Simpsons. Cats for everyone!

Ever the grinch, ELIJAH came as himself. To be fair, so did the Demon, but at least he had the Warren Making Demon to play with…

I fully related to ELIJAH at this point.

The Crazy Cat Veda lays into Parker at the bell, presumably since she’d run out of cats, all whilst “Peter” was too busy laughing in the corner. It’s your usual multi-man match layout – two in, everyone else, with a lot of moves and hardly much time to breathe. A trip from ELIJAH gave us the “Peter Griffin hurt his shin” spot. Aaaaah (tssss), since we had to get the comedy in… but the sour-puss ELIJAH keeps ruining it all.

Speaking of cats, the Crazy Cat Lady dove onto a pile outside as we entered that phase of the match, before going into the Tower of Doom, sparked off by Veda as she nearly sent ELIJAH, Parker and White into the Demon.

Brendan tried to spark a cutaway gag, but everyone stopped him. As you were then! Veda’s back, swinging cats and throwing Destroyers for fun, only for the ref to no-sell a bump and jump into a swinging side slam from White. Music plays as we get… the CHICKEN?! Oh my God, we’ve got the Family Guy chicken fight now, so that’s Peter taken care of, and all that’s left is for ELIJAH to plant Parker with the suplex into a powerbomb for the win. This was fine, but a lot of this match just didn’t click with me. The comedy was good, but the rest of the match was just there. **½

Main event time now… and we’ve got a thunderstorm? Hang on, it’s Kid Lykos! He was in Camden a few hours earlier for PROGRESS?! I’ve not seen It, so a lot of this flies over my head, as Lykos is looking for his baking tray. His search is interrupted by Pennywise Pete Dunne, who’s similarly hot-footed it from London… with the baking tray. Uh oh.

They do the “clown in the gutter” meme with Dunne, who of course has a red balloon. Lykos gets dragged underneath, and emerges with… a bitten off arm? Jesus, he’s only just getting fit again from his last injury!

Chris Brookes and Mark Andrews appear, searching for Lykos, and now we have a three-way!

ATTACK! 24/7 Championship: Pete Dunne (c) vs. Mark Andrews vs. Chris Brookes
This wasn’t announced as for the title, but given it’s a 24/7 championship, you do the maths!

We start on the outside as Brookes tries to console his one-armed wolf. Although technically at this point with a healing wrist, he’d be a no-armed wolf, right? All three brawl through the crowd as Brookes loses his glasses… and we finally make use of the ring when Dunne threw Andrews inside.

After punching down Andrews, we’re down to Brookes/Dunne for a spell, which of course takes us to a wet willie for the current 24/7 champion. Lykos attacks Andrews from behind, and gets chastised by Brookes as the wolf still seems to be struggling with life as a good guy… and all of that gives Dunne enough time to come in and beat everyone with Lykos’ arm.

You read that right.

Dunne goes to work on Andrews’ arm, despite his pleas, before Chris Brookes tried to give Dunne a peace offering in the form of a balloon. They tease popping it, but instead Shay just gets punched in the face as Dunne goes for another arm… then tries to tear off Brookes’ nipple.

I swear, I’d enjoy this match more had I seen It… or at least, I’d be appreciating more of the references.

The end almost came when Dunne hit Brookes with a tight powerbomb, before Andrews played Lykos. Except Dunne caught him, so we end up getting lungblowers and back crackers at the same time as they were forced to change tack. A top rope ‘rana from Andrews almost gave Dunne the win as Brookes fell into the champion for a near-fall… but things quickly tear down into strike exchanges as the match headed towards an end.

An end when Pete Dunne bit away at arms again, before he hurt his teeth on Lykos’ cast! Somehow, with a broken-ish wrist, the wolf gets off a brainbuster, before Dunne escaped Death By Roll-Up and hit Brookes with the Bitter End for the win. Enjoyable for what it was, but I could have lived without back-to-back multi-way matches. ***

When you watch an ATTACK! show, you know what to expect. Comedy. Wacky characters. Decent wrestling. For me, this show delivered on all of that – especially so with the Halloween show promising the extra layers for some (okay, most) characters. This is a classic “your milage may vary” show, depending on how tuned in you are with pop culture and modern references, but if you’re “down with the kids” as they say, this’ll click best with you.