What do you do when a planned set of shows at a festival goes belly up? You throw a short-notice card and have the ATTACK! pack fill out the Frog & Fiddle, that’s what!

ATTACK! were originally booked to do a series of shows at the Amplified festival, but a mixture of bad weather and allegedly poor organisation led to the promotion pulling out… and filling in the missing date with their second show in just over two weeks at their Cheltenham base. On just over a day’s notice, a sizable number of people turned out for yet-another-mystery card.

We open with chants of “fuck you Shay” as Jim Lee promises so much fun tonight. Yeah, we know… cue Anti-Fun Police, and we’ve got an opener!

Brothers of Obstruction (James Obstruction & Leigh Obstruction) vs. Bowl-a-Rama (Splits McPins & Lloyd Katt)
The Brothers gloat about shutting down Amplified… to a loud pop. Whoops! They threaten to shut down the show again if the crowd don’t pipe down, but we get underway as Splits rolls out of a wristlock before launching in with an elbow out of the corner for our first near-fall.

Katt comes in and ignores Splits offer to have a brother slammed over his knee… because he doesn’t understand him. They quickly come back to knock Katt into the corner for some double-teaming, and a helmet-assisted diving headbutt to the groin for a near-fall. Despite the pain in his balls, Katt’s able to come back and bring in McPins, who clears house… and avoids a pair of flying shoulder tackles from the Brothers!

Katt gets used to squash the Brothers with avalanches in the corner, before Splits steps up on him to launch into the evil health and safety guys. Shay’s liberal attitude to officiating allowed the Brothers to repeatedly work over Splits for a while, wrenching and biting on his hands to prevent him from bowling any time soon.

So he just headbutts his way to freedom as Shay made no attempts to clear the ring, as Splits eventually hit a pair of Japanese armdrags to the Brothers. Finally Katt gets the tag back in, dropping one of the brothers with a facebuster and a cannonball whilst the other surprised Lloyd with a slingshot DDT.

We get our first tope of the day, with a safety-helmet assisted dive taking out Katt, before a moonsault from McPins made the save for his bowling buddy. Back in the ring, a suplex into a powerbomb nearly won it for Bowl-a-Rama, before things turned again as the Brothers killed Katt with a Blockbuster into a sunset flip backbreaker combo. Lloyd recovers to use his buddy as a weapon, powerbombing Splits into them, which handily left one of the brothers prone for a bowling ball.

Except Splits’ hand was still hurt so he couldn’t bowl. Sad face. He’s taken up to the balcony by one of the Brothers, who threatens to throw him off the stairway… but Splits dumps him on the bannister and pushes him down it… crotching the brother in the process. Aah, I remember doing that as a kid…

Eventually, Splits is able to just throw the bowling ball into one of the Brothers’ groins, before returning to the ring as More Bang For Your Buck got Bowl-a-Rama the win! A really good opener, plenty of wackiness… but I sure do wish they had a proper name for that series. ***¾

After the match, the Brothers of Obstruction attacked their opponents with their safety helmets. The crowd told them exactly where to go, but before they left, they confiscated half of Bowl-a-Rama… taking away Splits McPin in a sack. We used to call that kidnapping, back in the day! Besides, wasn’t sack racing banned by some schools because of health and safety? Talk about a confusing message!

Elijah vs. Omari vs. Beano vs. Los Federales Santos Jr.
These were the singles debuts (of a sort) for Beano and Santos – and it’ll be nice to see Santos in this role after being a lackey for the last few months.

Beano moonwalks circles around Santos in the early moments, before break dancing into a trip on Santos, and finally ending with a DDT to take the big guy to the outside. Elijah comes in and cartwheels past Beano, taking him out with a Slingblade before Omari hit the ring, getting rid of Elijah with armdrags.

Next up, Santos chokeslams Omari after cracking up at his own “freeze!” piece, before going airborne with a fun tope as everyone else was laid outside. Omari throws in a tope con hilo, before Shay’s dive ends up with him missing everyone as Beano instead finished the set with a cannonball to the pile.

Beano keeps up the pressure with a trapped-arm Fisherman’s driver on Elijah for a near-fall, before flipping away from Santos, only to get dropped with a side slam. Omari’s blue feet sent the big man flying into the corner before an awkward springboard out of the corner led Elijah to a German suplex for another near-fall.

The match descends into a strike-off, before Beano punches out everyone after doing the circle game. That leads to Beano taking a Big Ending from Santos, before Elijah slipped out of the corner as the bodies started to pile up around the ring. Beano tried for a brainbuster, but slipped out as Elijah hit an enziguiri… then took one from Santos who made Elijah fall for the false alarm.

Elijah threatens to unmask Santos, but gets stopped by Beano who superplexes him to the mat, allowing Santos to drop Omari with a slow-mo Destroyer! Beano takes a swinging full nelson facebuster as Santos ran riot, blocking Omari’s O-Zone before eating a double-arm DDT. As Santos rolled to the outside, Elijah tried to capitalise, but his crossbody was caught and turned into the O-Zone for the win. Considering these guys are all incredibly raw, this wasn’t as rough as it could have been – sure, there’s a lot of polish needed, but all four showed a lot of poise for their relative inexperience. ***

Kyle Fletcher vs. Tyler Bate
Holy crap, this is a big match for Kyle, who won the tag titles here with MIA Mark Davis barely a week ago. Tyler’s goofing it up, wrestling with a bandana around his face like he’s a bad man. There’s a spot at the start where the crowd tell on Shay for hating vegans… which forces him to cower as both men in the ring are. There’s a shock, huh?

The ref bullying gives way to chants of “Tyler, Be A Star”, which cracks everyone up before the over-egged tie-up leads to Kyle just flipping off Shay… who then returns the middle fingers as he remembered he had to be evil. Well, he is trying to grow a goatee…

When we do get going, it’s like karaoke night – the crowd call for moves, and they get them. Headlock, armbar, dropkick, the works! Tyler succeeds with a dive after Fletcher crashed and burned, before swapping chops with the Aussie on the ring apron. It’s all a little bit ridiculous, even by ATTACK!’s standards, as Fletcher leaps onto a pool table for an extra-long run-up for his next chop.

Back in the ring, Tyler rolls up Kyle for an inverted Boston crab, which turned into a pendulum swing as he batted the Aussie’s head into the turnbuckles. Fletcher rebounds with a Michinoku driver for a near-fall, before trading corner uppercuts as he trips Tyler for a massive double stomp that earned him another two-count.

Fletcher then switches his game plan to go for a Pedigree… but Bate blocks it and eventually decks Kyle with a bop/bang punch, before landing a standing shooting star press for a near-fall. The back-and-forth continues when Fletcher forearms away another bop/bang, before falling into a leaping Destroyer a la Adam Cole, as the pair drop each other with simultaneous head kicks!

The pair ended up outside somehow, where Bate gave Fletcher an airplane spin all the way to the bar, then into the main bar… which the tethered cameras couldn’t follow. They eventually returned through a side door, and it’s not too long before Tyler finished him off with a Tyler Driver. Absolute ridiculousness, but that was kind of the tone for a show that featured kidnapping! ***½

#CCK (Chris Brookes & Kid Lykos) vs. Drew Parker & Shax
It’s been a while since we’ve had inter-gender (for real) in ATTACK! This time it’s the former tag champs taking on Drew Parker – who’s no longer Extremely Confused as another knock to the head has wiped out that memory. He’s now an “Urchin Prince”, whatever one of those is, and he’s partnered by the debuting Shax – one of many trainees out of WAW’s conveyor belt of women who’s starting to branch out.

Parker starts by being taken down with a wristlock as Brookes somehow managed to not react to the chants of “Stupid Sexy Lykos”. They only just realised his red gear looks like Ned Flanders’ ski suit?! Drew comes back with a reverse spin kick to take Brookes to the corner, before landing a double stomp that winded the lanky one.

Shax tags in, as does Lykos, who gets to his knees… and kisses her feet. That bit of gentlemanly conduct is all he displays as he tries to cheapshot the debutant, who’s wise to it and eventually dumps the wolf with a neckbreaker. She too can counter a brainbuster, before a double-jump crossbody gets her a near-fall, before she manages to counter a clothesline from Brookes, by walking under it. Being tall isn’t always great!

Shax quickly gets cornered after that, as Brookes and Lykos combine to clatter her with a dropkick. She eventually outfoxes #CCK and makes the tag out to Drew, who nails Lykos with a Northern lights suplex and a PK, before a rewind leg lariat puts the wolf down. Brookes is next, but he sidesteps a dive from Parker who crashes and burns as a prelude to an extra gooey wet willie. Lykos builds up to a brainbuster again, and of course, it fails, as Lykos eventually dropkicks Brookes instead as some double teaming went horribly wrong. That trend continues when Brookes tries to pull Shax off the mat, but she counters into a bulldog, before nailing a massive satellite DDT to spike Brookes.

Who then tandems with Lykos to drop her with a pair of knees as Parker then dropped Lykos with a tornado DDT onto the apron. Ouch. Shax flies to the floor with a low-pe, as Parker recovers to hit a tope con hilo to #CCK as the tide seemed to be heading back his way, helped by Shax obliterating CCK en route to Parker’s Benadryller to Lykos. Brookes had to break up that pin at the last second, before a Lykos Full Moon and a slingshot cutter from Brookes earned another near-fall.

An inverted Benadryller follows from Parker, but Brooke rushes back in with a suplex into a sit-out powerbomb that Shax broke up on impact, before she backed away from a Vertigo DDT from Lykos and followed up with a reverse ‘rana. #CCK come back with their elevated Codebreaker/back senton deal to Shax, before Parker counters another and turns it into an “accidental” wheelbarrow facebuster as the action rolled on with a Falcon arrow that almost earned the win.

Instead though, Drew takes another DDT, this time on the apron, before Shax’s attempt at a comeback rudely ended by way of a baking tray shot to the head as the Ink Bomb finally got the former champs the win. This was really good – and that’s before you come into it not knowing who Shax was. I’ve no idea if ATTACK! even know if they’ll continue with Shax and Drew as a team, but as a tandem they worked really well together. Oh, nevermind… Drew kicks her low after the match, then stands on her head. So I guess Drew’s now to be booed? ***¾

Shay smugly celebrated with Brookes afterwards, then gave him a lift to the back. Just because.

Eddie Dennis vs. Chief Deputy Dunne
Our main event is declared as non-title because this was a “short notice event”. Eddie’s using his new song now he’s full time, so Andrew WK is a distant memory… at least for ATTACK!

Dunne clearly finds Eddie’s double jacket reveal too much fun, as he attacked him for it, taking down the former champ with a load of stomps. He tries the springboard Codebreaker early, but gets caught into a hanging suplex, sending Dunne to the outside… and Eddie joins him there, taking him through the crowd for some brawling on the far side for a change.

A hiptoss somehow takes Dunne from one side of the ring to the other, ready for a tope con hilo from the newly full-time Welshman… who decided to lay waste to the Anti-Fun Police with forearms. Those safety helmets did nothing! The Brothers of Obstruction try to spit beer at Eddie… but he just decks them with a forearm again before Santos’ involvement allowed Dunne to catch him with an enziguiri on the apron.

Dunne then distracts Shay as Eddie gets mugged on the other side of the ring, which left Eddie as easy pickings for Dunne once he took over… but Dennis fires back with plenty of chops from himself, before carefully unbuttoning the shirt so he could chop Dunne’s bare chest.

There’s more liberal interference, helped by Shay’s planned ineptness, but again Eddie fires back, zombie-ing his way through forearms and slaps before knocking the champ down with a simple forearm of his own. A delayed superplex followed as Dunne avoided the low ceiling, before he’s given an atomic drop and a diving clothesline.

Eddie looks to finish him off with a swinging side slam, but instead Dunne sent him outside to drop the Anti-Fun Police with forearms, before trying a tope that was caught and turned into said swinging side slam. Right on the apron, son. A crucifix bomb nearly won it as a slightly-slow count saw Shay count two, before Dunne cut off an attempted dive with a big spear as the outside interference was bordering on the comedic at this point.

Dunne comes back into it with a German suplex, but that just fires up Eddie some more as he clotheslines away the springboard Codebreaker, before teasing another crucifix bomb, this time sending Chief Deputy Dunne hurtling into his colleagues on the outside. Back inside, a Next Stop Driver succeeds, but Shay pulls off the frozen arm gimmick before flipping off Eddie. Bad move.

Eddie grabs the fingers and bites them a la Shay’s hero, before killing the kid with a forearm smash. No referee equals another mugging, ending when the Brothers of Obstruction attacked each other, before falling to Eddie’s fallaway slam/Samoan drop pairing. Santos gets involved again to flatten Eddie in the corner, before being caught on the middle rope and dropped with another crucifix bomb!

However, four bodies was too much for Eddie it seemed, when a belt shot earned Dunne a near-fall as Shay was still somewhat dopey from the earlier forearm. He can only count one after the springboard Codebreaker as Eddie fired back into life, only to be snuffed out with a rope-hung DDT as Dunne made sure the match was, as he’d say, ov-ah. A decent main event, but way too much interference made this hard to get into. ***½

After the match, the beatdown looked to continue, only for Tyler Bate to make the save… and kill Santos with the One Inch Punch! With the Anti-Fun Police dispatched, Eddie took the mic and bellowed at Dunne – claiming he’d cheated Flash Morgan Webster out of a win at The Neon Wristlock. One slip of the tongue later, Eddie put forward a challenge for WinterSlam – to put the title on the line against Flash Morgan Webster.

Dunne refused before slinking to the back, allowing Eddie to babyface the Amplified festival runners, and also thank everyone who turned up on a day’s notice as ATTACK! eventually salvaged a bad situation and put on a hell of a good show at no notice! Plenty of good wrestling, an impressive debut and some promising trainees… that’s the ATTACK! way – and long may it continue!